Just a stroll 11/17/2013

It was just a stroll on a cold, pre-winter's night--- with the company of a small dog. With, just a hint of surrealism, de-personalization, and [self] awareness.

I went on what I intended to be a short walk with my dog. 

I had a strong urge to leave my empty house, just as the other house members of mine left for the moment being, but I had no particular reason as they did.

Before I took the initiative to leave, I fought the sleep in my face from such a long and exhausting day in the fast world.
My soul and mind were telling me to get out, although, I wasn’t aware of the weather conditions outside, I didn’t care if it was still raining or if it was cold. 

The power of ascending fought the power of body rest.

As I dressed for the spontaneous act, I tried to ponder up a reason for leaving, in case anyone of concern would ask.
My, ‘reason’, was to return movies I rented from my local video store. 
“Pan’s Labyrinth”. “The Devil’s Advocate”. “A Scanner Darkly”. 
The video store took only 3 minutes to reach by car. However, tonight, I chose to reach it by foot.

I was ready to go.

I handcrafted a warm, fitted t-shirt for my small Yorkie out of a tie dyed peace patterned book cover. He was to join me in my travels.

Then he was ready to go.

On my way of departure, I attempted to give my house a rest by succumbing it to a gentle clandestine state, as it should it always be when it’s not in use. 
In the process, I passed the "fake- fig tree that sat in the "living- room and wondered, for a brief moment, why it wasn’t alive. Then went on to admiring it nonetheless because it was charmingly decorated by softly dimmed snowy white Christmas lights, yet it wasn’t even close to Christmas time. A ‘wanna-be’ Christmas tree, I presumed. A reflection of the fake tree’s shelter, in the living room. However, the tree was shining gleefully, and it could be whatever it wanted to be, so I left only its lights on.

With the setting now in the garage, I strapped on my soft black furry winter boots, and found myself giving my dog a pep talk. 
“It’s gonna be okay”, I said. 
“Through rain or shine, we won’t be stopped.”
Although I needn’t say it out loud because I knew that already, I suppose it was just more of an affirmation to myself.

When I was ready, when he was, I grabbed his leash.

Begin journey.

I touched the garage door button, it began to open, and the moment it did, the wind poured in. And I smelled that wind like I’ve never smelled it before, and I knew that this night was going to be different. 

We stepped out.

The night was quiet and the clouds were moving so fast. The wind felt angry and confused as it pushed and pulled us in different directions. My vision was very clear, so real, surreal, a very fine resolution,

Were my pupils dilated?

Everything seemed enhanced, every cookie cutter house we passed began to shout for attention. 

“Are you seeing this Scotty?” I asked my dog.

I wasn’t high on anything but the cool and violent breeze in the air. 

And then, as if the simple houses looked like they couldn’t crave any more attention, the trees began to dance.
Half-bare, half-dressed they stood. So distant from the houses, so close to the dangerous street. As alone as they stood, the more beautiful they looked, alone, beautiful, and dancing.

The night always felt different from the day. But it didn’t feel as different as this particular night.

The more I admired the outside’s beauty as I walked closer to the video store, the more I was interrupted by the blinding headlights of each passing car.

As I approached the end of my subdivision, leaving the divided and duplicated houses, my dog stopped marking his territory all over the place. As I stepped across a semi busy street I felt a hint of vulnerability. But pressed on, we did.

On this particular sidewalk, although there were no houses that faced us, I felt as if we were being watched. Each large pine tree I faced gave me an inkling that I was being watched by someone. So I looked back each time we passed one. By the time we passed the last few trees on left side of the street’s sidewalk, I began to really see them, better yet, hear them. The wind gave it vocals, so it hummed, no, it roared for its own assertion. The wind gave it somewhat of mobility, too, so it also swayed to further prove its presence. It was nature all in itself, and it was so giving, so, why was I afraid of the first 50 or something I passed?

But it wasn’t the trees I feared, it was the chance of a human using it to lurk behind…

At last we reached the video store at the end of 143rd street’s sidewalk. I swiftly and momentarily tied my little hippie looking k9 to a bike post, hurried through the old purse on my shoulder I used to hold the 3 eye candies, and dropped off the rented movies in the drop box.

Were the movies even due yet?

Not entirely satisfied, and curious as ever, my wandering, mindless legs told me to untie my dog and continue walking. So I did.

On we went, off to the newly crossed sidewalk, we approached a route called 30, sided by an even furiously busier road. Walking forward, not knowing where to go, up ahead, I realize that 30’s sidewalk ended. Prepared or not, we stepped off of it, and we could feel the soft earth down under our feet. All dipped and messy. The moment we stepped off, through the night’s sky, I noticed a silver car slowing down next to us. Fully aware of it and thrown off guard, I kept looking forward as if I didn’t see it. It stopped for a second next to us and drove away because of the approaching car behind it. The realization of us being alone at night crept in… I didn’t realize I stopped breathing until the wind smacked my face. I turned around to see that the car was turned, too. The opposite side of the road is where it was now, and it repeated its first reaction, then away it went once more. Then finally aware that it truly wasn’t just me, Scotty, and the wind, I picked up our walking pace with a new sense of caution and worrisome.

