Crash

A man tries a new diet pill with dangerous side effects.

The cabinets were empty, the fridge and pantry as well. It had not been a dream. Robert really did throw out all the food in his apartment.

"Why did I do something so damned stupid?!" He scolded himself.

He slammed the pantry door hard enough that one of the hinges snapped out of place. His stomach roared, and he doubled over in pain. This symptom wasn't listed in the side effects. The dizziness, sure, the headaches too. Those two things he could handle. It was a small price to pay for a speed diet that claimed it would help him drop a hundred pounds in just a month!
The little yellow supplements, that he found in an ad while reading Eaters Digest, sounded so promising. Simply take one pill for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, Then Presto! No more worrying about what to eat on your diet, because you no longer need actual food.

He had used up the last of his free trial bottle that he got for signing up the previous day. The tracking number for his next bottle said that it should have already been delivered. It never showed and now he was crippled with an insatiable hunger and fantasies of scarfing down an entire pizza. That would be amazing! He thought, considering he didn't have the energy to drive. He pulled out his phone and began to call it in.

A gentle, nurturing voice from his living room stopped him mid-dial, "Oh, my friend, don't do that."

Robert felt a chill run through his entire body. He had been home all day with the door locked. Now, someone was in there with him. Reluctantly, he turned to face his intruder. On his couch sat a creature most unnatural. It was shaped like a large ape with green and purple fur. Its face resembled a horrid caricature of cat that had been run over, and it had hairless, droopy rabbit-like ears.

"What the f**k are you, and how did you get in here?" Robert asked with shock and anger. No matter what it was, he pondered if he had the strength to kill and possibly eat this creature that looked like one of Dr. Seuss' nightmares.

"Please don't be angry, I was sent to help you by the company that makes your pills. Do not worry how I got in here." The creature stood and walked towards Robert. It spread apart the fur on its mid-section, revealing four sets of big dark n*****s. Each of them throbbing and making a harrowing pulsating sound, as if they each had their own tiny heartbeat.

"Do you see these?" It asked. Robert stood still, mouth gaping in horror, and too stunned to speak. "This is the main source of the nutrients in your diet. This is what the pills contain. Since your delivery has fallen behind schedule, I've come to offer a special service. I will let you suckle at my teats and get it straight from the source."
The throbbing n*****s held Robert in a hypnotic trance. Part of him wanted to be disgusted by the thought of putting one of the repulsive looking things in his mouth. However, he had been doing good on this diet and didn't want to relapse. If this was something he only had to do one time, it was a small sacrifice to make.

The creature appeared to notice his mind had been made up. It laid down on the floor and patted the spot closest to it. Robert got on his hands and knees and crawled toward it. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth as he leaned in and felt the warm leathery texture of the n****e enter his mouth. The feeling of shame and dread began to be replaced by warmth and comfort as the substance entered his body. He felt good again, and he let the hallucination continue to sooth him into a deep sleep.

The maintenance men discovered his shriveled up malnourished corpse during a routine inspection three days later.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is exactly the kind of story I love -- totally "out there" & fun -- straddling the line between feasible & maybe not. I think you are nuts to let some story requirements of the original assignment stop you from making this into the fulsome story you might want it to be. I think you could stretch this story quite a bit further. For starters, name the pill. Find a hilarious crazy name & tie it into many of the aspects of the pill, such as making up words to describe how this guy feels, using the pill name as the basis for the affliction. A line such as this one: "disgusted by the thought of putting one of the repulsive looking things in his mouth" uses mundane words like "disgusted" & "repulsive" -- words people use constantly, so these words lose their ability to convey a story with impact. It's always more impactful to be specific rather than general. Instead of "repulsive-looking things" -- tell me exactly why these n*****s are so repulsive. A moment like this should be stretched to the outer limit in an outlandish story like this. Don't miss opportunities to paint a scene with your special brand of wacko. Don't make excuses like "somebody made me adhere to a word count" -- that's ancient history & this is now. You are posting your story here for us now, so make it the full story you are capable of telling! Thank you for accepting this pep talk in good faith -- you have so much potential to be a crazy-a*s story writer, which we need at the cafe, so I won't look like the only weirdo here (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[A.J. Spencer]

(((Big Hugs))) Margie, thank you so much for this feedback! You hit the nail right on the head. Ive been holding myself back too much for too long. I should have did a rewrite on this before just trying to put something on here in a hurry. Next time I'll put in the work, no excuses. I'm just glad to know there are people on here with interest in these kinds of bizarro stories. Ive had a lot of practice since writing this story and I hope the next one shows that. Much love fellow weirdo! I cant wait to check out your work!

[Samuel Dickens]

I thought I was "watching" an unreleased episode of "Twilight Zone", and that's a very good thing. Reading the reviews of my two good friends, Barleygirl and roarke, I agree that it might be longer. Then again, I like stories that are bare-boned. Having already mentioned my favorite 60's tv show, I will say that I wish the ending was more of a surprise or ironic, as TZ stories often were.

[A.J. Spencer]

Wow, thank you for that. Im flattered. I really did wish to put more into the ending. I also planned on turning this into a short film. If that goes as planned im gonna out a little bit better of a spin on things. Thank you again for reading, I cant wait to read some of your work as well!

[roarke]

heh, fun stuff. Is there a longer version of this piece? How did Robert get to the size he was? Hunger and hallucination certainly go together. I enjoyed reading this and applaud how much story you crafted in such a short piece. Well done.

[A.J. Spencer]

Thank you for the review! I wish this piece was longer. It was originally written for a local paper and I couldn't exceed the word count. Im glad you found it fun!