Lust and Longing

-This one's for you Rachael.- A poem written to capture the duality of obsession.

Who is this creature that slumbers so soundly?

What is this madness that drives so profoundly?

My cloak; the blackness, is all now, but spared.

My desire so close, but yet not, she's scared.

 

What is this power?

I don't understand.

So late is the hour,

I ought not lay a hand.

 

This creature, so perfect,

I must make her mine.

But its blasphemy to harm her;

To damn the divine.

 

I can't live without her,

Yet I ought not disturb

This slumbering creature

Who is so superb.

 

So with a small kiss, I betroth to thee,

This slumbering creature in front of me,

A promise, a pact, of eternal desire

That flows through my veins as a maddening fire,

That no man, nor no beast shall take thee from me.

I'm nothing to you. You're all to me.

 

I pray that you're dreaming this dream I desire.

I dare to hope that I am your fire.

So with this small kiss, I leave you this dream.

I pray that you ought not wake up and scream.

 

The damned are the damned.

Nothing has changed.

If you accept me,

You must be deranged.

 

I leave you, my sweet,

Unblemished; unknowing,

That this passion I hold

Is forever growing.

Not to your knowledge,

I reap what I'm sowing.

So with this last kiss,

I fear that I'm going. 

 

Upon a dark night, when the blackness clings,

I shall return as the reaper sings

His song of lament, so filled with longing.

I'll take you that night, to me belonging.

 

As I wear my cloak of night once more,

I want you to know that I'm outside your door.

Waiting for you, forever more,

Always watching, outside your door.

 

For now I vanish into this night.

Fear not the darkness. Disown the light.

These eyes that you feel upon thee are mine,

For it is blasphemy to damn the divine.

Reviews

[robin]

Some of the message of this poem is confusing. The darkness is also divine as is the creature looking over this soul. You make reference to damning the divine and blasphemy. The devil may care about blasphemy (aka he doesn't care) so who cares about damnation or blasphemy? I love the darkness equally with the light for they are ideas not reality. Which side is your darkness on? I read your bio so I know you want more than praise. I too am a romantic artist, I just wish your dark character had more conviction. He can be mad but let him have focus/certainty, a method to the madness.
Robin

[NCPanthersgurl]

Your poetic description is lovely! I'll have to read more of your work as time allows! The flow of this is lovely, the changing flow perfect. Nice work

[Kitty]

Holy crap!!! (excuse my language) This is a freaking AWESOME poem. I love the way you switch between the rhyming scheme and the words you chose are so descriptive... The imagery is fantastic and the flow perfect. I really really enjoyed this.

Great write!

Josie

[MarieCo214]

There is a steady rhythm that was quite entertaining, but I didn't really see how strong the obsession was. From the words, it's obvious that they want this girl, but not touch her and taint her. I actually like that aspect. Still, it goes no where like the person is stilled. Is that your intention?
It moves along nicely, though the sense of being stilled is there nonetheless. I have to admit, reading it a second time, I recognized the odd transitions. Either way, they're good. Nice job, I liked the theme and rhythm.

[Angelic Darkness]

I felt this poem was too long, and sadly, I got bored
reading it and couldn't even finish it LOL!

[AK]

Ohhh MAN! This is amazing!
I feel so bad for the guy, unrequited love... but on another level...

"As I wear my cloak of night once more, I want you to know that I'm outside your door.
Waiting for you, forever more, Always watching, outside your door."

I understand him completely. As a painfully shy and introverted youth I used to drive by the home of my dream girlfriend in the evening with the hope of catching a glimpse of her. Romantically tragic, in a pathetic sort of way. Kind of borderline stalking... but with a good attitude, ya know : >)

This reminds me of Poe! I think this is brilliant!

[Annebelle Ashire]

Oh my sweet dear friend,
thou writes of passion - a longing never completely fulfilled.

I do believe I've held my breath -
each word so gracefully intact with the next.
I do not resign beneath a shroud of astonishment, for I am so very
aware of your amazing writes.
But this,
Oh my,
"This"....this was outstandingly amazing.
So utterly beautiful in words I cannot use to describe
my inaccurate fathom on this poem.
It runs so deeply - so intently ...
It captures all the more wisdom of those who
cannot find a response - cannot utter one in the least....

Sometimes - the BEST times...
are when silence is the loudest.

Ashire - my writer, my close friend,
I am proud to know such a being.

I love each write you have to share -
and for those that linger behind your thoughts...
I shall wait - and can only imagine the words yet to be written down.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who sees greatness upon your page..
And with that I must leave thee.

My best,
My love,
And My Appreciation,

~*AC*~

[Belle Morte]

The imagery and flow in this peice was excellent. I loved it. You're rhyme scheme was pretty constant. Wonderful peice. Keep up the good work.

[Silent Pacer]

Hey, I'm not sure I agree with the line "I'm nothing to you. You're all to me." I mean, kinda presumptuous..lol... i also like syd's response....lmao that amused me... very nicely written. and the vampiric theme really does suit you. oh, and one more thing.... stop watching me!

[Ashes of Apathy]

Mr. Ashire,
The duality between what you think of yourself and how you desire this "devine being" is clear and present. I found that your rythmic scheme flowed nicely but that the true strength of this peice is in the descriptive nature in which you presented your belief that you are not worthy of such perfection and divinity. It was sometimes hidden and other times quite blunt. I enjoyed this piece. It a lyrical quality, as a lyricist myself Im always down with the option to add a melody and rock out! Nice work.
-jr