1. Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

It's been a while since I have talked with you, sorry about that. Life has been a little busy, lately. I got a job at the library. It doesn't pay much, but I get weekends off, in case, I don't know, maybe you want to come visit me. We can go get ice-cream from my favorite place down by the beach...

We won our final game a couple of weeks back, so that makes us the official Soccer champions of 2012. Woo! I wanted to call you and tell you about it as soon as we found out, and maybe you would have been proud of me. Do you even like football?  

School is out for the summer and I’m so excited. Mum and Scott are planning a camping trip for the three of us over the New Year. I don’t know how Mum plans to do anything when she’s going to be the size of a house! Oops, I hadn't told you yet, had I. I’m going to be a big sister!

Well, today is my sixteenth birthday, as you well know I'm sure. It is supposedly one of the biggest birthdays that I will have. But I don't know. Maybe when I'm sixty and still climbing mountains, then that will be something to celebrate. Haha. Maybe we can climb together. Don't worry, I'll help you.  

Mum is 'out of her mind' excited about tonight. Maybe I am just a little too…We’re going out to dinner to this small Italian restaurant, that serves the most amazing pasta that I have ever had. It’s the one night a year that we all get to dress up nicely. Scott bought me this pretty black dress with a heart cut out of the back for my birthday. Not that I like to boast, but I think the dress looks absolutely stunning on me. This is probably the time when you would be yelling at me to get upstairs and cover up, and I would yell back and eventually one of us would cry (probably you) and then we’d all go out to dinner like the happy family we were. 

I just realized I don’t even know when your birthday is. I don’t know anything. Why is that? Why won’t Mum tell me? She tells me things you know, things that are supposed to convince me that you’re not worth my time. She makes up excuses for you too when you don’t show each year. But I don’t believe them…I don’t want to. I can’t.

I miss you Dad. I wish sometimes that I had an Army Dad, or maybe a Dad who left Mum when I was eight and now only visited on weekends, just so I had a Dad to actually miss. A reason to miss you. Do you even know that I am here? That I exist? 

When I blow out my candles tonight know that I'll be wishing for you. Maybe you'll even be standing on the doorstep when we get home. You'll be smiling the signature smile of a Dad who has never been happier, or more proud, of his little girl. You know that smile? Of course you do. Every Dad does. You’ll say how much you love me, as will I, and then, maybe we will dance together in the street like they do at weddings. Haha. Just joking.

Only I'm not.

Not really...

With a sigh Lily stared at the unsettled letter before her. There were strikes, scribbles and smudges placed randomly across the dirty page, while salty stains were causing the page to tear around the edges.

This letter, a pitiful reflection of her pain and longing, clawed at the ancient wounds inflicted on her heart.  This happened every time. When she invested hope in him he let her down. Always without the smallest evidence that he even existed. 

Why can’t I just believe it? He had been given many opportunities and chances to reveal himself. Every time it ended the same. Every time her mother had to clean up the mess that was left in her life. He did not deserve her time or her love, and yet…

Suddenly filled with anger at the thought, she balled up the letter and hurled it across the room.

Catching a glance of the person in the mirror watching her, she cringed. Red, swollen eyes stared back at her, cheeks stained with black. The girl in the mirror looked fragile, her skin paler than usual.  

Aware that she would soon be leaving for dinner, Lily groaned and retrieved her make-up bag from the drawer. 

Lily began to wipe the mess away when a light knock on the door alerted her to company.

Ellie’s head appeared in the doorway.

“Lily, it’s time to-” Ellie stopped when she saw the pain etched on her daughters face. Despite her strongest efforts, Lily could no longer hold in the sobs that fought to be set free.

“Why doesn't he love me?” she asked, her heart crumbling.

 “Oh honey,” Ellie whispered, taking her daughters hands and pulling her into her arms. The two of them sat down on the edge of the bed. Wiping the tears from her daughter’s cheeks, Ellie pulled Lily onto her lap.

Lily curled into her resting her head on her Mother's chest, shaking silently with broken sobs, as Ellie, gently, stroked her hair. 

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It'll only hurt you more.” Ellie pressed a kiss to Lily’s temple and squeezed her tightly in a hug.  

“Come on. Let’s go and stuff ourselves full of pizza and pasta.” 

“Okay,” Lily said with a twitch of a smile.

Reigning in her disappointment Lily hugged her mother.

"I love you, Mum."

"I love you more." Ellie enveloped Lily in another hug, this one much tighter, holding her in place, as though she would leave never to return. 

 

Author's Note

This is my first draft of this, and I am aware that it is in need of much editing. Any grammar errors you notice, please point them out. Any suggestions on how to improve this, please tell me. What do you like? What don't you like?

Reviews

[Grant P.]

Very interesting story about a daughter missing the father figure in her life. Where she wishes she could meet her father. I thought this was well written. I'm not the greatest at grammar, so I might have missed some spots. The only question I had was why the mother brushes away the subject when her daughter brought up her father. I dunno if you'll be explaining it later, but it's good that you got me curious. Keep up the good work.