Flat Line

Its about a car accident, which turned out really ugly, and how the person is interpreting his surroundings. yes, the person dies in the end.

White coats aflutter

Semi-conscious

Thoughts in disarray

Floral scrubs blend together

As when

Zebras run from hunter

Beeping hearts

Semi-conscious

 

Wheels screeching

As children do with needles

But this isn't about needles

This is life or death

But you are only

Semi-conscious

 

The beeping ceases

A constant monotone rhythm

White coats aflutter

Reviews

[Gravedigger]

Very well done. I compliment you on your style, it isn't drawn out and "fluffed" with useless information that bores the reader, but still kept me going. The only thing I would suggest is to add an "a" or a "the" right before the word "hunter". Its not a huge thing if you don't, just my humble opinion.

This one felt almost too real...put out some more like it!

[Staci Brown]

really kewl poem hon... loved the analogies you presented...

Welcome to the Cafe too! :D

Faerie Blessings!

--faerie whisper (breaking the silence...)

[David M Pitchford]

Haunting! Wonderfully thoughtful.
I love the way you build the images and impressions with such lean language. It is a remarkable talent. Especially within the freedom of informal poetry.
Thanks for sharing!
David

[M. Amphet Salt]

Short but elusive enough to force the reader to think of what is going on. Good write.