The Lake

Task: Write a short story based on a poem. I chose 'The Lake' by Edgar Allan Poe.

I found tranquility along the lakeside; where the lily pads cradled the smallest of water creatures and the tall pines towered around the rim of the lake.  Undisturbed by the wind and rain, the crisp, shimmering surface below looked compelling as I tentatively made my way to the water’s edge. The soil crumbled beneath my feet as I forged closer to my place of solitude. Every so often, I caught sight of my distorted reflection in the water; although the person I saw followed my every movement, I could not help but envision them as another person who would be beside me and comfort me regardless.

Delicately, I brushed my fingers through the responsive mirror, awed by the refined ripples that dissipated to the surrounding areas. I took my first step. Mud loomed around my ankles, making me feel delinquent for causing the disruption. Inch by inch, I descended into the water " automatically feeling the calming sensation pervade my very soul " my toes sliding into the indulgent soil beneath.  The amiability of the water around my calves invited me further into the depth of the lake.

The satiny liquid enveloped my body, caressed my skin, ventured my very existence. I felt purified, my guilt and sins had been washed away. All of a sudden, as the shawl of water wrapped around my torso, I went one step too far. I lost my footing. Hurtling down into the caliginous depths below, I found myself completely submerged. Not processing the danger I was in I felt relaxed, it was pleasant letting go. The floating light streamed through the water, the outside world seemed obscure and secluded: a different world entirely. My hair " usually impetuous and recalcitrant, was silky and luscious in the water " encircling itself around my neck. Tighter and tighter.  It wasn't until then that I realised I was sinking and the panic crept in. The reality hit me at last. I was underwater. I couldn't get back to the surface. I was going to die. These thoughts were pounding through my head as I began to thrash my limbs violently: desperate to reach the outside world. The light that seeped through the murky depths turned into my solace as I used all my energy to scramble to the top; the place I had been so desperate to leave.  I grasped, flailing my arms to attract attention, subsequently failing.

I let the suppressed cry that formed behind my lips escape. I gulped down a mouthful of nauseating, bemired water. I could feel it choking me, filling my lungs. The burning intensified as it coursed through my body. I lost all energy. I surrendered. My arms and legs went limp, my sight deteriorated - defeated and tired " I succumbed to the darkness. The panic was over. 

Author's Note

would love some pointers to improve it :)

Reviews

[Mizo4]

im not one for good advice on how to improve it, with any peice the more interesting imagery you use the better in my books.

ok its a lovely prose and it was pleasant to read.