Vent Poem #2-The room where depression lives

Another poem I wrote a while ago but also edited (help this one got posted on my school news page)

TW: SI, SH, References :TW

Your safety matters

Love ya :)

They say room where depression lives is cold but hot

The swirls in cold creamer when you pour it into a steaming hot cup of coffee

Ice when you pour boiling water on it

Hot cocoa when it's below freezing outside

The room where depression lives is cold but hot

A cold that is to cold

As cold as the solar system if there were no stars or sun, no heat. 

A cold that chills you to the bone

A cold that could only happen if you were to freeze completely

And you don't even see it coming.

And a hot that is to hot

A hot as hot

No hotter than the sun

It burns you alive 

And you don’t even see it coming

  

The room where depression lives is drenched in steam

The heat and the cold combating to see who can get to me first

Creating precipitation that is melted before it even touches me 

and so much water fighting the fire

Begging it to not get to me first.

Because you see water shines

And Fire glows

Both beautiful in their own way

However their both fighting to your demise

And in this moment this microscopic moment in time

You have enough time to think about them and what they want

Because fire glows 

And water shines

Which would make you happier?

Perhaps the fire because it provides warmth

Perhaps the water because the shine reminds you of the shine that used to float in their eyes

Providing you with hope…And warmth

Which one are you?

We are always divided into two categories 

Cats and Dogs

Black or White

Straight or Gay

Democrat or Republican

Hot Or Cold

Fire Or Water Happy Or Sad

Because all I know is that The room where depression lives is full of happiness

at least that’s what they think. 

because they don’t know what you know

they don’t see what you see

But that’s not what I see

Not in this room where depression lives

I see bad hair days

I see the way my body looks in the mirror

And d****t I  know that when I look in the mirror

I don't see what is good  in my body

I see hair, covering my body

My legs, My  upper lip, In between My  eyebrows

I see the sc@rs 

that run up and down my ams

And the few on my thighs

I  see the spots of the room where 

I  sobbed so hard 

I  broke eye vessels

I see the spots of the room that hold 

My secrets

I see the spots of my room that hid pencil sharpeners with loose screws

I  see everything

They see the facade

They  say the room where depression lives is full of happiness

I say the room where depression lives is full of every emotion all at once

I say the room where depression lives, is hot and cold, fire and ice, happy and sad.

I say the room where depression lives is every inch of my being can be found

I  say the room where depression is

It’s all inside of my body

Every memory that has plagued my brain

The room where depression is nothing and everything all at once