Plea to the Spider Woman

Coiled up cobalt leather,

Noir wax encrusted string,

Woven tightly about

A slender iron ring.

Pearly plumage push through

The dangling azure beads

Awaiting the nighttime

When it can at last feed.

 

But gluttonous is this

Recourse protection spell,

As night terrors alone

Very little do quell

Its starvation after

Dreamscape image cuisine;

Devouring delusions

Before they can be seen.

 

My thanks dear defender,

Champion of mind ghosts,

Slayer of vile demons

My psyche harmfully hosts.

 

But so desperately

I yearn for fantasy

Please, I beg! Can’t you see?

 

My eager astral plane

Possesses many themes,

Make a meal of my fears,

Just surrender the dreams.

Author's Note

My first attempt at being a bit structured. Six syllables to a line. Let me know what you think!

Reviews

[ImSJ]

To my sight this is, in many parts, obscure. I assume that the poem addresses a "recourse protection spell" whose construction and components are described in the first stanza? When active it is non-discriminating between your night terrors and pleasant dreams? I think I have that right but am unsure. It is an interesting concept which needs to be disciplined to reveal its value. More work will pay dividends, I think.

I applaud your decision to employ a structured approach. All poetry hinges on structure as well as word choice to convey meaning. Even the conscious decision to not use a formal structure is a structure of sorts. Words without structure are babble. Discipline your words to carry your meaning and no other to the mind of your reader. This is the craft of poetry.

A good start, Ashira. Take it back into the forge and pound on it some more until the blade is sharp and sure.

[Ashira Macy]

You are correct in your assumption. More specifically it is about a dream catcher. That is what the description at the beginning is. I will probably go back and rework it at some point. Thank you for your insightful and honest review, I appreciate it!

[KatDarkness]

You balance structure and imagery very well :)

[Ashira Macy]

Hey Kat, thanks for taking the time to read! That is good to hear, I have been trying to work on my structure a bit more. Thank you so much. =)

[Edward Lancheister]

i like the imagery you a written, regardless the flow, flow or structure. its good to become a story according to your point of view

keep it up :)

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much Edward, I am glad you liked it. I always hope to steer people to see what I see. =)