Shoutout

This is my shout out to all of the people in this world who use others for personal gain, with no regard or respect for any form of life other than their own.

Now, why all this hate?

Why must you constantly discriminate?

How can you see me, being me,

Yet feign acceptance with hypocrisy,

Create another controversy,

And scream, "This is idiosyncrasy!"

Syncratic, yet dramatic.

Claiming movement, yet so static.

This is all a convolution.

It's an illusion. There is no solution.

Using all people for what you can gain,

I detect no respect and its driving me insane.

Give the respect and earn what you reap.

There is no honor in a world of deceit.

You are no soldier and you fight for no cause.

You fight for your addiction to people, but did you ever just stand there and pause

To think of the pain that burns in your wake?

When the finger's on you, oh, its a mistake.

Everyone's at fault, but you, and its burning.

You know the truth, but you're not concerning

Yourself with the details lit by your fire.

Your devotion to YOU is your only desire.

So remember that pain that burns in your wake.

Everyone knows it, but you. You're a fake.

Reviews

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

This is a very powerful poem. You have a lot of potential to turn this into a verbal poem. The theme seems to be a trend these days and I hope that more people read this piece of work to realize that everyone needs to wake up and be kind to each other. You can never gain anything without the help of others, but it is not a take take situation. It's a give and recieve one.

[ST]

this was music to my ears!
the words dancing to an incredible beat, it was so beautifully written,the content is strong and the ire even if it shows doesnt hurt the soft rythm that you achieved and the final stanza was just a "right in your face!" end ...congratulations

[jen -- JG]

The universal you and all the powers that be, acting first and never seeing what they do. All of it based on the feeling that it's for your own good, never taking resposibility when it all goes wrong.

This could be a personal rant against someone doing wrong by another, a rant against the damn unfairness of life and what people do to each other, even a rant against the politicians and the policies that discriminate and desimate people and countries without a thought to the ramifications of such actions.

A strong powereful rant here that could easily be a performance piece.

well Done

jen

[Gary H]

For me, I think this was a very strong statement. My main thought though is that I was put off by the rhyme scheme. This would, I feel, have made a much more epic poem without needing to balance words against each other. Sometimes this works, so please don't feel this is just a critisism, however, the whole poem could just flow more easily. Would be worth thinking about.

[Fantasyfairy]

A very nice rant here. I like the subject and understand, but unfortuatly that is the way the human race has worked, and always will, alone and for one's self at all times, no matter how many lies you tell, it is in our genes. The flow was good, except for this line:
You are no soldier and you fight for no cause.

You fight for your addiction to people, but did you ever just stand there and pause

The second line is took long to ryme with the first, it needs shortening for the flow to remain constant. Besides that it was well written. XX

[Courtney26]

I love the way the words flow!!!!

[*~Imperfectly Me~*]

This really speaks so much truth... it screams about our society and how sad it has truly become... such a sad day it is... This is very powerful... it seems alot of poets are writing on this subject... anyway... great write!

[Adel Eyes]

very strong
the displeasure of this era bleeds thru
nice job

[Kasey Klein]

good beat, good matching words.

Thematically, I find it a bit 'strawman-ish.' I don't know who the voice is the poem is railing against. I know what, sure, but without concrete examples, I really don't know whom the speaking the poem is pissed at.

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

Nice and brutal! It definitely got your point across and since it's so hideously true, it's something anyone can understand. It's very admirable that you can put out such a small poem that says so much to the reader. It's got a lot of power, I can tell you that much and it's simply amazing... your choice of words, your choice of examples--the rhyming! It's all excellent.

But you know what really sucks? Your creative work is just so true... TOO true. If you were to get one of these people who you are describing as "people in this world who use others for personal gain", they will most likely consider that the finger pointed at them WAS a mistake. :P Only a precious few of that crowd would take this poem to heart, unfortunately... *sigh* It makes us all a little frustrated. :(

Anyways, thanks very much for sharing this with me. ^^ I really enjoyed reading your views on the subject; very enlightening and thought-provoking! That's for damn sure! :)

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

[Nik Dendera]

Kinda makes you sad, doesn't it, just how many people are like this.
Great piece (I will read more of yours, but I was away for so bloody long, I've lost track) and very true.
I admit I'm selfish. But I make it my priority to never involve anyone else if things start to go tits up. Thing is, though, I don't lie about being selfish... So, I ask myself... am I still a fake? That said, I've never used anyone...
Meh, I'm sure someone can answer that question.

Anyway, I drift... Great poem, brutal in its profound honesty. Really enjoyed this one; it has bite and style, as well as you wonderful sense of purpose.

Loved it!