I Am

This is a poem I wrote for school, and it almost made my teacher cry.

I am the spontaneous and outgoing girl,
I am the girl that smiles those big smiles.
The girl who laughs to hard, and complains alot.
The girl that everyone wants me to be.
I am respectful, and polite.
I am the girl everyone expects the most out of.

I am the girl that everyone wants me to be.
The fake smiles, and laughs mean nothing.
Look deep into my eyes and you will see
the truth...

I am the girl that was over pushed.
I am a good example of lifes torment.
A good example of what happens when you
are betrayed to many times.
I am the source of never ending pain,
the hollow shell of a mature young adult.

I am the darkness, keeping the light away
from your ever-blinking eyes.
I am the hollow shell of a once living being.
I am the blue of betrayal; Broken and Fearful.
I am the pain and confusion,
hidden behind the fake smile you wear everyday.

I am the gorgeous girl no one has ever wanted,
yet betray anyway.
I am the flower, that droops its head, instead
of reaching for the light.

I am the poem that shakes the very fiber of your being.
I am the one who is sympathetic, and understanding,
although no one can give me the time of day.
I am the one people abuse, and neglect.
Confused, my feelings are botteled up.
Mistakes haunt me day after day.

I am a fighter.
The missing piece to a puzzel unsolved.
Love me or hate me, it doesn't matter.
I am who I am, and nothing can change that.

 

Author's Note

It is honestly how I am, so yea..

Reviews

[holyspirit1]

i like your words they are from the heart and they are the words of a true writer..the best stories come from life's experiences..but don't be so hard on your self..if you are depressed talk to someone don't hold things inside of your self..be happy in who you are and people will either be happy for you or they won't and stay close to the ones that love you and stay away from negative people who want to bring you down..remember god loves you for who you are and he always will no matter what others may say..it is alright to be different..the world is a better place with diversity..

[Chris T.]

I am going to review it based solely on the writing, so don't take anything personally if this piece is a representation of you.

A good motto to live by when writing something is "SHOW" and not "tell". I will explain what I mean by this.

example: "I am the girl that was over pushed". Ok. cool. How were you pushed? How did you feel? This line by itself could turn into a longer more involved piece. SHOW me how the pushing, don't just tell me about it.

With that said, I would say the first half or so is mostly telling, and the second half really starts to show some excellent imagery. I thoroughly enjoyed the line "I am the poem that...fiber..." . Excellent, excellent line.

This piece has a lot of potential if you are willing to work on it more. It is a manifestation of YOU, so make it even more personal. As you do that, it will form into an even more powerful piece.