Hotel Desolation

Another "Devil's Highway" inspired piece.

Lost and forgotten,

Forsaken… condemned.

 

Relentless rays of

Ultraviolet fate

Trickle down in a beat

Only water should dance to.

 

That playful liquid is long gone.

 

For Desolation drinks bone dry

Not the air alone,

But all that linger.

 

Devil’s Highway awaits

With open arms and bated breath.

 

Come on in boys,

Chase that American dream!

 

It is just…

Around…

 

 

The…

 

 

 

………………………………..

Author's Note

Let me know what you think. This was super experimental. Something different to try.

Reviews

[NoelHC]

No idea why, but this took me on a little trip, exploring ghost towns, once booming little centres of commerce, now abandoned, doors askew on hinges, broken windows, weeds growing in the middle of the streets, me on a motorcycle, revisiting a past that maybe never really existed.
Well done.

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks Noel, I am so glad it took you on that journey. Ghost towns certainly can be desolate.

[hardeep sabharwal]

its really nice to read,

but I know only about indian dream, :P

[Ashira Macy]

Haha no worries, the American dream doesn't really even exist anymore.

[Christopher Robin]

Wondering why you missed the capital on both the lines that begin with 'f'. Is it all part of the experiment?
It serves as a nice exposition, but as a piece of prose I think i needs to be re-worked in to a more accessible format, in this state it comes off as jarring, lacking cadence and without each stanza (or part thereof) supporting the other. It's always fun to experiment, but I think this idea was destined to be something else...
Wonderful imagery and metaphor!

-Robin

[Ashira Macy]

I didn't miss the capitalization of the "f's" it is actually how they are written in that particular font. Odd I know. Thanks for your honesty.

[Christopher Robin]

That is interesting! Nice to see it wasn't intentional, damned fonts!

-Robin

[The Twin Arenas]

Yeah, I really liked it. Right up my alley. Successful experiment. The end was great. You could probably work on the form a bit more, tighten that s**t up. There was a lot of air in space in it for a read that's like, um, relentless and desperate. Hope that's helpful. I liked it, though. Great work.
"that playful liquid is long gone" is real nice.

SIDEBAR -----and sorry for sneaking this s**t in here, but do you have any information regarding an error 003 message? I've been trying to post a piece all day to no avail, and it's driving me bananas.

Nice poem, at any rate.

[kublakhan27]

You can check out any time you like, but you can never...wait, wrong hotel haha This one is pretty sinister too though...the second stanza is money...very cool imagery all-around, and the cliffhanger ending is almost unbearable...really, it drove me crazy haha But crazy is good...a darn good experiment I would say ;)

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, you are not completely off on that, it is where I got the name from and I considered putting the song on here to accompany it, but I didn't want to confuse people because it has absolutely nothing to do with the content. Thank you so much Steve, I am so happy you liked it. I figured the cliff would drive people insane, which I was a little nervous about, but I just had to put it in. =)

[kublakhan27]

Haha Always a pleasure Ashira...the cliff works, trust me ;)

[yuki]

very nicely done its good to do new things

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much Yuki!

[Shapirta]

well, its not the best of your work, but its still pretty good! by pretty good, I mean REALLY GOOD!

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks Amy, glad you liked it!

[Shapirta]

u welcome!

[Matching Socks]

It's just around the what??
What??

It doesn't exist does it. Damn...
I'm putting my running shoes away.

I like it! Nice job.

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, you are correct dear, or at least I think you are. That may just be one American's opinion, but it is a strong one. Glad you enjoyed it!

[Lyan]

Seems kinda unknown until it gets to the part about the American Dream. Which I believe is no longer existing. Like the fact that the poem lets you go wherever your mind shall wonder-)

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks Lyana, I agree it has kind of dried out for most.

[Lyn Anderson]

It is cryptic, and leaves a lot to the imagination, but with enough description that people know what you are referring to.

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks KL, gotta be cryptic every now and again, right? =)