A depressed adolescent meets his faith in an unexpected way.
It has been
eighteen months since Will moved in with his extremely scornful foster parents
who owned a small disaster they claimed to be a house. The new, extreme left
winged government had made a poorly designed orphan-’’safety’’ net to save
money of whom Will had become victim. Two years ago from this dreadful day the
heads of Will’s parents got pierced by five sharp, steel poles that fell off
the military truck in front of them. Will saw and survived. The horror happened
when the happy family was returning home from a sunny, joyful vacation and now vivid memories haunted Will
as he dreamt about how his loved ones heads mercilessly got pierced by cold
steel. The boy felt as if he was in a prison with no walls.
Ever since Will
moved to Lowbrow he had gone by many names. Weirdo, homo, f****t, b***h, little
s**t, ugly, f**k face, queer, fils de pute, shithead, retard, go kill yourself
and parentless Will is what his cruel,
almost psychopathic classmates and foster parents liked to call him for being
depressed, dim, shy and unique. The only reason he hadn’t become estranged of
his real name is because his wasteful teachers used Will to address him. This
wasn’t the only thing the bullies did; they wrote and drew horrid concepts on
the blackboard for everyone to see before Will entered the classroom, they
abused Will by pushing him and sometimes spitting on him and if Will would get
any money from his foster parents they would surely steal it. The bullies were
ingenious in their ways, so ingenious that Will sometimes bursted releasing pouring
rain from his eyes through which he painfully and calmly spoke. In these
episodes he moaned perfectly logic statements on why the bullies were worth
nothing, were stupid and should stop but the heartless apes replied with a
simple
‘’Shut up f****t, we’re joking.’’
The bullies
didn’t care when Will cried out that he didn’t think it was funny and beat him
up for calmly stating why they were worth less than the s**t of an anorexic.
Now, eighteen
months later, on a cold, silent, pitch black night Will found himself beaten up
again by his drunk foster-father, covered in blood. Only this time Will was standing
on a bridge, looking down into the calmness of the calling abyss he had craved
for so long. He was looking down at something so beautiful, so liberating,
empathic and caring he wanted to just look at it for a while. The idea of peace
overwhelmed him and as Will spread his arms, closed his eyes and took a deep breath
he let tension overrule himself. A tension that broke. Beautiful high notes flew
through the air like calming wind, they filled the boys heart with warmth. The exquisite
singing was louder than the calling abyss and Will for one moment forgot he
wanted to take his life. He looked in the direction where the angelic singing
was coming from. It stopped.
‘’You’re not planning on jumping are you?’’
A charming
young girl in a white wedding dress had stopped three meters from Will. She
wore an expensive diamond ring and carried a bouquet of beautiful white flowers.
She had just gotten married. Will cautiously opened his mouth while thinking of
what to say, he decided to speak the first words that came to mind.
‘’There is
only one true philosophical question; and that is asking yourself whether life
is worth living or not.’’ Will paused. ’’You tell me, would you want to live if
you were ever so tired but can’t close your eyes? Would you want to live if
love would be as unimaginable as a color that doesn’t exist?”
Will spoke
and a single tear left a trail on his bloody cheek. The calming wind got
replaced by a sharp, silent, dystopian pain that struck the pair like lightning.
The girl looked down at her wedding ring and realized how bitter arranged
marriage actually is. It’s a cruel lottery: your loved ones gamble your life
away to the most powerful and rich candidate, regardless of your feelings,
regardless of the personality of your husband. She loathes him with all her
heart.
The girl
slowly stepped towards Will and spread her arms for a hug. Will flinched
automatically thinking she was going to hit him but the warm flesh of her neck
reached his and all was good. The girl in white kissed Will.
‘’You can close your eyes now.’’
The girl
spoke in an almost unsettling calm way as she leaned forward, making both of
them fall into the abyss.
A
stuttering sigh left Will’s mouth as his body filled with harmony, tranquility
and soothing.
He fell in love.
I was glad to see this story have a happy ending. I felt like with so much tragedy Will faced, it was bound to lead to a sad ending, but I enjoyed how love saved the day. You have some great expressions in this piece, like "Beautiful high notes flew through the air like calming wind." Keep writing!
