War

A battle like no other...

Her fingers were red from the cold, each digit numb as they poked out of the holes in her grey gloves. In her hand sat the solid weapon in which she stole from the other side; they shouldn’t have just thrown it into the battlefield in the first place! Were they stupid?

Why, yes. They were, actually.

A triumphant smirk crossed her lips and her silver piercing glinted in the light. It was a clear sky above and the sun’s rays pooled across every inch of feathery snow. A strip of scarlet was splashed across the heart of the battlefield, not too far from where she hid. Gingerly, she poked her head around the four-foot wall she was hiding behind, taking soft, quiet breaths. If she gave herself away now, it would all be over and they would win...

The long stretch of snow was pocketed with metallic cylinders, dense logs and piles of bricks. Behind several of these were her allies. A handful of teenagers, all dressed in a variety of black jackets, ripped jeans and tartan skirts. In their raw hands they held identical warheads. One, a boy with short, bleached blonde hair, turned to her and grinned. She nodded and held up three fingers.

The countdown was beginning and boots shuffled in the snow, mischievous expressions sketched on rosy-cheeked faces.

From the other side of the battlefield, she could see them; the enemy. Their heads popped out into view. Black, beady eyes peered into the danger zone and long, meaty blue ears flapped. Their enormous sized noses sniffed and snorted, making a girl near her hiding place pull a face of disgust. “Pigs” she heard her murmur.

“Not exactly,” she snickered, “they much prefer goats milk over a greasy bucket of feed”

Then, she nodded her head and retracted a finger. Three... The teenagers rose an inch off the ground, prepared to leg it at any moment. Two... She took a tentative step out of her hiding place and the creatures from the other side could see her. Dark brown, wild hair, painted lips and an ever-lasting cheeky smile upon her face. Her apple green eyes sparkled with anticipation and she hefted her weapon up.

There was a tense pause and, finally, she counted off the last finger. A war cry tore through the air as the battalion leapt from their shelters and charged with full force to the adversary on the other side.

White bombs were hurtled, one hitting the gigantic belly of a blue-creature as he helplessly scuffled and dived behind a log �" one that didn’t hide his body at all. She ran on behind her soldiers, her personal weapon at the ready; ready to hit her ultimate enemy. The plan was that whilst they distracted the others, she would go after the King, plain and simple.

One by one the blue animals were being taken out, retaliating by merely flicking handfuls of snow at the teens. They were ten times bigger, stronger and some even had magical abilities. However, they were idiotic at the best of times and thus did not know how to fight back; though, on occasion, she had to give it to them that they definitely had brute force. They just didn’t realise this themselves.

Round a cylinder, up and over a wall, bounding across a lengthy log, she was gaining upon their territory with ease. A bomb exploded close to her, spraying white shards everywhere and she lunged behind a wall. In barely a second, the blonde boy joined her, panting heavily. “Y-Yo,” he greeted breathlessly.

She glanced back, only for a creature to hurtle their first shell at them. It shattered against the bricks that she ducked behind in the nick of time. “Hey, how many are there?” she quizzed.

The boy looked thoughtful for a moment, before risking a peek, only to retreat into safety again. “About... A lot?”

She chewed her nail. “Damn, that’s a lot!” she hissed, glaring at her shredded jeans and worn converse, “This mission is going to be more difficult than expected”

At this, the boy’s lips twitched. “Fear not, Captain ‘bee, I shall sacrifice myself to the enemies fire whilst you sneak round and take out the King” he declared with immense bravery.

She sent him a look. “Is this the part where I say “don’t do it, you madman!?”?”

He nodded. “Why yes, it indeed is”

“Well you can forget it,” she cheered, pushing his shoulder and encouraging him on, “Now you go on... Oh yes, we’ll send your family flowers and the lark if you so wish it. It’s lilies your mother likes isn’t it?”

“No,” he remarked flatly, “she’s allergic”

“A bunch of lovely, fresh lilies it is then! And a letter of congratulations on her new baby boy who’ll be taking your place!” she scribbled this down on an imaginary notepad.

The blonde boy then gawked. “What baby!?”

“On you go soldier!” she yelled with a firm, authoritive shove. He stumbled out onto the battlefield, only stopping a second to send her a playful scowl. Under his breath, she could hear him murmur her name; “Bob-bee”

With that, he was gone. He raced into the open, near the scarlet line dividing the two sides, which up close was nothing more than a knitted scarf. Waving his arms in the air, he made himself vulnerable to enemy fire, a few of his fellow teens following suit.

Bob-bee gave him a mock salute, thoughtlessly with her left hand, and crept from behind the wall. She was bent down low, very near to crawling across the ground, bomb still in her deadened hand. Not one of the blue beings had spotted her, having been far too focused throwing their explosives at the game as they came into view. Soon, she came onto their side.

