Black Rose

Left for death
your eyes stay motionless
just too much meth
you die and digress
your hand presses mine
one last grasp of breath
you let fall the wine
a kiss for your death.

Walk away my fair child
beautiful spirit untrue
our God beguiled
leaves a black rose for you.

Author's Note

Ignore bad grammar

Reviews

[Chris]

I remembered Costain's "The Black Rose". Totally different but then death is personal as we see it.

[Violet Rose]

I disagree with the shady fellow. I think it was short and swe--- well, you know what I mean. It was dark and crisp; simple but intense.

[Läin]

Very good, this is interesting and it is a bit dark, great poem.

[Neg]

Another interesting poem, but I think its a little short, I like it because its powerful. I think that your sentences could have been constructed better but the impact of this poem is so strong that it out weighs the construction of your sentences. good job, I hope to read more of your work.

[Twilight]

I agree with the reviewer, who suggested that this is a little too short? Also, I associate a black rose with funereal connotations. Well, it is certainly a bleak and candid poem, rather dark in tone. I interpreted this as an indictment or representation of the moral decline in modern society? Or cultural decline, perhaps? It would be most interesting, if you explained your purpose a little, in the Author's Note?

The flow is slightly stilted, but that does not detract too much from the impact of your wording. Thankyou kindly, for adding this poem to my Group, "Twilight's Disciples"! Who will be next, to add a piece of their writing to my Group?

[Elmij Jim]

Well, its greatfull, it reminds me the black roses album from a finnish band, good work.

[Eliza Pleasant]

Ooh, it's so dark, I love it. Even with so few words, It tells a story of loss and love.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

I agree a very powerful well written poem. Very nicely done. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Poeticpiers]

powerful though brief conjures up a clear image

[Suhcej]

Very good work here, a little too short I think, but it has its power. A simple poem, I guess it has something to do with your book, am I right? Anyways I hope to see your work finished. Good rhyming, thanks for posting this writing.