Sweet Carnations

This is simply a tribute to my dad who passed away last month.

Dear Papa,

It’s almost been a month since you passed away

And the last time I saw you alive and talked to you was exactly 1 month ago today

I’m still lost for words, I don’t know exactly what to say

I still have moments I’m taken back to that sad day.

 

You see, the morning you died I was supposed to come and visit you

Say my last goodbye and just somehow get it all through

But of course, this coming, none of us knew

I have times where I feel numb and blue.

 

I don’t know if I should allow myself, lost times to regret

I am so conflicted about that papa, and upset

Daddy, the times I did spend with you I will never forget

But fate, as it turned out, I must accept.

 

Was I right in the choices I made?

I do wonder what would happen if you and mom stayed

If only the love between you both didn’t fade

And hate didn’t slice our family with its blade.

 

I spent 14 years thinking that this is what my life now must be

My whole journey seeking, wanting, desiring to be free

To the beat of my own drum I march, yes that is me

Did I miss something? A few? A lot of things that I couldn’t see?

 

I should have asked for your number and called you more often

Should have caught up on how you were doing, maybe tensions would soften

Maybe the past would have easily been forgotten

But now you really are God’s begotten.

 

God’s begotten angel who earned his wings

With this thought, my spirit with joy springs

But the pain of your passing still deeply stings

And tears to my eyes it all still brings…

 

Fond memories, the ones I hold dear to my heart

Are the ones from which I will never ever depart

Your poetry inspired me to write, it’s like a rhythmic work of art

Inspired by your deep connection with Mother Nature from which you couldn’t part.

 

Watching the Winter Games now will never be the same

Hockey was your favorite game

Though in Nagano Czech Rep. put Russia to shame

It was the best night of my life with you,which with me will forever remain.

 

The sound of your voice now haunts my ears

The sound of your breathing only steers

My heart more closer to pain, bringing me to tears

The time I fell asleep on your chest when I was little long ago so many years.

 

These precious memories from me will never fade away

They are what I have left of you with me today

I wish a little longer here you could stay

There’s so much more I need to share with you, things to you I want to say.

 

And now your grave will be covered with your favorite flowers

Sweet carnations blanketing you like dew on grass from morning misty showers

It brings a smile to my face when in my darkest hours

Every time mourning your passing my heart encounters.

 

~You are dearly loved and deeply missed papa. May you rest in the comfort of God’s arms.~

 

~Valentin S. Levin~

01/28/1944-04/08/2015

Author's Note

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

I write this with tears in my eyes. First for the beautiful tribute to your "Papa", In addition it touches me from the missing times with my own daughter and not knowing when we may have the chance to be closer friends. Thank you for this beautiful tribute. I did not expect to have tears this early today. Damn you.

[Aries1984]

Thank you for your kindhearted review. I hope and pray that your daughter will come around some how. You really don't know what you lost until it's been taken from you. My parents split when I was 17 years old. It was really tough on me, I'm sure it was hard on my two younger sisters as well. I really looked up to my dad. But I was torn up myself. Divorce forces parents to used their children as weapons against each other. That is what I meant by the lines in my poem about seeking, wanting, desiring to be free. The choices I made and making the decision to ditch everyone in my family and just go my own way is what I meant with the line that I march to the beat of my own drum. I made the choice not to be in contact with my dad up until I visited him on my own choice 2 weeks before he died. There's a lot of would have's, could have's, should have's that run through my mind now. All at the same time me telling myself that what happened, happened in the past, you can't go back to change it, you shouldn't regret it, but learn from it. When I did visit him at the hospital 2 weeks before he died, it was so bittersweet. If his other health problems didn't get in the way and didn't have to work the following day or have to study, I would have stayed with him longer. We spent our time catching up on things. I hope that you get your wish come true to see your daughter. I really do. One thing I can say is true is that you really do feel that your parents days are beginning to number. That's when the gut instinct really gets heavy on your conscious.

[Willard Wells]

Thank you.

[B]

I cant stop crying

I am so sorry for your loss

Papa is proud of you
If you can write like this

[Perkele.7885]

This is a lovely poem that you have written commemorating your father's passing. He would we be smiling as he heard it for the very first time as I was just smiling now as I read it about him. You did him a fine service.

[Aries1984]

Thank you for your thoughtful review. My dad did inspire me to write. Of course he wrote in Russian (our first language in the family). My mom read me one of his pieces that he wrote many years ago. It's just as captivating today as the day he wrote it. I'm still waiting to get some of his collection, which is at the hands of my older sister right now and I hope to be able to translate it one day.

[Lola_Bee]

You write so beautifully a beauty that can only come flowing straight from the heart no thought, just pen to paper and out each word came with each emotion felt! I could feel your pain and conflict in each line, such a stunning piece yet so sad. I trust your heart will become whole once again! Great piece

[Aries1984]

Thank you for taking the time to read it. I'll check out some of your work when I get some free time.

[Lola_Bee]

Ah you are welcomed. I do have to admit my recent work is less memorable than my older! Thanks for considering to read my work!