star light night

 

THE STAR LIGHT NIGHT        

The night is so dark, and the wind is like hair and waves and oh no!!!!!we have a invastion the Alians. Look out they have weapons they are going to kill us, oh silly me it is just the stars, look at the houses they are on fire get out now get out before you all die!!!!!!!!. oh it is not fire they are candles burning so brightly. To night the wind looks like a tidal wave what!!a tidal wave!!!!!!!!!! look out a tidal wave is coming over the town!!!! get out of your houses now before we all drowned!!!!!!! then there is the great tree behind me but is it the great tree it looks like a monster what a m m m monster!!!!!look out a monster is going to trample the town!!!!!!!

oh no!!!! a comet we are doomed this is the end of the world we are all going to die oh silly me what am I saying it is not a comet it is the moon bright and shiny moon.

Author's Note

when i was in school i used to take art as a subject and as part of our lessons we were asked to do a poem on van gaughs star light night. i remembered watching the news as i done the poem, on the news was floods , comets and loads more so i added stuff from teh news and let my imagination run wild really

Reviews

[Mr. Misanthrope]

As vivid and imaginative as this story is, I would seriously recommend revising it. The style you present the writing with lacks aesthetic background and a professional touch, and this tends to distance your readers. I am different of course, because I would read your stories anyway, but only because I know you. When writing, you must always consider that your reader is reading your stories for the first time, and in all honesty, I doubt he would be too enthusiastic to attempt reading your other stories if he saw this. He would find it immature, and most probably he would think you were lazy...this looks like you copied and pasted it just for the sake of it.

I implore you to revise this thoroughly and make it something so pleasing to the eye that if, by chance, a reader happens to pick this as his first read, he would at least be willing to move on to your others, which are much, much better. Your potential would be a waste if he lost hope just because of one unrevised story.

Luke

[Wildecat]

What an imagination you have, this is a delightful story, love your stories, thanks for sharing.