Untitled (1)

The years don't last long.

The days are short but the weeks

take forever,

November feels like Thursday.

Once I am dead

all I want to do is rust,

everything is changing in such a familiar way.

My life was quiet

and

your hair is getting

long

again.

Reviews

[Dylan Macadham]

Suggest Title: That's Life :)
Good Write!
Dylan

[Arthur. S. Ebbers]

Thanks! Love the title idea!

[Qwerty101]

I love these parts so much-

"All I want to do is rust"

"Everything is changing in such a familiar way"

"My life was quite and your hair is getting long again."

The way I see it, this poem takes like a vague feeling of melancholy, things seeming lethargic, but yet with a feeling of impermanence and bitter sweetness, and concretes them with purposeful, specific, metaphors, similes and imagery that bring these associations strongly.

The only recommendation I would have would be to utilize some enjambment to maybe emphasize this feeling. Breaking up this poem into multiple stanzas with a left align would maybe slow down the reading and would create a slower reading pace which would add to the feeling of what I've observed as a wonderfully potent feeling of slow melancholy reflection.

Overall I loved reading this! Will Definitely read more of your work in the future

[Arthur. S. Ebbers]

Wow! Glad you like it!

I was somewhat anxious about posting this one as I did feel that something was missing. I think the enjambement idea is exactly what it needs as it is entended to be a slower poem, even though it's quite short.

Thanks so much for the review! I'm really glad you liked it!