Love Rotation

She stares at the clock in anticipation

Teeth clenched, knuckles whitening in aggravation

As she waits for any form of validation

That he’ll show just the smallest appreciation.

 

Still the time tics by

And her tears turn wry

As she wonders why the f**k people even try.

Sure the irony’s not lost, such humor cruel and dry

She either loves them too little or through to the sky.

 

Hours pass, hopes rapidly in deflation,

She considers the decline from torrid flirtation

To her current state- perpetual, emotional starvation

It’s no wonder some keep a constant love rotation.

Author's Note

Best if read aloud, it has a bit of a rap beat to it. Be gentle please, it is my first attempt at anything longer than one stanza in almost a year. Of course, constructive criticism and suggestions are welcome, just be gentle.

Reviews

[AaronFreitas]

I enjoyed it... the hurt and pain was real. Sometimes people treat others so well and love them so much that they take it for granted never showing the appreciation the other person deserves. I liked the descriptions and the desperation in the voice of the writer. Only thing is the title... honestly at first I looked up rotaion thinking I didn't know the word but later figured out it was a simple mistake. I loved your words good work :)

[Ashira Macy]

Oh jeez, thanks for pointing out the title typo! I didn't even see that!!! And thank you so much for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[AaronFreitas]

No problem that's what friends are for :)

[Relic]

Okay, I ll be gentle. Some of the lines sound just a tad forced. But yeah, it sucks when someone uses you and shows no appreciation for who you are.

Nicely done. :)

[Igarin]

When anyone seeks self-validation through another's attention, they do so at their own peril and without doubt disappointment bound...

[aleezae khan]

I really liked it, its the discription of most of the girls

[Igarin]

Except for the f word, I like it..

[Einstein Noodle]

i like it ... and i did read it out loud ;) you hit the nail head squarely ... "Rotation" will at the same time exalt and destroy ... yeouch! it wears me out thinking about it ...makes me appreciate the quieting that allows us to finally can be embraced by something more substantial :) love your poem!!
E.

[C. Rose]

Favorite bits: tears turn wry, too little or through to the sky, torrid flirtation.

The set up of waiting, knuckles, clock - makes me think of this poem in terms of a physical place. I imagined waiting for a blind date, or about to participate in speed dating (based on the title love rotation). So the line about waiting for him to show affection jarred me because I didn't realize he was there already. And then the rest of the poem is in her head. I was surprised the last line says "some" keep a constant love rotation. This pulls the impact away from the POV of the girl on the date. I would recommend ending in "It's no wonder she keeps a constant love rotation".

I like the rhyme scheme and the rhythm. You've got nice word choice flourishes throughout. I recommend reconsidering how physical the opening is - or adding more physical description throughout so that the date keeps moving while she reflects.

[Ruth]

Heartfelt and visceral communication of the heart :)

[Dilan Gunawardana]

It reads well aloud, while conveying that feeling of being in anxious emotional limbo. Great work.

[Frozen Eyes]

I agree with the rap beat, and the emotions flow so strongly yet subtly all over, I loved it totally :) Thanks for sharing :)