Breakfasts with Andy

Today is Andy’s 40th birthday. Kay and I have something special planned for him. I am driving to his home to pick him up. He is waiting at the door when I arrive. He hustles over to the car, jumps in. We drive away. Andy is charged up for his birthday party. Here come the questions:

“It’s my birthday today isn’t it Dad?”
“Yes it is Andy. Happy birthday. I should say Happy 40th birthday. It’s hard to believe that you are 40 years old.”
“Yeah, you’re too young to be my father, right?”
“I am. You remember everything I say, don’t you? Have you had a good day?”
“Oh yes I did!” They had a cake for me out at the college.”
“Wow! They really treat you well out there. You really have a good job. Did you have to work hard or did they take it easy on you today?”
“I worked hard. I always work hard. I’m a good worker aren’t I Dad?”
“You are buddy.”
We head for the Blue Moon ballroom. Andy doesn’t know it, but Kay and I have arranged a surprise birthday party for him. It’s my job to get him to the party under some false pretense. We want this party to be something that Andrew will remember.

“Are we going out to eat for my birthday?”
”No. Beth wanted to have the party at her house. Mom is going to bring the birthday cake. You get birthday cake twice today! You will have to do some extra workout at the gym this week.”
“No problem Dad. Eric, Chipper and I go to the athletic club tomorrow night. Who is going to be at my party?”
“Mom and Dad, your sister Beth, Mark, Wyatt And Tori and your brother Joe will be there. And, of course, Bella will be there.
“Bella is a good dog, isn’t she, Dad? She likes to lick my face, doesn’t she? Where is Mom?
“I don’t know for sure. She is bringing the birthday cake.”
”Will Wyatt and Tori be at the party?”
“Didn’t I just say that Wyatt and Tori will be at the party. Are you listening? You know that your nephew and your niece wouldn’t miss your birthday party.”
“Dad, We’re going the wrong way. Beth’s house is over there. You should’ve turned at that corner, Dad. Put your blinker on Dad”
“Stay calm Andy. I know what I’m doing.”
“We are lost aren’t we? Let’s listen to that lady. She’ll tell us where to go.”
“You mean Brenda?” (The name we have chosen for our GPS lady)
“Yeah. I like her. She knows where to go. She’s very helpful right?”
“Yes, Brenda is very helpful. But your Dad is not lost. Give me a break!”
“Mom doesn’t like Brenda does she? Mom doesn’t get lost does she Dad?
“Not very often. I think you’re the reason I get lost. You talk all the time, ask a dozen questions, then I get distracted. Anyway, you and I do need Brenda, but we are not lost! You don’t believe me do you?”
“Nope. We’re lost. We’re going the wrong way.”
“No were not! Quit saying that. I I just need to make one stop before we go to the party.”
“Do you need to put gas in the car at KwikTrip Dad? I want to get a pop. Can I get a Root Beer Dad?”
“No, I’m not stopping at KwikTrip.

We arrive at the Blue Moon ballroom. I park the car.
Andy has a quizzical look on his face. He looks around. I think he’s looking for his mom. He starts to panic.
”Dad, Why are we stopping here? What is the name of this place? We should be at Beth’s house.”
I open the car door, “Can I come in with you Dad?”
“Sure. You can come in with me.”

We walk in the door and see Beth and Mark waiting for us along with over 100 other people that are here to wish Andy a happy birthday.
Mark greets him. “Happy Birthday Bro!” Beth and Joe give him a “Happy Birthday” and a hug. Andy is staring left then right across the ballroom. His mouth is open. He looks at me with a quizzical face. He is speechless. Andrew is never speechless. NEVER! This is perfect!

His five foot frame slouches a bit displaying his male pattern baldness. His mouth stays wide open. His T-Shirt is not tucked in. He looks a little bedraggled. He keeps looking across the entire ballroom. Then he sees mom. That calms him down a bit. With a big smile, Kay hugs him. ”Happy 40th Birthday!” she says. Look at all the people that came to your birthday party. You have a lot of friends!”
Andy is still confused. “Mom, Aren’t we going to Beth’s for my birthday party?”
“This is your party right here, Andrew. We surprised you didn’t we? See the cake on the table over there. I’ll cut that up a little bit later and we will all have a piece of your birthday cake”

The surprise is over. Andy’s not bewildered anymore. He becomes very comfortable. This is his party and he knows what to do at parties. He gets a big smile on his face and he starts to jump up and down and rub his hands together continuously. He is scratching his head just above his ear. His eyes are looking down – no eye contact with anyone. We call this “The Hop”. We’ve seen The Hop for years. It is his signature move when he is excited.

