Arose

I loved and lost. This poem poured out of my heart one night, waking me from sleep begging to be captured in print.

He rose, my Rose, to promise life and love.
From fertilest soil of youth he sprung, in answer
To the question of my heart. His roots,
With mine commingled, intertwined.  Inseparable,
Giving life each to the other. Where he grew,
I also grew; where he receded, I declined,
Following him through the springtime of my life.
His thorns, my shelter; my warmth, his comfort,
We grew, symbiotically, toward the Light.
I glimpsed such blessed life, such happiness!
Yet, the life he rose to give was not for me.
Love's promise answered to another's heart.
Soon wilting, lacking light in which to grow,
With roots so bound and choked, I slowly fade.
In view and reach of all I need to thrive,
I'm plucked and tossed onto the compost heap--
Just one more weed who'd thought herself a Rose.

Author's Note

I'm new to this, and sincerely seeking critical feedback on this free verse poem, ways it could be improved, and guidance in how to best capture imagery.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

i think the success of this poem is in the outpouring of deep felt love and pain and grief ..(i read your note) i like the word play with the title, the weaving of the garden throughout along with the rose .. i think your imagery is fine .. i admire your desire to improve but i don't think i would change a thing .. waking from sleep and having a poem pour out is pretty cool .. again..i wouldn't change it .. the ending lines are so, so sad .. one can read a whole lot into those lines .. ;)
E.

[Rich13White]

Just wow I'm that f*****g weed that thought myself a rose time and time again... beautiful and sad

[LA Waning]

Wow, your imagery but especially your metaphorical use of the word rose was excellent. I really enjoyed this. If you are new at this, you are doing so good I'm jealous. I had a rocky start years ago.

[Ghost]

This is beautiful, thats all i can say

[MomzillaNC]

Masterful lines and vibrant imagery.

Might I suggest a visual layout for more impact; something like this:
He rose,
my Rose,
to promise life and love.
From fertilest soil of youth he sprung,
in answer
To the question of my heart.
His roots,
With mine commingled,
intertwined.
Inseparable,
Giving life each to the other.
Where he grew,
I also grew;
where he receded,
I declined,
Following him
through the springtime of my life.

His thorns,
my shelter;
my warmth,
his comfort,
We grew,
symbiotically,
toward the Light.
I glimpsed such blessed life,
such happiness!

Yet,
the life he rose to give
was not for me.
Love's promise answered
to another's heart.
Soon wilting,
lacking light
in which to grow,
With roots so bound and choked,
I slowly fade.
In view and reach
of all I need to thrive,
I'm plucked
and tossed onto the compost heap--
Just one more weed
who'd thought herself a Rose.

[xDalliance]

Woah. Okay. First off, your comparison is beautiful. Don't worry, your imagery was perfect. You've captured the emotion I wanted to capture, in a better way than I ever could. Although, there was a line or two, which confused me or maybe it's because of my age, whatever the case maybe. Otherwise, I really liked it.

[Ibreez Shabkhez]

I love it... not every one can write free verse and make it sound like poetry. There is, however, the point that you need to work harder on free verse than poetry that rhymes because the structure of each verse becomes so much more significant and this drudgery is what will distinguish this completely from a melodramatic( exceedingly well written) piece of prose from a classical novel.

The poem is a wonderfully refreshing reminder of what blank verse should be like, but you can make this even better.


Have a nice time and don't forget to send some of this great stuff my way.

[Tricia Pattinson]

You've the soul of a poet. The use of metaphor is great! Expressive imagery and good flow. I love the poem but the outcome, the narrator's self view, is very saddening for me. The self blame tragic. In the end contraction from the world brought sorrow!

[raj24]

it captures so many things, beauty of a flower, writers possessiveness for it, her care and in the end question the very existence of it..beautifully crafted..i am not a critic..i just love the thoughts..i liked yours..thanks for sharing..:)

Raj

[Ashfallen]

I can't thank you enough. I like the way you've given me a new perspective on my own writing, that doesn't happen very often. :) Thanks for the read, kind words and taking the time to review; it is very appreciated.

[Fran Marie]

This is sad ..yet so lovely expressed in poetic verse....well done

[Ashfallen]

Thanks so much.