[Untitled] Slam Poem

I'm going to preform/I preformed this poem on Friday 4/8/11 for the Slam Poetry unit in my Creative Writing class

You know, when a girl's heart gets broken in high school,

She feels like it's the end of the world.

She may not act like it, or maybe she makes it known worldwide…

Ok so I suppose worldwide, in her eyes,

is a few people outside of her school,

But that's not the important thing.

The important thing is that she's depressed,

And she doesn't feel like she has anywhere to go.

She's sad and she cries and people she loves surround her,

Always asking those stupid questions:

"Are you ok?  What's wrong?"

And even though some people she doesn't even know step up to offer a hand,

She ultimately feels alone because who are these people really?

Are they as genuine as they claim, or are they just like him and ready to snap her in two right where it hurts most - the heart.

Or maybe you're more like me, and when you cry

You feel it's a sign of weakness, so you hide…

Not that it makes you feel any less weak to be curled up in a ball

In the corner of the biggest bathroom stall during the first hour you should have went to,

But it's nice to know that nobody will see your face when you just let it all out.

That is, until you're ready to call your big brother for help and you're a little dumbfounded to see and old friend at his side.

...yet the tears roll on, then the anger...

When a high school girl's heart is broken,

Nobody seems to care as much as she wishes someone would.

She doesn't reach a hand out and beg for someone to just see through that fake smile,

Or the false laugh she reaches deep down to find just the right pitches and volumes to make seem real.

No...most girls just wallow in their low self esteem and talk to their close friends about it later,

Or cry themselves to sleep for a few nights feeling more and more pathetic the harder they cry,

Or make a nonchalant status update on their Facebook wall with a cliché semicolon,

Followed by an opening parenthesis.

Not that I'm denying ever doing those things...except that last one.  That's a tad too stereotypical.

All I'm saying is, that if you're more like me, when you're down

The way you tell the world is through somebody else's words - musically, of course -

In hopes that the one person you want to hear that song listens to it and thinks of you.

But who gets that wish come true?  Nobody, really.

At least the song you can't stop singing the chorus to helps you realize you're not completely alone in this self-pity.

When a girl in high school has a broken heart,

She, or at least, I, contemplates suicide.

And suicide over some guy sounds like one of the most stupid things a person could do…

Hell, I even think it's pretty lame when you can do something as heroic as take a bullet for that someone later

And as you die in their arms hear them whisper that they loved you all along…

But if you're like me when you're there,

When you feel you're madly and deeply in a love with the person who just walked all over you

You think about it… the thought crosses your mind.

And for that I'm not really sure if I'm angry at him, or if I'm angry at myself.

I suppose it's wrong to blame him for my actions,

But I don't know if it's just as wrong to point out that it's his actions that led me to make my own.

When a girl in high school gets her heart broken,

It's a little too cliché to go around telling everyone about how much it hurts,

And anyone can agree that taking a sharpie to your fingers,

Writing L-O-V-E right below each knuckle,

And punching that someone right in the face…

...is a little too extreme.

But I dunno, I'd really love to.

Telling him "I love you" in the same way he told me he did, then didn't, then did, then didn't…

Playing his stupid games and using my heart as the pawn...

But then when he finally settled on the fact that he loved me, he made his empty promises.

I look back on it now and wonder just how stupid I could really be,

"We'll be together after high school," he says,

"So that parents can't get in the way, and to prove just how long we're willing to wait for one another."

Pretty words, foul tongue.

And I believed him…

So where am I now?

Ha, hell.  I'm most certainly in hell.

And I'm pissed off that I let myself get there.

When a high school girl's heart is broken,

She turns to her ex.

She doesn't care who, as long it's someone to hold her tight and tell her they love her,

That she matters…

...but then she realizes its not just love she's craving...but his love…

The love of the one she's truly in love with.

But it's too late.

He's taken.

There's no fight anymore, no battle to be won,

For what battle is worth fighting with your best friend?

...with your sister?

I'm so angry at myself, so frustrated that I still feel this way.

I told her that.

I told him that.

I admitted to them both that I still want him, but that I won't step in because I'd rather hurt myself than hurt them…

Just as I always do...putting myself last.

It's like cutting, only more painful...and a helluva lot harder to stop doing.

I just hope that this can give them a peek into my world,

And for a small moment they can see what it's really like on this side.

I'm selfishly just wishing that maybe, just maybe, they'll see…

And hopefully I can be happy…

Just once….just...once…

When a high school girl like me gets her heart broken,

She finds it hard to see beyond her love life,

But she keeps trying because her selfish wants and desires are second to that of the love of her life and her sister.

Hopefully this time away from love will teach me a few things more than I've already learned about it.

I also hope that maybe this time away from me will only help that special one see

That I'm the one for him, and that my sister will find her true love after this fling…

But if that doesn't work out, if I don't get what I want - as usual -

Then I wish them well on their journey through life, I honestly mean that,

And all I hope for myself is that I can get out of this hellhole called love.

Author's Note

PICTURE NOT MINE.