OK .. can not help but be curious as to your work place!? :) i think those little bold phrases .. such common self talk quotes is a great idea .. they bring your poem home to everyone .. and the images and feel of rasping over road rash in between is exquisitely tormenting .. after all that the relief of that beautiful little action potential .." I can..."
glad i stopped here this morning .. nice one!
E.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
I work at a pizza joint and I hate it. Lol! But yeah, this was just how I was feeling one day. Negat.. read moreI work at a pizza joint and I hate it. Lol! But yeah, this was just how I was feeling one day. Negativity warped suddenly into positivety. Glad you liked it!
10 Years Ago
i worked at an Italian Restaurant in upstate NY many moons ago and learned to toss pizza dough .. i .. read morei worked at an Italian Restaurant in upstate NY many moons ago and learned to toss pizza dough .. i use to amuse my children with my skill when they were little pepperonis :)
E.
I have read some of the previous reviews and know how it feels to be in a job you do not like. I agree with you that it can lead you down a corridor of doors that maybe don't open to rooms of bright white light. However, I feel the dark rooms hold more creativity and truth at times. The poem transports you behind the glass and onto the hill of sand. As I continued to read I felt the walls closing in and the need to escape. The last words "I can, " I imagined on an emergency hatch leading out of the hour glass to new dreams and goals.
I love your poetry. Had a drive and always interesting pattern.
"The asylum of
Could be
And hopeful chant of
I can…"
The above lines are amazing. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote
I like how claustrophobic this piece feels..even the font is a little suffocating. I like the fact that there was a bit of optimism at the end. It felt like a release. Did you feel trapped or stifled when you wrote this?
I love the hourglass setting, makes me wish I'd thought of such a foundation. I've always been fascinated with the concept of time, clocks, etc. I wonder, in this poem, what happens when the hourglass flips and time starts again, if you're a grain of sand in the collection and have no concept of age or deadlines like who watches you fall all over yourself and each other... I find the idea of such repetition mind blowing. I guess it's all metaphorical anyway but still. Once the page of a calendar is turned it's no more..tell me then, what was it for?
I love everything about this piece you drifted to a dark place and then bam out of the blue is I can. Beautiful AShira absolutely beautiful!!!!
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thanks Micky! Sometimes we have to be in our darkest place before we can be rejuvenated by hope yet .. read moreThanks Micky! Sometimes we have to be in our darkest place before we can be rejuvenated by hope yet again!
This could be taken quite a few different ways, which may be why I like it so much. It really is very well written. The suffocating sands... deep and brilliant.
I am 24 years old and just getting back into writing after not using the skill for a few years, so I am a bit rusty. I am excited to share my new work as well as some old with this community and would.. more..