Not too far from her came a deep grunt and a blue face whipped around to her. She gasped, believing that this was the end as it shot its three fingered hand forward. Suddenly, a cry sounded through the air and the blonde boy leapt out before her, dramatically taking the blow. He fell back into her, landing in her arms and moaning in agony as he held onto his gut. “I... I saved you, Captain, thank goodness”

Bob-bee arched a brow, momentarily placing her weapon aside. She then took his head in two hands. He smiled warmly, nuzzling into her palms. Then, she dropped his skull onto the ground, took her bomb and ran off again. “Hey!” the boy yelled, “At least let me give my speech of honour!”

She ignored him and ploughed on, ducking and diving at certain intervals to avoid enemy fire. There was a foul, rotten stench in the air. She pulled her black hood over her head and wrapped her mauve scarf over her nose. Bit by bit, she crawled across the snow, using her elbows to haul her along as her legs trundled through the snow. In no time at all, she’d passed the front line and had successfully made it to the back, where he, the King, was sitting idly by, watching as more and more of his men were taken out.

He was tall and bony unlike the rest of them, with a long face and sunken in cheeks. His eyes were yellowed and crusty, his long nose trailing clear snort onto his chapped, dark lips. A variety of rags and brittle vegetation hung off his lanky frame, a single gold ring adorning a needle-like finger. His leg was crossed over his knee and lips pulled back into a snarl. A stubby servant bowed down to him, offering him a plastic bottle, the label of which reading a strange language that was foreign to them; it said, “Vimto”  

Carefully, he removed the cap and sniffed with his snotty nose. It was a fruity cocktail and smelt nothing like the goat’s milk he had been so used to indulging himself with. Some human had told him this mystical drink “Vimto” was delicious. And so, he would try it whilst waiting to discover the outcome of this war. Little did he realise that his arch nemesis, Captain Bob-bee Tearaway, was nearing his icy throne.

One of the guards standing at the side of the King growled, quickly turning his head in Bob-bee’s direction. She swiftly rolled into the shadows of a cylinder. For a while, he stared at the spot she once lay, burped and then watched the battlefield up ahead of them once again.

Skilfully, she edged around the back of the throne on her belly, ignoring the biting pain of the cold. Then, she could see it! The greasy back of his head, decorated with random patches of oily, jet black hair. He laughed suddenly, clapping his hands and stamping his foot. Another one of Bob-bee’s troops had been taken out. She sneered. “So, King, you think you’ve won...” Slowly, she rose to her feet, her offensive hand pulled back. “Oi! King of the Goats Dairy Farm!” she exclaimed.

“What!?” the blue faced lord snarled, spinning around in his sculptured throne to face her.

“This is what happens when you declare war with me!” she howled and sent the bomb hurtling. The King cried out and attempted to shield his face, but it was far too late. It shattered as it crashed right into his ugly mug, sending it sideways and forcing purple, Vimto flavoured saliva out from his gob. He then went down from his throne, cowering on the ground with his guards, who were as afraid of the Captain as he was.

Her foot slammed down onto the block of ice as she stood upon the King’s throne, hands in the air. “Soldiers!” she yelled with a grin. All the teenagers, both hiding and fallen, looked at her with massive beams and stood to attention. Bob-bee placed her fists against her hips and made her announcement. “I declare this land ours!”

A cheer boomed through the crowd and the blue creatures grumbled, pouting their fat lips and crossing their arms over their chests. The King scrambled to his feet and, with a smile, bowed down graciously to the new ruler of the land; Captain Bob-bee Tearaway.

“Now!” she bellowed, pausing to chuckle deviously, “Let us celebrate... Fizzy pop all around, since none of us can afford anything else!”

Another cheer echoed through the crowd. The rest of the day then flew by. They danced around the land, constructing men made out of snow and having the blue creatures serve them more drinks to make them even more hyperactive. The King was waiting on newly appointed Master Bob-bee Tearaway the entire time, miserable for having never fully tasting that mysterious drink.

 

That morning, Bob-bee woke with a start as her mother crept into her room and her high-pitched alarm clock sounded at once. Her covers were thrown off her and the top of her long, baggy blue nightshirt had ridden down her shoulder. Groaning, she rubbed her makeup covered eyes, smudging it and making herself appear even more terrifying than before after waking from a deep slumber.

Bob-bee’s mother gasped at the state she was in, covered in various bruises and coughing vigorously. “Honey, have you caught a cold again? What happened to you yesterday?”

Bob-bee sniffled. “Mmmm? I... I think I had a snowball fight with Trolls again”

Bob-bee’s mother sighed and exited the room. “I’ll get you some medicine, you stay in bed, and I’ll ring the school for you”

The teenage girl groaned, glanced at her clock and then flopped back into her pillow. Just another day in the abnormal life of an equally as strange girl; known as Bob-bee Tearaway.

