Attainment

Dreams of pallid ecstasy
Merge fantasy into reality
Bringing my desires to fruition
I had only before imagined such a thing as this
It is haunting, and yet somehow soothing

My love, lost in the void of my memory, has returned to me
At long last, she is in my arms once again
"Oh darling, how I have missed you"
These are the words that my mouth cannot seem to form

She leaves me breathless in her radiance
It pierces my soul suddenly, leaving me in wonder
My skin feels cold beneath her touch
I fall into her embrace as my lungs empty
Gasping for air, I am drowning in the ocean of her icy stare
And so, broken, I succumb to her essence

Reviews

[Decanter Red]

General impression: Needs some practice to smooth out the poetry.

In the first paragraph, while there words, it does not make the reader 'feel'. The major use of poetry is to convey emotion, unline storytelling, which needs a plot and a ton of other complicated things :p

The final paragraph is starting to bring out the essence of your piece, but then suddenly, the whole thing ends. Rather unsatisfying, don't you think? It's like mama (pardon my choice of example) gave you a sweet as a reward, and then digs it out from your mouth again before you finished it :p However, it is the paragraph which has the best feeling.

To improve your work, I suggest you need to control the flow and length of the piece. Cliffhanger feelings work best in stories, not so much in poetry. Major brushing up required :) keep it up!

[Arcus]

It's prose poetry. It is supposed to flow like that. It is what I felt was best for the emotion that I was trying to convey. Thank you for your input. :)

[Decanter Red]

Ah I see...in that case, I understand it fully. I wonder if I'm mentioned this before, but poetry is not my forte so I write reviews in the perspective of an amateur reader. ^^ You're welcome.

[Arcus]

I tend to write more in the prose poetry style. My writings just come to me like that. I was never much of a fan of the ABCD, ABBA, AABB, etc. formats of poetry. They're good when used cleverly, otherwise, they bore me. They just seem impersonal when written in a cliched way. Much like how songs always follow the same format of intro, verse 1, chorus, verse 2, chorus, bridge, chorus, chorus, outro. I like things that flow poetically, but have a straightforwardness to them, if that makes any sense. :)

[Decanter Red]

Ahh, I understand. Some rules...it's just better to let them go :)

You seem to have some knowledge of song writing, or is it me thinking something else? ;o