A Deidara Love Story, Love, Pain, and Truth (chapter 2)

This is a story about a girl named Arisa that falls in love with Deidara but both of them face troubles durning it. This is the first story I wrote so please comment and rate. The other chapters will becoming shortly so read to find what happens next. Cre

 

 

    Escape?

  Here is the second chapter of my story, please read it, to see what happens next go to the next chapter, enjoy!

Meagan

 

 

It was very dark in the wall, so Arisa had to feel her way through. There were nails and loosed pieces of wood in the wall which made it more difficult to get through. She kept he eyes open even though it was pointless. She looked back seeing that the hole in the wall she made was getting smaller and smaller. The light was dimmer. Arisa could feel her heart in her throat because she was scared she was going to get caught by the blonde haired man, Deidara. She continued to crawl through the wall, it seemed like forever in till she reached the wall leading outside. She felt the hard wall, and starting kicking it loose. The drywall shifted and fell down over her legs and clothes. She kicked harder in till a small crack began to form.

Damn, this is hard. Arisa said out loud.

She kicked even harder now and another crack, larger now formed on the wall. The two cracks emerged and broke off a piece of the wall. It was very small not nearly big enough for her to fit through. She stuck her bleeding hand through the hole and tried to break some off by the outside. It failed, Arisa slipped her hand back and started kicking furiously.

I got to get out of this goddamn place! Arisa screamed.

More large cracks formed on the wall and a huge chunk eventually fell off, big enough for her to slide through. Her hand was cut deeper now and more blood dripped down.  She rubbed her fingers on her pants and climbed through the rigid hole. Arisa plopped down on the brownish-tan dirt. She took a big breath of fresh air. It smelled a lot better than outside. She ripped part of her shirt off and wrapped it around her hand to keep the blood contained.

Arisa looked around the sky which was a dark gray, which meant that there was a storm coming. A mild breeze blew and had the scent of rain in it, which always smelled good. The thick lush trees blew around with a soft rattling noise. Arisa smiled, knowing that she was free from that place.

Arisa took one last deep breath and started running as fast as she could from that place. She ran until she couldn’t see the building anymore and decided to walk to a different village where she would be safe. She was still trying to catch her breath but she was fine besides the cuts and scrapes on her arms and legs and her bleeding fingers.

She was whispering to herself when a she heard a deep loud roll of thunder. It made her jump at first, and then lightning struck into blue and yellow zigzag patterns. Arisa was fine, she was used to storms. She continued to walk, the sun was still up but could not be seen.  Thick trees where on both sides of her and occasional sprigs of green grass. She continued to walk. A sound like crunching gravel was behind her. A dark figure started walking up right behind her, she turned around quickly. No one was there. She continued to walk, and the black figure walked up closer to her this time grabbing her strait black hair. Arisa screamed in pain as she flew backwards and landing on her back.

I’ve been following you for hours, un. Deidara started.

I had to get you back, did you really think I would let you go, un? Deidara said

Arisa moaned in pain. She kept her eyes closed and opened them just hoping it was a dream, it wasn’t. She was breathing heavy, tears started rolling down her face.

Stop crying like a f*****g baby, un. Deidara replied to her action.

Let’s go, I need to bring you back to the clan, un. Deidara finished.

He stood up and grabbed Arisa by her hair forcing her to stand up. She moaned quietly as she struggled to stand up. Deidara tied and thick rope around Arisa’s hands so she couldn’t escape again. They walked in silence the whole time, the only sound was Arisa whimpering and the thunder roaring.  By the time they got back it was nearly midnight. Deidara went into another room, made of metal. He threw Arisa into the cold metal room and untied her hands.

You can spend some time suffering in here, un. Deidara said.

Then he closed the door, Arisa could hear him walk away. She walked over to the farthest corner and started crying. The room was cold, and since everything was metal, it was even colder. Same as the other room it was empty just a metal door, no windows, no nothing. Arisa thought of her parents, probley how they are worried about where she is. Her face grew very cold and she started shivering. She thought the room was growing colder, but it was probley her imagination. She started getting tired but didn’t want to sleep. So she stayed up all night long and cried.

To Be Continued…

Thank you for reading,

 Please continue reading to find out what happens to Arisa on the next chapter. Don’t forget to comment or review, whatever it is.

P.S. I tried to make this one longer than the first one.

Reviews

[Jordan]

Yeah, when you have some one talking you dont use the " marks so it is hard to understand. But this is really good. You are really good at describing things, i felt like i was really there with her. Nice!

~Jordan

[Rainbow Rider]

Much better Meagan, but now for some more bad news, lol. When you write people talking, it really helps to put the words inside the " " marks so the reader knows when it is spoken words compared to narration words. Right now one has to stop and re-read lines once it is found to be spoken not narrated. This tends to hamper the flow of your story, as the reader loses track of what is happening to figure out when what we read is narrative or spoken. I like what you have written here, but without the " " it makes it hard to keep a good flow going while reading. The story has a powerful draw for the reader. But it would be nice to have the " ".