Inspiration Infatuation

Torn between lustful infatuation

And fearful of your intimidation

Your intellect sets my logic on fire.

 

Exploring my brain for rhyme or reason,

Longing for concrete, set explanation,

It only increases psychic desire

 

To caress your wondrous mental physique,

Bask in that sensual rhythmic technique…

Cognitive trap for emotional pyre.

 

Come now, virtuoso I’ll stoke that flame!

Visionary wildfire’s nowhere near tame,

As it shan’t until I finally tire

 

Of your dazzling, frightening intellect

To withdraw to solitude’s introspect,

But for now I’ll survey, merely… admire.

Author's Note

Comments? Suggestions?

Reviews

[Anna Mitchell]

Pwoah!

I love this poem. The rhyming scheme is tight and adds nice rhythm, pace and energy.
'Your intellect sets my logic on fire.' - I love this line.

And articulating a passion that is directed at a person's mental rather than physical being is unusual, and therefore fresh and thought-provoking!

Thank you for sharing it :-)

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Anna! There is something more satisfying about falling for someone because of their mind rather than their looks.

[Akshay]

Reading "Cognitive trap for emotional pyre" made my day. This piece is very well thought out and written, doesn't stray from the meaning even once.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Ashkay, I am glad that line called out to you. =)

[Wandering Minstrel]

this is amazing and so cleverly written

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much Minstrel

[Kringefest]

Excellent work. My favorite line was "Come now, virtuoso, I'll stoke that flame!" Very good job with the imagery of the infatuation with intellect.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much! Virtuoso is one of my new favorite words at the moment. XD

[Kringefest]

Hahah, I would agree! No problem. Thank you for writing!

[Eve Ola]

crystal clear thoughts with great flow. Thanks for sharing this majestic piece :)

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks Eva, glad you liked it!

[Avinash]

Intellect irresistible to beauty and vice versa. This relationship or rather battle is as old as the humanity.
But beauty has better record against the intellect. So I bet on your side. :) enjoyed reading.

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, thank you my friend, I am happy you enjoyed it.

[Nusquam Esse]

First of all, with a few minor exceptions (which I point out further down), I like your rhyme scheme here, it helps it flow well on both a micro and macro level--and it is creative without being too unconventional for most fans of formed poetry.
Your meter seems pretty consistent as well, fluctuating around on pentameter... the only advice I could offer on it is to confirm how natural the feet of your meter are flowing, if the words have a clear rhythm to them or not (iambic pentameter is a common standard)
Okay, so this one isn't strictly a problem, but I think that 'logic on fire' kinda hits to hard on the tongue in comparison to the prior lines (one of those things that deals with how harsh words sound in English); perhaps try "Sanity afire." If logic is the word that you are wanting, then feel free to keep it, but I think afire works better with the prior lines--more flowing.
Considering the strength of most of your rhyme in this, reason and explanation really seem too weak; I would recommend re-examining this one, and seeing if you can't get it to work with a stronger rhyme.
With the myriad of words to describe our deeper selves, make certain that 'psychic' is the word that you want. It is by no means a bad word choice, in fact it is rather intriguing, but if it doesn't describe Exactly what you are wanting to express, try again. After all, when it comes to expressing our 'perception of self', English is hardly lacking; so don't settle. Archaeus, Anima, Animus are all interesting concepts which are less commonly known in contrast to things such as Spirit, Soul, essence... (and that's not including all those psychology terms)
The final line of the fourth stanza feels a bit forced, both the use of 'shan't' and the rhyme scheme for tire, which seems weaker than the others. I would recommend re-examining it, and seeing if there is another way of wording it which feels more flowing with its accompanying lines; at the very least, there are many words that fit with your rhyme scheme, so I don't think it should be too difficult.

I have never really been a person to be particularly attracted to the looks of a person, if nothing else it has always felt so shallow, and it never leaves an impression which changes the way you look at... well... everything; but when two minds have just the right things in common, and the right things different, it can make for such an incredible dynamic which seems to dwarf anything a physical relationship could offer.
I feel blessed to have been able to encounter this in my life, to feel a connection of minds that I had never expected... as though a separate mind could unlock a latent side to myself, and infuse itself deep within my very being--to such a point that I have a hard-time imagining what it would be like without them... I will be working, and their voice will joke at me, or scoff at something I have said or thought, in a way which my mind would never do before... as if there was something about them which is now deeply fused with my own sense of awareness. And I want nothing more than to be beside them, and to communicate without even needing words.
Such an intellectual, emotional, and even spiritual connection is incredible; and I had honestly never imagined myself being with anyone--since I am a lone-wolf type. I have always stayed away from relationships, because I am usually distant with people, and there are few people that I have felt might be worth the time, or the compromise of my dignity. But for some reason, everything is just right; and while they may not be perfect, neither am I... but I believe that we are perfect for each other. Which while it sounds simple, is such a difficult idea to fully absorb when you actually encounter it.

I can only hope that you can find someone with whom you can share this sort of life-altering bond with; you are intelligent, with your own strong sense of self. Because of this, I am sure that somewhere out there... there is someone who can be perfect for you, as much as you can be perfect for them. Thank you for sharing such a personal piece, and I honestly hope that you can find someone who can reciprocate these feelings for you, to make every moment of intellectual bonding more incredible than you had ever imagined; never settle for less.

[Ashira Macy]

First of all, thank you for spending so much time on this one, I always really appreciate your feedback, and learn a lot.
I will have to revisit the meter, I had hoped the ten syllable lines would take care of it, but I will read it out loud a few more times and figure out what can be shifted around.

And I agree that the word "afire" sounds better than "on fire" so I will definitely switch that up. And I was wondering about reason and explanation. They would probably have worked better in a different context, so I will revisit them.

I will look back at psychic as well, though I am pretty set on that, but my mind has been changed before, so it could certainly be done again.

I definitely agree with you about the fourth line of the third stanza. I am sure I can do better on that one.

I agree with you, looks are fine and dandy, but they are just on the outside. It is so much more meaningful to connect with someone intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and so on. It is so wonderful that you found someone who was able to take you painlessly out of your shell in such a way.

Thank you for your kind words, I know I will find someone like that eventually. It takes patience, and it is often something you can't actively be looking for. In the meantime, I will write poems for them in a ridiculous romantic fashion. =P

[John Preston]

You may by busty but your sorely not rusty
Love in the mind to admire, survey
No physical motion or emotion
Well it could be worse
There could not be anyone there.


Nice write.

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much John!

[Emma Anderson]

This is very well written poem thanks for the invite. :)

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Emma!

[Mayank]

The witty ones are the best and their logic too, they can find the sense in most stupidest thing around you... It created mental picture in my head. I hope you have already found someone like that...

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much my friend, I am working on it. =)

[Mayank]

I wish you luck.