Who I am Inside

Shadow learns that there is more to her than meets the eye.

Not long after, I was meditating quietly, and the voice in my mind spoke to me. It was low, like a man’s voice, but it grated and rasped. It was telling me to focus on a wolf. I hesitated, wondering whether or not to obey the voice. I wasn’t supposed to use magic out of the supervision of the Senate. I guessed that it was for my own safety because I had no idea what the consequences could have been like. After a lot of debating between myself and my mind, I stopped meditating and allowed the voice to guide me. It whispered for me to focus on a wolf, to imagine turning into it. I obeyed, wondering what was going to happen.
Focus on the animal, feel the savageness of it fill your mind and soul...
I’m trying...
Try harder, block out all other goals from your mind...

I screamed out loud as I obeyed, feeling like every nerve in my being was flaming. I hunched over, kneeling on the ground, leaning heavily on my arms, trembling as the pain flowed through my body. My bones seemed to break and reposition themselves within me, my face growing longer, my shoulders folding down. My scream of agony slowly turned to a howl of sorrow. I opened my eyes once more, the pain having faded away into nothing. Swallowing hard, I looked around. Nothing seemed to have changed... I stood up, and tried to take a step forwards, but collapsed in a heap. At that point, the door burst open and most of the High Senate entered the room. I looked up at them.
“What?” I tried to say, but it came out as a bark. I even more confused, and looked down at my feet to see two large hairy, black paws. I yelped, jumping back and landing on my rear. I shakily stood up again and looked at the Senate members to see Arias shaking her head.
“Shadow has discovered her soul self. Someone will remain here to teach her to change back.”
“I will stay.” Arella said, stepping towards me. I tried to scramble backwards, but I landed on my rear once more. Arias shook her head again, seemingly trying to hide a smile.
“While you are here, try to teach her to walk on four legs as well before she injures herself.” Arella nodded and bowed as they left. I tried to do the same, but landed in an ungraceful heap on the floor again. Arella turned to me, smiling.
“Well, my little one, you seem to have put yourself in a fine mess. Let us try to solve it.” She gently picked me up and set me back on four paws again. I shook myself slightly before putting one paw in front of the other before wobbling. Arella poked one hind leg gently, and I moved that one forwards, regaining my balance. She gently prodded my other foreleg and I took it from there. Right foreleg, left hind leg, left foreleg, right hind leg, right foreleg... the same sequence over and over again. I gave a small woof of delight as I began to move with more and more confidence around the room. I revelled in the feeling of freedom as I quickened the pace and began to bound over the wooden floor, carefully watched by Arella. I stopped and sat down, looking up at her through animal eyes. Smiling, Arella conjured a small mirror and propped it up against a wall. I walked over, curiosity eating away at my mind. I looked into the mirror, and a small black wolf cub looked back out at me though pure black eyes. I examined the coal black but silky fur that covered me, flicked the upright, pointed ears a few times and wagged my plumy tail. Concentrating hard on my human form, I managed to morph back. It hurt, almost as much as before, but not quite. I managed to refrain from screaming this time.

As I stood up, dusting myself off, I looked up at Arella and froze. There were tears glistening in her eyes, and yet her face was smiling. I put my head on one side, confused, asking a silent question. Arella looked at me before answering.
“I feared so much worse.”
“I don’t understand...”
“The form, your soul self, it takes the shape on a creature that we are most like. A wolf is a solitary yet sociable creature, noble with perseverance and fierce will to protect those close to you. With your father being who he was, we feared a creature who would follow in his footsteps.”
“What is your animal?”
“A dove, I am a dove.” I smiled at her, and she seemed to stop holding something back, moving forwards to envelop me in her arms. “Shadow Wolf Allyssianne Roth.” She whispered in my ear.
“Mother.” I whispered back.