Queen of Hearts

How long ago were those sun painted days we spent

Backs pressed against the long grass

Gazing up at the hanging red roses,

Singing to us of their flowery ways?

 

You would cut one down for me

And she wouldn't mind her measured death,

For she knew you felt naught but love.

Her thorns retracted in peaceful acceptance.

 

Then came that dark war,

Spiriting you away like some evil specter

Or those jealous will-o'-the-wisps

Leading you on to promised demise.

 

The day they told me was the day he swept in

All blundering and nervous in his regal garb.

He handed me that rose of wedding white

Promise of a good life ringing from his lips.

 

I took no pause in accepting my fate

And as he bid me adieu I grasped that angry bud.

Sharp thorns dug into my skin in vengeance

As blood seeped down its browning stem.

 

But I did not cry, no my sanity died with you,

So I threw my head towards the sky and laughed,

Smearing blood against the brilliant white petals…

Because I always preferred my roses painted red.

Author's Note

Comments? Suggestions?

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

What really makes this poem work so well is that final stanza, it brings it all together and leaves a haunting image which the rest of the poem would be nothing without. Love the way you combined the imagery and metaphors of roses and their colours and thorns, with the blood which interacts with them both. Again, a superb ending on this one.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you Esse, I am glad you felt the ending was so powerful. It is important to end with a bang every once and a while. =)

[Jack Wolfe]

My, My, Ashira, are you too being drawn toward the dark side? Our side is tempting, 'I always prefer my roses painted red'. Great line and imagery.

[Ashira Macy]

Oh Wolfey, I have always drifted nearer the dark side than the light. But I am a mercenary. I take work where I can get it. ;) So glad you enjoyed it my friend!

[Bill O. Writes]

Words can't express how good this really is. The ones that come close have already been said. Just phenomenal write!

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you kindly Bill!

[realmwriter]

Owe Wow, This is intense. It's love and betrayal, and condemnation and reconciliation. It's fantastic, sad, melancholy and uplifting in a slow-drag-you-up kind of way. I love it. And I too prefer my roses painted red.

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much Realm, I do too. =)

[realmwriter]

you're very welcome

[The Twin Arenas]

Intense ending, which is how endings should be, one way or another. Was this influenced by Alice as well? Seems to be, though maybe a little less directly, which is rad.

the first line of the third stanza reads a little weird. you could tighten that up, and it'd be even better.

it's good, though. you got a lot out of this idea, broke it down well, and the last stanza is killer. nice work. keep it up.

[Ashira Macy]

It was indeed, you have a good eye. I like back stories for villains before they were villains and this is my take on the Queen of Hearts. I will revisit the third stanza, thank you for your suggestion. =)

[yuki]

no comment no suggestion except for simply amazing this is really good :D

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you Yuki!

[anne]

Wow....its too beautiful....
Smearing blood against the brilliant white petals…
Because I always preferred my roses painted red....wonderful... :))

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much Anne!

[Einstein Noodle]

"Her thorns retracted in peaceful acceptance."
best line for me to be sure ...

from your poem i did not quite get the story you intend .. probably just my thick noodle :)
in the first three verses i take it that he was called to war and died .. its the fourth verse that confuses me a bit .. not sure who he is .. because of the wedding rose and promises of a good life ..if i take it to be the officials that notify loved ones of a soldiers death .. and the promise is that you will be OK .. then i get it .. but i am unsure :}
the insanity of your closing verse is so very tragic .. two lives lost :((
E.

[Ashira Macy]

No worries, I don't think it was just you, it was meant to be a little vague. I am a sucker for stories about villians' lives before they became villains, so this is my back story for the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. She was in love and he was killed in war, then the King of Hearts came to woo her and she accepted, not caring about anything anymore. It is an odd one, but I am glad you enjoyed some of it. =)

[Einstein Noodle]

aha! so they are two different "He"
"He handed me that rose of wedding white" .. i think (for me) if you used The King instead of He in that line i would get it much more easily ..that and with the title would bring the Wonderland story to mind for sure .. but i get vague ;)
E.

[Avinash]

Seems like the pains of first love. Not everyone gets lucky in love. The heart is broken many times until it is ready for the chosen one. Hanging on and writing poems like above does help.

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks Avinash!