Plea to the Spider Woman

Coiled up cobalt leather,

Noir wax encrusted string,

Woven tightly about

A slender iron ring.

Pearly plumage push through

The dangling azure beads

Awaiting the nighttime

When it can at last feed.

 

But gluttonous is this

Recourse protection spell,

As night terrors alone

Very little do quell

Its starvation after

Dreamscape image cuisine;

Devouring delusions

Before they can be seen.

 

My thanks dear defender,

Champion of mind ghosts,

Slayer of vile demons

My psyche harmfully hosts.

 

But so desperately

I yearn for fantasy

Please, I beg! Can’t you see?

 

My eager astral plane

Possesses many themes,

Make a meal of my fears,

Just surrender the dreams.

Author's Note

My first attempt at being a bit structured. Six syllables to a line. Let me know what you think!

Reviews

[ImSJ]

To my sight this is, in many parts, obscure. I assume that the poem addresses a "recourse protection spell" whose construction and components are described in the first stanza? When active it is non-discriminating between your night terrors and pleasant dreams? I think I have that right but am unsure. It is an interesting concept which needs to be disciplined to reveal its value. More work will pay dividends, I think.

I applaud your decision to employ a structured approach. All poetry hinges on structure as well as word choice to convey meaning. Even the conscious decision to not use a formal structure is a structure of sorts. Words without structure are babble. Discipline your words to carry your meaning and no other to the mind of your reader. This is the craft of poetry.

A good start, Ashira. Take it back into the forge and pound on it some more until the blade is sharp and sure.

[Ashira Macy]

You are correct in your assumption. More specifically it is about a dream catcher. That is what the description at the beginning is. I will probably go back and rework it at some point. Thank you for your insightful and honest review, I appreciate it!

[Jack Wolfe]

Hmm, this was different then your norm, not just in structure; a meal of your fears, a carnivorous insight; the yearning appetite satiated with fear; interesting, your lines are short and meant for punch, I question is the limitation, a restriction to thought, seems to me there's more to be said, but you became reserved due to structure. I could be wrong, happens often, just an observation.

[Ashira Macy]

I am not sure, you could very well be right. I may revisit it one day. Thanks Wolfey!

[Sami Khalil]

The title is unique. The poem is splendid. I like the idea of making meals from fears. Powerful...:)..........

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much Sami, I am happy you enjoyed it!

[Sami Khalil]

Yep. You are welcome muchly...:)..................

[Rene Salinas]

It was only when I read your notes that the structure itself became alive. Any concious effort is a good effort. I however revel in this sickening disgust of the darkened inside. Yeah I know strange yet I have learned to accpet that in me. So it is refreshing to see in others the resembling differences in this case as you gently observe and wish for some of it to be pushed away for lack of a better word. Quite a confession in my view to use the word astral as it implies a belief system which instantly brings about the scales of morality weighing what should go on one said and then what would the counterbalance be. But only to be unraveled at the end on were you share that either way , either side of the scale is part of you and rather than interfering or intervening you should accept sweet surrender.

Great journey or just a dream within a dream?


Thankyou

[Ashira Macy]

I don't think it is strange to revel in the dark, it is an intriguing part of us, something that it hard to understand, yet we so desperately want to. Thanks so much for reading this and your insight into it. I am glad you got so much out of it.

[Fran Marie]

You did good with the six syllable lines..enjoyed the read..well done

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Fran, I appreciate it! =)

[raj24]

for me it stand out as a struggle for a woman...who waited for her time to come at night only to find her own fears coming in her way..she is upset...but then she changes her mind...n get ready to overcome her fears and surrender herself to her dreams...i hope i got it right..

"My eager astral plane
Possesses many themes,
Make a meal of my fears,
Just surrender the dreams."

Raj

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks for reading this one Raj, hope it was enjoyable.

[raj24]

it was enjoyable..i am just curious to know was i right about my view of the poem..?

[Ashira Macy]

I would say that how anyone sees a poem is correct. Creativity doesn't end with the author, it continues on in the reader. As it were, this one is about how a dream catcher set up only to protect from nightmares has actually been consuming good dreams as well. I meant it to be abstract though so that people could interpret how they wanted.

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice use of words. Create images and thoughts for the reader. I like the flow of thoughts and the questions in the poem.
"My eager astral plane
Possesses many themes,
Make a meal of my fears,
Just surrender the dreams."
I like the ending. Left the reader with a logical ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you for reading and reviewing, I am glad it sat well with you! =D

[Coyote Poetry]

It did and you are welcome.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

As for your Author's Note...with restriction and rhyme...this was a pleasant read...I like the flow and the words did not hinder me as some rhyme does when you're trying too hard with the design of the over-all concept...but this is a thumbs up...

[Ashira Macy]

That is good to hear, thank you!

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...

[Matching Socks]

Nicely done here, can't really tell that you've structured it this way as you get lost in the words.
Really enjoyed this one. Unique, different. Good imagery.

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks Ance, I am so glad you enjoyed it!