Instantaneously after, I felt earth shifting under me. It began to feel a little distressed as I was, and became more difficult to tread upon. But still, we pressed on.

“Are you all right”? I asked Scotty, as I looked down at him. He looked goofy. Tongue all out and looking giddy as ever. Not even paying attention to his human and her newly discovered caution. 
'Well, that answers that.’

I thought to myself, 'I wonder if the stranger danger vehicle didn’t take further action because of the huge ferocious looking dog by my side. HA!’

Pressed further on, up ahead I took notice of a strip mall of various human entertainment. I decided I’d reach there to make my next excursion decision. Being around places full of other people was my best option for feeling safer, although truthfully that is not always the case. For the sake of journey fun, I chose to pick up a slice of pizza to enjoy as I stopped to tie my dog to a bench in front of some Italian food joint on the strip. All out of breath and flushed, I ordered, took my food, and walked out. I sat on the bench outside and consumed my food there, Scott, of course, wanted to consume some as well, so I thought, “meh what the hell”, and tossed him a few pieces. As I finished up the last few bites of the pizza I began to think about our next new steps. 
'Okay, walk further away from the street this time, and walk OPPOSITE of the car’s direction.’ I decided.
Then touched my stinging cold ears to make sure they were still there, untied Scotty, kissed his head, threw away my trash, and settled on a decision of returning back home.

The night continued to shift.

I wonder how long we’ve been out here for, never once looking at my dying phone in my coat’s pocket. We strode. Then a few steps as we again got closer to the busy street, I realized my right hand felt less weight. I dropped down.
“Scotty!” I cried out, as I quickly comprehended that he got out of his collar. 
In the sweetest tone I beckoned, “Come here, baby!”, as I could make out that my poor baby was smack dab in the middle of the dangerous road…
Luckily, and steadily, he drew near, tail all happy, and I remembered that I had a pounding heart in my chest.

I didn’t want to take any more chances, so I picked up my muddy dog, stood back up off my sore wet knees and gathered my consciousness.

We moved on and I began to feel the roughness of the air as it froze my face with each blow it took. Nature can be brutal, but it always does it in the most elegant way.

I found myself in defensive mother-mode as each car passed us, indeed, I was protective of Scott, but I was really on guard for myself. Just up ahead the movie store once again stood in my peripheral. We stepped off the outskirts of danger 30 as I felt my right arm growing weary of carrying my dog, the wind tugging at him didn’t help my arm either. I set him down feeling better at ease as I returned to him the adjusted collar. Behind the video store we passed as a shortcut to the first road 

we walked after coming out of my subdivision. 143rd.

There was a strip of closed stores behind the video shop and I felt curious and eager as I looked into the large open windows of the lifeless and barely lit closed mini stores.

Continuing our walk--back to the pine trees we found ourselves, and I got back to the mindset I was at when I first passed them. I noticed 143rd beside us and a small object came into focus in the middle of it. In the dark spaces of the street lights was where it laid, so I couldn’t tell if it was an animal or not. Curious and determined anyway, I got a little closer just in case it could have been an injured animal I would have been willing to try to help save, be it wild or not. It was a heavy brand named jacket, and I was on the sidewalk once again, without it, home bound.

Entering in the subdivision felt different than walking out of it. Each house I passed gave me a sick familiar feeling, I knew that although each house inhabited different people, they were all probably doing the same thing. I had to catch a moment to look at the sky before I could think on about that matter. The sky was blue in some patches of the darkness and it made me happy because it was my favorite color.

As we got closer to our house, I became relieved, yet, surprisingly, not ready. We walked slower as we turned unto our street and I knew Scotty was fed up and tired as he walked drunkenly beside my feet rather than straying. I quickly looked up at the sky again as I became inches away from my house, and the second I did, I caught the moon looking down at me meeting my gaze. Smaller clouds passed her beautiful, glowing face for a few seconds before she was out of sight again. And at that precise moment, I felt accomplished and at home.

My whole walking experience came into focus and expanded and dissected in my mind as I looked over into the window of my house and saw the glowing dead fig tree inside.

The night felt different. Shifted again.

I let the wind hug me and it reminded me why I loved it and its organic life.

Standing right before my house, more silent was the night and I knew that it was gonna be okay. 

I opened the doors of my house, and we stepped in. 

Author's Note

From real life. Post, post lucy in the sky with diamonds.