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
9 Years Ago
Thank you and i will :)
About the ending, you can take in two ways (what i adore abou.. read moreThank you and i will :)
About the ending, you can take in two ways (what i adore about this story). The bride doesn't want to live a life with someone she hates with whole her heart and decides to kill herself together with Will. ''She leaned forward (they were still close to eachother) and they fell into the (calling, loving, empathic) abyss (to their death, they are now free of their tragic life)'' She kissed will also because of empathy, she wanted him to feel not only relief but also (for him unimaginable) human love while falling to his death (liberation). He fell in love. (literally falling in love)
Second way to take it is that the abyss they fell in is figurative, meaning falling in love (but i don't really think this alternative is that plausible as the two just met eachother, some people get this vibe though). He fell in love has a figurative meaning here.
''You can close your eyes now'' - you can take this as: you can close your eyes now bc are kissing and we love eachother or- you can close your eyes now because you are very tired of life (as he said before) and we're going to die now, happily.
I see neither endings as sad though. Like, what's the meaning of life if it's not worth living (like Wills life) i know... you don't know what the future brings, so don't take your life whatever happens but these two people did know what the future (near future and over a course of generations) would bring them: loneliness, manic depression and pain.
This is a very familiar story at the end. I've read it written in many different waqys so I wont focus on the end, which is always beautiful whether the character jumps or is saved. Instead, what about the beginning? If any of this is from personal experience which I am also familiar with I would urge you to really explore all the ugly ways this person has been abused. I was hoping for something I could latch on to in a personal way with the main character, like his situation at home. I think you're doing something here and I hope its not finished. Keep digging in!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much for noting a point I can improve on. I never really had this type of tragidy in my.. read moreThank you so much for noting a point I can improve on. I never really had this type of tragidy in my life but i have a good imagination, I'll come up with something people can relate to, something more compelling than bullying (what i used from personal experience).
The ending can be interpreted in 2 ways though.
Literally falling from the bridge while feeling love - He fell in love
Figurativly falling in love: He fell in love with the human that for the first time showed him empathy. (not sure if you also found this in other stories, if you did, i'll try harder to be original) :)
This is what i like about this story, you can interpret it as both of them dying or both of them staying alive.
I could have started with a point in time where Will is being abused by the drunk foster father, I think I will add this to the story.
Many thanks!
9 Years Ago
Yes sir. Agreed. Well said and hell, i hope, more words to follow!
Wow... Your first short story is amazing...
Felt so sad for Will though :(
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thanks!
But hey, we don't know if Will died right? Maybe things will be getting better for hi.. read moreThanks!
But hey, we don't know if Will died right? Maybe things will be getting better for him...
I might continue this story :)
9 Years Ago
Ach.. even if things do get better nothing with erase his painful youth... poor Will...
I was glad to see this story have a happy ending. I felt like with so much tragedy Will faced, it was bound to lead to a sad ending, but I enjoyed how love saved the day. You have some great expressions in this piece, like "Beautiful high notes flew through the air like calming wind." Keep writing!
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
9 Years Ago
Thank you and i will :)
About the ending, you can take in two ways (what i adore abou.. read moreThank you and i will :)
About the ending, you can take in two ways (what i adore about this story). The bride doesn't want to live a life with someone she hates with whole her heart and decides to kill herself together with Will. ''She leaned forward (they were still close to eachother) and they fell into the (calling, loving, empathic) abyss (to their death, they are now free of their tragic life)'' She kissed will also because of empathy, she wanted him to feel not only relief but also (for him unimaginable) human love while falling to his death (liberation). He fell in love. (literally falling in love)
Second way to take it is that the abyss they fell in is figurative, meaning falling in love (but i don't really think this alternative is that plausible as the two just met eachother, some people get this vibe though). He fell in love has a figurative meaning here.
''You can close your eyes now'' - you can take this as: you can close your eyes now bc are kissing and we love eachother or- you can close your eyes now because you are very tired of life (as he said before) and we're going to die now, happily.
I see neither endings as sad though. Like, what's the meaning of life if it's not worth living (like Wills life) i know... you don't know what the future brings, so don't take your life whatever happens but these two people did know what the future (near future and over a course of generations) would bring them: loneliness, manic depression and pain.