Dragon Rain

You need not fear the darkness when you're drenched in dragon rain...

Step out into the open plains

Where your spirit cannot hide.         

Feel your limbs grow numb as warm dragon rain

Pushes your fears aside.

Let it wash away your sadness,

Let it melt away your pain.

You need not fear the darkness

When you're drenched with dragon rain.

 

Fly on through the winter,

Forsake the fickle spring

As the tears of the dragons

Take you underneath their wing.

 

Stay hidden in the forest

Where endless night knows no despair.

Breathe out to liberate your soul

Watch it dancing through the air.

Chase it over skyscrapers,

Let boundaries keep you not.

Forgive the everlasting war,

Thousands of years we’ve fought.

 

Fly on through the winter,

Forsake the fickle spring

As the tears of the dragons

Take you underneath their wing.

 

Rage comes with incredible ease

When summoned by human kind;

But love and understanding

Fill the wise old dragons' minds.

They take what they are given,

They grant what they can give,

They cry for long lost empathy,

They're forced to hide to live.

 

Fly on through the winter,

Forsake the fickle spring

As the tears of the dragons

Take you underneath their wing.

 

So bare your naked heart,

Reveal your hidden dreams

And truth will be unveiled,

Things aren’t always as they seem.

Hope is abstract in this day and age,

But they still know it’s there.

What the world must relearn

Is how to show they care.

As revelation hits you

Mesh your soul with mortal flesh.

You must lead on humanity,

Inspire to start afresh.

 

Fly on through all your hopes,

Forsake your heartfelt fears

As mournful tears of dragons

Fade to mist and disappear.

Author's Note

Thoughts? Anything I can improve?

Reviews

[Cryingkate]

OOOH I really loved this and didn't read Glens review before I had decided that it was so good that It was so worthy to let me make a suggestion. :-)
the chorus repeat verse I recognized that it would repeat again and sure enough you did :-) Love it.
However there isn't enough beats to keep the rhythm. perhaps a two syllable verb would fill it.
Forsake the Spring is only 4 beats and it throws me off the rhythm.
And the last line also needs 1 syllable.. Perhaps use underneath instead of under?
And the last line of the last verse before your re frame : the word afresh has a space in it.
"Inspire to start af resh."

I really loved the message and structure and was very fun to read also. It took me away joyfully but with a serious message.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you Kate, I will revisit it and make some corrections. So happy you enjoyed it!

[realmwriter]

You need improve nothing of this piece. It stands perfect as it is written. Your dragon is painted here as a kindly, caring creature. One of empathy and love. One can just imagine taking flight with this creature and letting its tears wash away the stain of pain and indifference. Wonderful job my friend.

[Ashira Macy]

Wow, thank you so much that really means a lot! I am so glad you enjoyed it!

[realmwriter]

You're most welcome It's the least I can say.

[Sophy Freebirds]

I liked the defiant metaphor of spring. Yoy encourage the reader to fly through the winter( difficulties of life) but give up the fickle spring( the happiness). The nature of the the whole poem drips with optimism. Totally my cup of tea.Yes we should try to fly through the difficulties because that is when we uncover our strength.. i liked the structure of it. A very enthusiastic write. Boosted my spirit. :) keep writing n***a.

~Sophy

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Sophy, I am so glad this one spoke to you. It definitely asks the reader to look further into themselves to find their optimism.

[Norman T]

I loved your metaphor for optimism being described as "dragon rain". The rhythm and the repeated "chorus" suggests that it would also make a wonderful song. Perhaps this could be the next development of your meaningful and uplifting poem. (but make sure it's not in a doleful minor key.)

Norman

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you Norman, I originally meant for it to be a song, though I am afraid I am no composer. I could sing it if someone put it to music for me, but writing music is a whole other story. =)

[DJ]

A wondrous story told in smooth fashion.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you for your words DJ.

[raj24]

"What the world must relearn
Is how to show they care"

i enjoyed the whole story of rain, n i always believe every rain drop washes sumthing in us, our pains, our soul and help us relearn about the world..our hearts r naked, who finds it hard to trust..we have dreams which are waiting to find their places...n this world really needs to show what it really care for..Dragon Rain..loved the title..thanks for sharing..

Raj

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much Raj, I always believed rain was cleansing too. To the atmosphere and to ourselves.=)

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

Wow, this is very good, I love the image this piece gives me. I can see dragons flying with their tears bathing the earth, I also see their tears freezing into snow since it sounds like they fly in the winter in this piece xD that could just be me though. I like the rhythm and rhyme you used. It's like a story within a song, and I like that.

Good Job

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much Peace Keeper, I am glad you were able to visualize it. I love songs that tell a story, so I that is how I modeled it. =)

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

You're welcome ^^ and you did a good job modeling it lol

[Rene Salinas]

Where would the dragon be without the princess? And the Dragon's might resides on the the fact that he is fearless but not only that he has accepted his life and has embraced what has been given to him in order to make out of it what corresponds to him. But not only that! he has become an archetype for lost imagination and tender thought that young and old can reach. He is the bearer of a power that can turn matter to ashes from crystallisation to gaseous but not only that! As it is clear they are noble creatures embraced by one and all. And all that from your wrting. Sorry I am not one to do deconstruction in poetry sometimes better equates to different sometimes different changes the meaning.

But where will the dragon be without the princess?

Thankyou

[Ashira Macy]

Beautifully put Rene, thank you for that it was very well said. =)

[Frieda P]

I adore the title, and the poem followed suit, it's whimsical with a power to it, dragons equate the mystical and strength, you nailed it!

[Ashira Macy]

Why thank you my dear! =)

[Frieda P]

Well deserved, my pleasure. :)