Heart

Just lingering thoughts that have never been captured into words until now.

It’s gone.

I think I always knew it was,

Don’t know when exactly,

Don’t know how exactly,

Just that it precisely did just that.

 

Did I ever really have it when I felt so much?

And when I feels so much, does it visit?

 

You can’t come and go as you please.

(I even shout it to the world)

Then again,

Sometimes I feel that I don’t deserve it anyway.

 

I turn away to charge my batteries,

Then I find myself draining again anyway.

I have a leak that’s progressing,

I can’t find the hole.

How can I patch it?

Am I a direct reflection of the abuse inflicted on my soul? 

On others?

On myself?

Discontent.

With self.

With lack.

It's not enough,

Is it ever?

But I don't ask for much.

Just the right kind of kind.

I'll be yours, if you be mine.

I'll give you what I can when I'm full.

But when I'm empty, 

I have nothing.

It happens more than it should.

I have nothing, 

Nothing to give.

 

Am I ill or am I just insane?

 

A silly person stuck in the head,

 

Too worried to feel anything else.

Too worried to be felt,

Too worried to feel for anyone else.

 

I feel nothing at all.

Then feel too much.

Come or go, make up your damn mind.

 

I just need consistent love.

Love never came my way when I needed it the most.

And neither,

Has my heart. 

Author's Note

Can one relate?