Chapter I: The Thief

“I’ll slit your throat,” said the thief, pressing the dagger against Kiya’s skin. Blood trickled down.

“Fine. Take my gold. Isn’t this a little overboard?” she said. It didn’t sound like she was nervous, more like she was annoyed.

“Really? Then hand me the gold and maybe I won’t.”

She stuck her hands into her pockets and gave him whatever little coin she had.

“Is that fair enough?” she asked him.

“Not much for a merchant’s daughter, but I’ll let you pass alive.”

He shoved her off and rode away on his horse.

“Thieving scum,” she cursed under her breath. “Father won’t be pleased.

She trudged into town in her boyish garb. Before crossing the road, a young man stopped her. It was her somewhat friend, Seto.

“Dude, don’t you know your neck’s bleeding!”

“It’s that damn bandit clan in the desert,” she said casually. “Robs my pockets dry every week.”

“Sounds like bullying.”

“They just like to see me squirm.”

“Don’t underestimate them. Bandits can kill.”

Kiya shrugged. “So how’s meditation going?”

“You mean my job?”

“Precisely.”

“Well I might get promoted soon.”

“In your dreams. You’ll never measure up to the Pharaoh’s priests.”

He glared at her. “You know I’ll only let you get away with saying so much. This is why I can’t call you my friend.”

She just laughed and ran off into the road. She knew the real reason. He was a priest and she was a commoner. They didn’t have time to be friends. He only liked her because she was a pretty tomboy with guts.

Approaching her father’s shop, she froze. There was a strange customer speaking to him. He was fully cloaked and held out the most delightful treasure.

“I don’t buy stolen treasure,” said her father angrily. “How dare you take me for one of those merchants.”

“You’ll regret this,” said the stranger, before disappearing off into the crowd.

“Who was that?” she asked Merisu, her father.

“He didn’t say,” he said. “Don’t tell me you’ve been robbed again. I gave you that coin to buy bread.”

“You know how it is. I forgot yesterday and thought I could try to sneak back in the morning.”

“No excuses. This is the last time I give you anything. Now go bribe those caravaners with this ruby.”

“Fine,” she huffed, grabbing the red, shiny crystal. She strode over and called, “Camel boys!”

“Look, it’s Kiya!” shouted Rashid and Ameer.

The elder Jalal turned around and said, “We haven’t seen you in years. Those twerps have too good a memory. What is it the old merchant wants this time?”

“No less than five hundred coin.”

“Figures, Merisu doesn’t sell cheap.”

Suddenly a big sack of coin hit the back of his head with a plop. “Twerps!” he cursed as they snickered. He picked up the sack and exchanged it for Kiya’s ruby.

“They have no respect for the elderly,” he griped, before chasing after them with his camel whip.

Kiya strode back to Merisu and said, “Give me the water jugs. I’m going to the well.” This meant afterward, she was returning home.

“Tell Kheti I’m coming home late.”

“Okay!” She took the jugs in her arms and left.

It was mid-afternoon when she made it back across the desert. The house was on the outskirts of town. She kicked the door open and set everything down. It wasn’t long before she noticed the house was empty. Her little brother was gone.

Then she saw a young man crawling out from behind the door.

“Ugh,” he said.

“Eek!” she screamed. “What have you done with my brother?”

“He’s been kidnapped by bandits.”

“Aren’t you a bandit?”

“You don’t recognize me?” he asked, getting up off the ground. “I’m your friend, Salih.”

“Salih?” She studied his smooth black hair and brown eyes. The handsome shape of his face.

Salih. She remembered him as a boy. His drunk, abusive father, and when he ran away. After so many years, she had forgotten him.

“Kiya, I haven’t forgotten you. That’s why I came to help get your brother back. Just let me explain.”

“I’m listening.”

“You’re right. I’m a bandit. I know why your brother was taken, but hear me out.

“The clan leader came by Merisu today to sell stolen treasure. He was turned away and decided to kidnap your brother as blackmail.”

Kiya’s eyes widened. “Will you help me save him?”

“Yes. Don’t worry. I have a plan.”

“What is that?”

“You report the kidnapping to the guards, and then wait for me at the barracks. I will rescue your brother tonight.”

Before Kiya could question him, he ran out into the desert.

Reviews

[fwvalidus]

I'm intrigued by your introduction and am looking forward to continuing with the story. Your imagination seems sharp. I think you could improve upon this chapter by introducing greater detail in the surroundings of the characters. The dialogue is good but I would appreciate some balance that helps me create images of the story as it proceeds. Good job

[James]

Dialogue flowed between the characters but was too top heavy with chitter chat. Where are they? What are they doing? This feels fragmented. From some of the dialogue I can get glimpses of where in the world they may be (Egypt i'd guess) but I want something richer.