The Ninth Day of January

"The Ninth Day of January"

 

A house stood on a beach. A man paced. There was a knock upon the door--a faint knock, nothing to concern oneself over--or so one could believe.

 

I [the man] opened the door, with an ignorance of not knowing who, or it, for that matter was.

A man was revealed, revealed by the now opened door. He was tall thin, some could say handsome, he had slicked back hair, he wore a suit of pinstripes. He spoke:

“They will come.”

He then lay dead, with blood running down his pinstriped suit, with his hair in disarray, with his handsome face gone, as he melted. He melted into the path leading from my house, when I spotted it--the car. It had tinted windows; it was white; it was rumbling--yet another man walked from it, he held something within his hand. He grabbed me--he drove what appeared to be a needle into my hand--I tried to scream--I failed"he began to sew, sew my mouth, or so it appeared. I collapsed.

 

A group of men could be see. Two bodies lay, one dead, another living. The living body was then dragged from the sight, dragged while it thrashed around into the car of white. The car drove; it drove as fast as the bullet who killed the pinstriped man down the thin narrow road, which began to melt, melt behind the moving car.

 

A woman sat beside me; she wore all white, she spoke:

“Welcome Ace.”

The car turned, I felt it sway to the right side.

“To the ninth day of January--my name is Miss Psychosis, but you can call me Miss P.”

 

The car continued into a large building, a grand vast structure; it stopped. Countless bodies were seen; countless bodies were loaded onto conveyor belts, in the dim lit room, where several other white cars stopped; and in that moment, countless bodies were ground, ground into a thick sludge, that was spoon fed into me, as I watched it unfold, unfold on the ninth day of January.

 

Author's Note

A short story thrown together in an hour or so, like the events that its based on.

Part of my upcoming novella "Twenty-Seventeen"

Reviews

[Trec]

This is a great piece of work; the imagery created helps induce shock and terror to anyone reading it. The only thing I am not sure about is its register: make sure writing subtly flows. And even if this is not your intention, dramatic changes can still be presented subtly. To do this always think of the connotations that certain words have and use the connotations and use words with similar ones to allow a nice flow and use words with completely different connotations when you want a sudden shift. I apologize if I seem negative in any way. I am certainly not intending that. This is a great piece of work.

[Cresherthewriter]

I may have very little experience as a critic of writing, as opposed to movie-making and songwriting, but I do find this writing to be rather disagreeable with my tastes. It seems to me that hopeless violence and gore is substituting for plot and character development. In essence, I have to agree with my friend Aoasos (I am not going to reveal his actual name), who showed me something else by this writer during work. I have to say: I agree with him, this style of writing is simply not for me.

[apennylate]

Holy smokes... This took a turn for the horrific at the end... Ground up and sludged up... Ate up like a doll on strings... Remind me to avoid ninth days of ANY month...

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

Nice your writing so beautiful...

[Suhd]

Good work. Filled with mystery.

[SweetNutmeg]

Once again, I have complaints about how fast and loose you play with grammar rules. I think your work would be far more appealing and readable to your audience if you followed some of the basic rules of punctuation and sentence structure.

And once again, I commend you on the content of this chapter. It reminds me of Chief Bromden as written in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. And I gotta say, I love me an unreliable narrator. I will definitely read on when you begin posting this novella. Although I do hope you continue with Puppets and the Puppet Master.

[Ace St. Jean]

Thank you very much. And yes Puppets and the Puppet Master will be completed, after all it's almost done (on paper).

[Hebe]

Hi Ace.... i have to say, i have read horror ..... but this is above and beyond amything i have ever read before... it has a bone chilling imagery that left me speechless. I rhink you have a great story here!

[Ace St. Jean]

Thank you so much! This was thrown together in an hour or so, I never expected it to so great. That being said, you should read Puppets and the Puppet Master if you enjoy the imagery.