The Walking Dead

Sometimes you never love a soul

After life, coffin is the world,
In the abyss of darkness,
Seasons changed; never known,
To the moment time compels.

Full moon; Orchestra of virgin sounds,
Echoed high over the lime light,
Conscious peeped inside the coffin,
The strength of life blooms.

Crawled out, Coffin was nothing,
As if not a fantasy or hallucination,
Path was shown by the divine,
Walked, jerking, pounding and leaping.

Knocked the door of love,
Once flowered life long,
Opened the door, curious eyes bulges out,
Screaming and fled for safety.

Sat beside Piano,
Tone of sadness, echoed high,
Crowd appeared with weapons,
Crushing the door to open.

Saw a skeleton as musical composer,
Feared, but never gave a second chance,
Crushed and thrown into pieces,
Wife and children prayed for mercy.

Coffin was built again,
Scattered bones are carried,
Thrown inside coffin,
Never ever liked the smiling soul.

Reviews

[JayG]

Minor point: The semicolon isn’t a kind of comma. Aside from its other duties, it separates fully independent sentences that rate a shorter pause than a period would generate. So, “Slept as ghost; In the abyss of darkness;” should be: “Slept as ghost, in the abyss of darkness.”

• Writing from my mind, when ever I feel, I must write.

But as a result, all the touch-points to intended meaning remain inaccessible to the reader. For you, every line points to images, meaning, and intent in your mind. But for the reader, every line points to images, meaning, and intent in *YOUR* mind.

Take the line I quoted, above. As a reader, how does a ghost sleep? That depends on the intent of the person writing the line.

And what in the pluperfect hells can, “Seasons changed; To the moment time compels,” mean to a reader who just arrived? How do seasons relate to the specific of sleeping like a ghost? You know, of course. But the reader must have context as they read or it’s just words in a row, meaning uncertain.

Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook is a brilliant introduction to the techniques and objectives of poetry, and, it’s filled with little gems, like the explanation of why we sometimes use the word, rock, and at others, stone, for the same thing.

You can download a readable copy, free, on the site below (except on a phone), though you’ll probably want a hard copy of your own.

And as an afterthought: Be very careful about being deliberately obscure to seem deep. It’s easy to slip into a mode where the focus is on being too deep for normal humanity, in order to seem “special,” as Bunthorn did in this poem:

"OH, HOLLOW! HOLLOW! HOLLOW!"


What time the poet hath hymned

The writhing maid, lithe-limbed,

Quivering on amaranthine asphodel,

How can he paint her woes,

Knowing, as well he knows,

That all can be set right with calomel?


When from the poet's plinth

The amorous colocynth

Yearns for the aloe, faint with rapturous thrills,

How can he hymn their throes

Knowing, as well he knows,

That they are only uncompounded pills?

But even he admitted to:

If you're anxious for to shine
in the high sthetic line
as a man of culture rare,
You must get up all the germs
of the transcendental terms,
and plant them everywhere.

You must lie upon the daisies
and discourse in novel phrases
of your complicated state of mind,
The meaning doesn't matter
if it's only idle chatter
of a transcendental kind.

And every one will say,
As you walk your mystic way,
"If this young man expresses himself
in terms too deep for me,
Why, what a very singularly deep young man
this deep young man must be!"

-------------------
* The first verse of the song, “Am I Alone and Unobserved?” (Act 1, song #6, from G&S - Patience, or, Bunthorne’s Bride)
A truly great stand-alone performance of the song, above, is here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu_Xk_Vl6fk

[Arundass TP]

Thank you for critics, and information.

[Arundass TP]

Thank you friend 😊

[Ken e Bujold]

sat beside the piano; tones of sadness echo .." what a magical image

well done Arundass

[Arundass TP]

Thank you friend 😊