The Last Time I Saw You Smile

Considering the moments of my life.

The Last Time I Saw You Smile

I drank my coffee this morning and was swept away by memories.  They come back sometimes, breaking the dams of common sense and routine.  It was a flood and I floated down a swollen river, lying on my back. I watched the events of my life as they happened on the banks.  I saw the firsts and the lasts, the good and the bad, the bitter and sweet and the in betweens.

I saw the last time I fished with my uncle.  It was a good day. The air was cool. The sun was shining between showers and the fish bit our baits.  We hunted for them and fooled them and laughed when they bit and we sunk our hooks and fought them to the surface.  We talked and appreciated each other the best way we knew how.

He tried to let me know it was his last fishing trip and a bit of me understood it was.  I didn’t want to believe it. I thought of another day and another big fish, another smile on his face.  But when he stood on the back of my boat and I held up my trophy bass, he smiled, standing there over the water with an amazing sunset behind him.  The shades of blue and white clouds, the streaks of light shining from an orange sun outlined his silver hair. It was his last sunset and my last memory of his smile.  A small voice inside me suggested that I pause and look again.

I remembered my first kiss.  Time slowed as I moved toward her.  All the possible wrongs gave way to the inevitable right.  Her lips were the softest things I had ever felt. It was like a dream as we floated above the floor and spun dizzily around the room while standing still.  I knew that I would never forget.

Firsts are like that.  You know them for what they are and they are printed on your soul.  They stay there until you fade away completely. But I don’t know, maybe you take them with you.  

Lasts are sneaky.  Most of the time you don’t see them coming.  Sometimes it takes years to realize what will never come again, what you have lost.  

Sometimes I linger in a moment, a goodbye, a hello, a smile, a handshake.  Sometimes I hug when maybe I shouldn’t. Sometimes a tear comes from nowhere, sometimes a smile.  Sometimes goodbye is just too hard for me. Sometimes I ask you to stay. Sometimes I don’t want to leave.  Sometimes I realize how unique a moment is. But if you really think about it, every moment is a last. They’re all lasts.  Each one is the last moment of your life.

Author's Note

Feel free.