All She Doesn't Remember

Uhhh....Find out for yourself. Very strange. Ive been listening to The Cure frequently, and I've been miserable for days. This comes from my heart. (The rhyming was all by accident)

I want to bleed you

 

Writh in the pit of your

sick

sick

Sweetness

 

Only for a moment

Until the sleeping Sun

Opens her timeless eyes

Just to see once again

 

The aches and joys

Of day

Once again

Beautiful fireflies

 

Vomit in your eyes

I watch your painful movie

A silent film

But so graceful like

 

My rainy sunrise...

Author's Note

Feedback. Gimmie gimmie gimme!

Reviews

[Xanthar]

:) Interesting piece. I like the foreground/background structure in the words.
I also like the line "Beautiful firefliesVomit in your eyes." That's good stuff.
My only CC is to try to allow a bit more flow. Of course, that's a style issue.
But I think if this were a jot less choppy, then it would be even more striking.
You have your own style. That's rare. I like it.
X

[Sharkapillar]

I love the flow of this, and the structure.
Keep up the good work!
~A

[Rachel DeHart]

I really like this.. these lines
"But so graceful like


My rainy sunrise..."

Are very intriguing. :]
It has an interesting flow to it that I really enjoy.

[unspokenguilt]

ooh! it's a trippy kind of cool...loved it!
:) elyssa

[Captain Ugly]

I like this. Very strange and wonderful way to describe the undescribable. I think you should continue to experiment with this style.
Just Me.
Captain Ugly.

[HorrorOfOurLove]

very creative, i enjoyed...
love how you started with "i want to bleed your"
had me hooked:]]
great poem thank you for sharing:]]]]

[raining]

good to me, something about this poem, like two people wrote this with a back and forth falling into the sweet day, silent movie, ache and pains with graceful sunlight and rain. ...isn't it true that sometimes the unconscious can move into the realms of the world to write out of your imagination such a good poem as this. it aint perfect but it is good. thanks raining.

[Last Lying Look]

I really admire this write.
The part that I enjoyed the most was:
" Beautiful fireflies Vomit in your eyes
I watch your painful movie
A silent film

But so graceful likeMy rainy sunrise..."
Creative. Kick a*s write.
The entire piece was amazing.
-Elissa :)

[Raven Wilson]

Wow, I can't explain it but somehow this left me with an indescribable feeling, Ic an't even express it! Very nice piece of work.