We're All Dying, Aren't We? (6)

River of No Return

A desert is a bitter place.
There's something cruel in endless space:
it strips away the human scale.

I fear these winds that scour and chase
the vortices, and sting my face.
Good looks are fine, but all too frail -
ask Monty. Once you've lost your place,
you feel as if you've lost the race,

you're not what you're supposed to be.
I envy his consumption rate.
The one man in this battle-born state
in grimmer shape than even me.

Yes, Huston's the paternal kind,
but something's left him colourblind:
director's name on empty chair.
He's hollow, going through the motions,
painted ship on painted ocean:
you touch him, but he isn't there.

I married Miller on a whim.
If I could land a man like him,
I figured, I must be someone.
A man above me, older, smarter:
I didn't want a Jewish martyr.
Why lock the safe? The money's gone.

I come without a guarantee.
Men fool themselves - they don't need me.
I nixed on Arthur, fixed on Clark.
I've reached some kind of plateau now.
I'm sure of everything ... but how
to find my way back in the dark.

 

 

 

Author's Note

(1) River of No Return: This is the title of an earlier Monroe picture.
(2) Monty: Montgomery Clift
(3) Huston: John Huston, director of “The Misfits”
(4) I nixed on Arthur, fixed on Clark: During the shooting of “the Misfits”, Marilyn ended her relationship with Arthur Miller and indulged in a brief affair with co-star Clark Gable.
(5) How to find my way back in the dark: Marilyn’s closing words in “The Misfits”