Jessica walks up and gives Andy a hug and a loud “Happy Birthday” Jessica is a longtime friend from our church.
“Jessica! You came to my party! Look, Dad, Jessica is here. She came to my party!” Andy continues The Hop while talking to Jessica.
Sonya, a staff member from Andy’s first group home, is next in line. When Andy sees Sonja, he lights up again. The Hop gets faster. He is rubbing his head more. Andy’s smile is huge. So is Sonja’s. These two are good friends! “Dad, look! Sonja is here. Can you believe it?”
Sonja greets Andy. She puts her hands on each side of his neck and looks him right in the eyes and says “Hello Andy. It is so good to see you. I’ve missed you. Happy birthday!”

“Sonja! How have you been Sonja? Thanks for coming to my party! “

“I am doing just fine. Andy! Thanks for inviting me to your party.”

Many others stop by to say happy birthday to Andy: Special Education teachers; current and past Group home staff; Job coaches from Ability Building Center; a city bus driver; co-workers from the community college; City Park and Recreation staff; Arc staff; former classmates; roommates from his home; his cousin Kathy and her husband Bill and their two girls: Tara Lynn and Ashley Ann; other friends. Andy Burns a lot of calories doing “the hop”.

The mayor of Rochester is not here. I should have invited him. He probably would have joined us. I’ve asked my son-in-law Mark to emcee. Mark and Andy are kindred spirits. Mark understands what makes Andy tick, they have a real connection. Mark knows that Andy loves to talk. This is his party. So Mark gives the microphone to Andy. This was not the plan. I’m nervous. Andy is a dangerous man with a microphone. Andy grabs the microphone and smiles even more broadly. His face is beaming! The room quiets down a bit. Everyone is waiting to hear what Andy has to say.

Andy speaks loudly. “Thank you all for coming to my birthday party! I really appreciate it. Come closer! Come closer!” The crowd moves closer to Andy. He shouts out “OK, let’s sing”. Andy leads us all in song. “Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear Andy, Happy Birthday to me”. He sings right into the microphone at close range. It is loud! The crowd joins in and the place starts to behave like a ballroom.
Soon the singing is over, but Andy is still hanging on to the microphone. (He loves the microphone). “Thanks everybody for coming to my birthday party. Mom’s cutting the cake right now. Come on up everybody, come on up and have a piece of my birthday cake.”
Andy pauses for a second and says: “And now we will have Joe lead us in a word of prayer!””

Joe hasn’t been leading anybody in a word of prayer lately. Kay and I smile. She turns to me, chuckles and says: “He’s done it again.” We have seen this before. This is vintage Andrew. He puts you on the spot. He makes public some information that you would prefer be kept private. He helps people get to know “the real you.”

Joe says nothing. He looks at me from a distance; winces, shrugs his shoulders and raises his eyebrows as if to also say “he has done it again”. Joe continues to talk to a couple of the guests and just pretends that he didn’t hear Andy’s request.

Kay and I cut and serve the cake to the guests. We eat and visit. It is noisy. Everyone in the crowd knows Andy so it is very easy to make conversation. Kay and I are enjoying conversations with some friends we have not seen in years.

Later, the music starts to play.’ Andy grabs the microphone: “Okay everybody. Come on up and dance the Hokey Pokey.” Andy is an experienced Hokey Pokey participant. He starts dancing. He doesn’t need a partner, but tonight Tara Lynn wants the first dance. Many in the crowd join in. People who haven’t danced in years are moving and shaking! The party is a great success!

Kay and I are enjoying conversations with some friends we have not seen in years. Many in the room share a common experience: We have worked for The Arc. Ann Ferguson was the first Executive Director of this organization. She persuaded many of the people in the room to join her in advocating for the rights of people with developmental disabilities. She had such a cheerful tone with a Carolina drawl. She could charm your socks off. She could make you feel very important. AND, she could get volunteers to work very hard for her causes.
The dancing continues for some time. When people start to leave, Andy is very gracious with each person, thanking them profusely for attending his party. This party might lead you to believe that Andy has a great life in Rochester Minnesota. You would be right.