What I would suggest is that you break this up into a book (or novella as you deem fit) and post each chapter as an actual Chapter. It might be easier for the reader's comprehension.
As for the dialogue, difficult to follow due to the lacking quotations, but brilliantly done! Again, this is something easily remedied by going back and adding them in or (or if you prefer to keep it that way) by maintaining a uniform paragraph separation. I noticed it changed between two styles throughout the piece.
As I said earlier, this piece was fantastically well written! (Though it did take me quite a while to read it!) I look forward to your future writings!
v.r.
Ryan
Posted 16 Years Ago
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