Words

Some days the darkness rolls

boils and spews forth,

More and more.

Driving me to oblivion,

Blowing out the flickering.

Time is just a number,

constant, changing, ever infinite.

As trust and belief in a better time dwindle

And ever on they just lie, hurt and don't care.

Some seem blind to their actions,or

it's that they see and don't give a damn.

Words and more words

are tainted with a poison

and every one said must be examined,

but the truth behind them

is never known.

Author's Note

Still working on this

Reviews

[Heather Anne]

Thanks for the the crit and thought. I'll have a look at it and see if I still feel the poem the way its written and how it might work with your advice.

I like the idea of enhancing the words like that, I often dont think about it because it would be messy but I forget that I'll eventually be typing them up so thanks :)

Time is a number because when we lose time its just numbers on a clock to us while in reality the "loss"of time is a lot bigger than numbers that we as people came up with. It's the sun,earth and moon.

Thanks for that on dwindles a typo actually.

The last three lines-there isn't a word missing its about how every word we say or that is said to us has to be examined as it all holds meaning, sometimes carrying lies and empty promises.

[TLK]

The first two lines are good -- the 'rule of three' on the hot liquid verbs works well. I wonder if this can be enhanced by having them all on their own line.
I think the capital 'More' after the previous line's comma might be a mistake.

The metaphor of "time as a number" is confusing to me -- it has more effect on the universe than a number.
The last word of line eight would read better as "dwindles".

The last three lines are powerful, but "everyone said must be examined" seems to be missing a word, as it doesn't quite fully make sense to me.