            

Reviews

[Weaver]

"the solid weapon in which she stole" - Do you mean "which she stole"?
"they shouldn’t have just thrown it..." - I think this would work better as a separate sentence.
"Why, yes. They were, actually." - nice touch of humor
comma after "crossed her lips"
comma after "clear sky above"
"boy with short, bleached blonde hair" - "blond" is the masculine/gender-neutral spelling
comma after "countdown was beginning"
colon, not semicolon, after "she could see them"
"long, meaty blue ears" - Aha! first clue that the enemy isn't human
"Their enormous sized noses" - delete "sized" ("enormous" refers to size anlready)
" “Pigs” she heard her murmur" - comma after "Pigs"
period (full stop), not comma, after "she snickered"
" goats milk" - "goat's milk"
"Then, she nodded" - no comma
comma after "her hiding place"
maybe a colon instead of a period after "could see her" since what follows describes what the creatures see
"apple green eyes" - "apple-green"
comma after "anticipation"
"a blue-creature" - no hyphen
comma after "One by one"
comma after "white shards everywhere"
no comma after "thoughtful for a moment"
"worn converse" - period, not comma, after ("converse"? the only thing I can think of in this context is a brand of shoe, in which case it should be capitalized)
period after "more difficult than expected"
"enemies fire" - "enemy's fire"
comma after "take out the King"
period after "Why yes, it indeed is"
"Well you can forget" - comma after "Well"
comma after "lilies your mother likes"
period after "she's allergic"
comma after "lilies it is"
"she scribbled this" - "She"
comma after "On you go"
colon, not semicolon, after "murmur her name"
no comma after "mock salute"
no comma after "her left hand"
comma after "deep grunt"
"its three fingered hand" - "three-fingered"
no comma after "Suddenly"
comma after "through the air"
period (or exclamation point) after "thank goodness"
"Then, she dropped" - no comma
either period after "the boy yelled" or don't capitalize "at least"
comma after "tall and bony"
"sunken in cheeks" - "sunken-in"
"nose trailing clear snort"- do you mean "snot"?
"it said, “Vimto” " - no comma
"And so, he would" - no comma
"at the spot she once lay" - "where she once lay"
"the blue faced lord" - "blue-faced"
"Vimto flavoured saliva" - "Vimto-flavoured"
comma after "through the crowd"
colon, not semicolon, after "ruler of the land"
period, not comma, after "deviously" (or don't capitalize "Let")
comma after "into her room"
comma after "thrown off her"
"makeup covered eyes" - "makeup-covered"
period after "with Trolls again"
period or semicolon, not comma, after "some medicine"
period after "school for you"
comma, not semicolon, after "strange girl"

Huzzah! A story that is INTERESTING. So few of those here on WritersCafe... I like the last scene and the way Bob-bee's mother takes the report of "fighting with Trolls again" so calmly. Either Mom is just assuming that Bob-bee has lots of strange dreams, or she knows it was real and it is a part of normal life for her that her daughter fights Trolls sometimes...

[OT]

very nice!!! you keep us intrigued throughout the whole story!!! well written a few grammatical things pointed out below in-depth! but the story is what matters and it's solid and intriguing!!! a great read from a great writer!!

[KAREN]

I really enjoyed this story! I couldn't stop reading, I thought you did a excellent job! It held my intrest, that's the important thing is if your readers don't get bored, and I DIDN"T!!

[A.E. Reed]

Woah. First off that took a while to read. It was worth it though... am I supposed to have a second one since I said first off? Well I'll just say that that was awesome! XD

[Cynthia]

OK, it took me some time to read it, but it totally worths!
This story is AMAZING, INTERESTING!!!!!
I think the ending is pretty attractive, I am sure I will continue this book as soon as possible!

[jazmin]

it took me some time to read it but it was worth it:)

[Escape My Fate]

Amazing. I was hooked onto every word :) Keep it up

[+Naomi+]

I love it!! It's funny and cool. You're pretty good, I think you should write more.

[Aly Jones]

Ha! I loved what she told that blonde-haired boy:


“Now you go on... Oh yes, we’ll send your family flowers and the lark if you so wish it. It’s lilies your mother likes isn’t it?”
“No,” he remarked flatly, “she’s allergic”
“A bunch of lovely, fresh lilies it is then! And a letter of congratulations on her new baby boy who’ll be taking your place!” she scribbled this down on an imaginary notepad.
The blonde boy then gawked. “What baby!?”
“On you go soldier!” she yelled with a firm, authoritive shove. He stumbled out onto the battlefield, only stopping a second to send her a playful scowl.



Lovely! Hilarious! I'm eager for more!
Have you considered publishing this? Because I am fairly sure that this would sell by the millions. And this is only the first chapter.

[Hush Hush]

is this the first chapter?