Words

It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be alright.

These words buried under my tongue like little hopefuls.

The words are always there, waiting in the wings.

It’s going to be okay.

 

I’m on a train, traveling between the station of today,

And the train stop of tomorrow.

In between meetings, clients, teaching assignments,

Grief and loneliness

I am tired and stressed.

 

Old, easy patterns of disgust in myself,

Revert back in my head in the form of racing thoughts

Of self-loathing �" ugly, fat, getting old. Words.

Words of regression, not of relief.

Simple, yet fast acting,

Like a headache pill with a timed release,

Or a ticking time bomb exploding in my head. Words.

 

I didn’t know how to deal with my grief over losing my grandmother,

With the pain of alienation from my sister,

Or the abandonment of my father,

So I try to starve the pain out.

Starving, yet regressing into self-deprecating habits,

Falling even deeper into the muddy pit.

 

I close my eyes on the train and rest.

When I open them, I see a little girl wearing glitter boots and a princess tiara.

I wonder if she has thought yet of the words, fat, ugly, gross.

It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be alright. Words.

Don’t worry in my mouth,

Words, unravelling in the back of my throat,

choking in my spit, and in my spirit.

 

Everything is going to be okay.

It’s going to be alright buried in my gums.

I think a lot about what people do to survive in the world and how easy it is to judge them for it.

And I think the little girl in the princess tiara hears me.

She lifts her head up from her mother’s lap and smiles at me.

 

It’s going to be alright. Words of healing.

Wallowing in my own suckery, my latest made up Ivette-ism,

Is something I refuse to do anymore.

 

Reviews

[wordman]

a moving write about life in general lots of emotion and pain here the name caught my eye I have one called words

[Relic]

Well written and moving. It's so easy to get down on ourselves after we've been through so much. Sometimes it takes little innocent and unexpected events to make us see the good things.