Birthday Present

One that's unwanted...

Every bit of me aches.
My heart was being mended,
but is once again broken in two.
How could you do that to me?
On my birthday, you make me bleed.

A heart ripped in half,
like a sheet of tissue paper.
So fragile.
So tender.
How could you do that to me?
On my birthday, you make me bleed.

Your lips made promises,
grand and music to my ears.
But without a second thought,
you broke them.
Leaving me in need.
How could you do that to me?
On my birthday, you make me bleed.

How kind of you.
To give me a present,
a gift of hurt I didn't need.
How could you do this to me?
On my birthday, you make me bleed.

©3-3-2015 by Nikki Cobain (Ashley Nicole Nordyke)

Reviews

[Chris]

Sometimes repetition works, other times it feels forced and still others it just becomes an annoying distraction. Some poetry formats are built by challenges and lauded as brilliant and clever, but I feel it IS the poet that is brilliant or at least exceptionally able to express their thoughts uniquely and in a way that I listen.

What I find amazing is that so many have to look up most "formats" for examples to work at to try to match someone else's form or wordplay ability to answer a challenge that defines so very little of what they truly think ...I tend to remember poets and authors - whose thoughts I listened to, and each of them drew me to a place or through an emotional moment where THEIR thoughts paused me or empowered me or helped me to FEEL something, understand something, relive something, experience more than I had just a moment before.

The last 5 lines were exquisite AND said everything ...completely.

Chris

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

i liked the idea but the flow does not work with the grammar mistakes and inappropriate repetition

[Nini]

The repetition worked well in this piece. This poem overflows with emotion, and the hurt illustrated well.

[Cool Girl]

Nice poem! Yeah, I'd hate that birthday present lol
But I promise things will get better :)

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

Thanks sissy.. I'm happy to have people there for me

[Cool Girl]

You're welcome girlfriend!! :)

[closed]

is it your birthday? If so happy b-day

[Cool Girl]

Her birthday was yesterday :)

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

Yeah it was yesterday.. Lol But thank you anyways

[closed]

oh okay. at least I was close i guess

[Cool Girl]

You were very close :)
Don't worry about it lol

[....................]

The gift no one wants for sure. Deeply written Ashley!

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

Thank you FT!

[AaronFreitas]

Hopefully I helped make your birthday better! Keep your head up there is so much to be positive about :)

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

You did. That's why I love you!! Thank you Aaron!!

[andrew mitchell]

A message High on emotion wanting some respect after a heart is finally broken and what is there to salvage but some respect and show of dignity. a nice power punch poem.

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

Thank you. To top it off, this piece is very real. Yesterday was my birthday and someone I care about dearly, broke my heart...

[andrew mitchell]

shame. thats not nice. happy birthday too