The Longest Goodbye

I was finally able to write this piece after living through 7 years of guilt.

You sat there watching me

As I rushed around the house

Tossing things into boxes

With a look on your face...

"uh oh... mom's being silly again"

A quick phone call or two

None being the right one

No "don't do it - don't go - you'll be sorry"

 

Would it have mattered?

Would I have listened by then?

 

You watched the car pull up

A man takes the boxes

Frozen tears fall from the sky

Blending with my own.

I bend down to hug and kiss you

"Be a good girl - Mommy loves you"

And the car takes me away.

 

How long did you sit

Watching out the window

For my return

Before you realized

I wasn't coming back?

What went through your mind?

 

But... I did come back after 4 months

Only for awhile.

Seeing you realize

It was me.

Bending down so you could smother me

With kisses all over my face.

Funny how, out of everyone

You were the happiest to see me.

 

Then I was gone again.

But I did come back...

And you were gone.

Never again would I see you

Except in my dreams.

 

I'm sorry.

 

 

Author's Note

As if it wasn't hard enough writing this in Aug '07... it was almost as hard re-typing it now... amazing how the tears can flow.

Reviews

[Fantasyfairy]

I have been bought to tears! If you knew me, then you would know that isn't something that happens often. Such a beautiful poem. I thought at first it was about a child, then I got to the end and discovered it was a baby still, just not a human one. Animals are the hardest to leave behind because there is no way of ever explaining why you have to leave them, and that you will not be back for a while. Such a shame you had to lose her completely. They love with such devotion, unconditional love, and they never lie or pretend to like you when they don't. XX

[Anima Inspired]

So sad...wow...this actually brought me to tears. The picture at the end is worth a thousand words...though your words are worth a thousand more pictures. Delicately written; the saddness is not overshadowed by the power and strength of the words. Beautiful...

[Legion]

Wonderfully done. My dog is like that and a German Shepard. I live apart from her and my wife for 5 days of the week. I have a new job in a different town 2 1/2 hours away. When I get home on my weekends, she goes nuts and is all over me and wants to go play ball (our favorite pasttime). Think she is more excited than my wife actually is. :) Of course, on the down side, when the weekend is up and she sees me loading my suitcase in the car, she becomes all mopey and down again. I hate leaving, but until something better comes along I (and they) will just have to endure the best we can. It is a good write and I, too, thought it was about a child as well until further into the piece. Great way to mislead a crowd and then punch 'em in the gut when they aren't looking. :)

[Windy]

"Frozen tears fall from the sky, blending with my own" Wow, a very meaningful, picturesque line. I liked the flow and again, you paint such pictures they can be seen in the minds eye so very clearly. Just a quetion, is the dog a German Sheppard? I have one her name is Tessa, she is my "fifth child" and we love her dearly. Good write. ;)

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I came to read this again.. this is one of those poems that sticks in your head.. animals and children, my weaknesses .. this is touching so expressive, makes me sad ... i lost my dog of 14 years! three years ago.. i dream of her and miss her .. she was my sissy .. loved your poem and sorry for your loss... peace!

xoxo

[Dorchadas]

Heartwrenchingly beautiful, emotional and sad.
Guilt is the hardest of all emotions to overcome and the one that is often most misplaced.
Very honest and heartfelt... beautiful words, beautiful work.

[DrumMajorPod]

Awwww... man, that sent chills down my back. It is a poem of everlasting love.. I particularly loved the line "Frozen tears fall from the sky." The poem left me feeling almost guilty.. and it made me feel like I was yearning for something, but I am not sure for what..

Excellently, masterfully written.

[Gary H]

This has so many different ways to approach the poem. There's a lot of sadness here in leaving and never seeing something/someone again that once brought so much joy and happiness. Also theres the view from the other side of the coin, the one left behind - I think this poem takes a lot of angles in of love and loss, maybe not realising how much something meant to you before leaving. There's the underlying knowledge here that life move on and that our emotions are always going to be tested often with feelings of guilt and tears - this being a very important part of the poems content.

Very enjoyable.

[Gaiamethod]

Yep, I know this one. Had to leave my beautiful staffy behind in Ireland when my brother played horrible games and forced me to leave. Heartbreaking. I miss her terribly. Funny how dogs treat you better than family! Big lessons all around.
Great poem.

[PianoandPage]

thank you for sharing such a deeply personal piece.

this really makes me wonder what the story and the reasons are. you give us a glimpse... the heart tearing parting that life often demands of us.

"Frozen tears fall from the sky
Blending with my own." - i like how this indicates the painful type of crying... the feeling of boulders squeezing out of your eyes.

great emotional write. i'm sorry that you had to face such heartbreak.

[Helen Woodward]

"sob" I'm guessing it was the dog left behind? Or are you using th dog abandonment as a parallel/metaphor? If it was you I'm so sorry, but equally sorry for all who are abandoned.
Nicely done except for clarity?
Cheers,
Helen :-)