Seasick

Ten word poem.

Ick…

That poor girl

Just threw up

Over the railing.

Author's Note

I decided to try a ten word poem. Thoughts?

Reviews

[Sharon Kim]

For me, though it was set up as a poem might be, with one word, then three, three, and three, it read as prose. If I were to keep the words the same, I would put the Ick... at the end to give it more emphasis. This is just my opinion. Do ten word poems have certain rules they follow? Is this for a contest? If not, it might be fun to see what people can come up with in just ten words.

[Ashira Macy]

I am actually not sure if ten word poems have rules or not. I have seen Frieda do them before and I thought that it might be fun. I agree, this is a little bit like prose. Thank you for reading and reviewing! =)

[Sharon Kim]

Thanks Ashira, I hope you didn't feel like I was being hard on you or the poem. It was just my opionion at the time I read it. I think it read like prose to me because I didn't really pause at the line breaks. Who knew that such a short poem could create such discussion. Lol! ;P

[Ashira Macy]

Oh no worries, I didn't think you were being hard on me, I want everyone's honest opinions, and there is certainly nothing wrong with prose. =D

[Kelly Scheppers]

It's hard to elaborate on vomit, especially poetically. Girl, you nailed it...even gave it a putrid hue of green! Ick!!!!

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, thank you Kelly, I thought the color might be fitting.

[Jack Wolfe]

lol, You poor girl, have you not heard of Dramamine? I hope the rest of your vacation went better.

[Ashira Macy]

Haha no worries Jack, it wasn't me that got sick, it was another girl on the boat. I felt bad for her though.

[Jack Wolfe]

Ah, I was gonna say as a Cali girl, I would think you're immune or at least know better.

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, yeah I don't get sick to my stomach often thankfully. Not a good feeling.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i feel as short as it is , it is quite expressive...but would disagree with moving "ick" for this reason.
There are competing feelings here.....first, is the initial yucky feeling of seeing someone throwing up....as a bystander...but then the speaker gets more involved and feels sympathy or empathy for the girl...maybe has experienced the same ...who knows.
and there is a metaphorical feeling of purging, involved here also...perhaps of torment or sadness...something unseen.....afterall...there is an abstractness to just ten words.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you Jacob, I am so glad you got all of that out of it. =D

[Norman T]

Quick, slick and did the trick.!!!!!
.....Norman

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, thank you Norman!

[Norman T]

Quick, slick , even poetic.!!!!

Norman

[Frieda P]

Ten words, just made me sick, love the putrid color you picked too, it all works, ten words can be tricky, you pulled it off.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Frieda, I got the idea from your ten word poems. I thought they were neat and wanted to try one, but I usually need to elaborate more. However, I felt the less said about this subject the better. =P

[Frieda P]

No doubt, anymore would have been overkill :) I got the idea from another poetry site, glad you got on board...it's a challenge.

[Sami Khalil]

You have mastered it. I like the title and the wording. Bravo...............

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much Sami, I am glad you enjoyed it!

[Sami Khalil]

Yep. You are welcome...:)........................