Bad Idea?

Of course it was a bad idea, I mean jumping into a river when you can’t see the bottom isn’t a good idea but at if it could have a happy ending. This was always destined to end horrifically, how could I be so stupid as to think that telling her I loved her was a good idea. Of course it was a bad idea, of course I realise it now but if only I could’ve realised it before I told her. If I hadn’t she wouldn’t of looked at me in such pity and despair, me the one who needed pity, how stupid of me. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The only thing I could do now was try and save myself a bit, if I didn’t tell anyone maybe it wouldn’t get out. But she was the biggest tattletale of them all and of course she’s a girl so all her friends would already know by now. It can’t have taken long for that to get passed onto one of the boys and in about five minutes I’ll probably be getting a dozen texts of what the heck have you done mate.

I knew it, it was a horrible idea. If I had just suffered in my love, staring at her enviously whenever I saw her and biting my tongue, then it would’ve been so much better. At least I’d still get to see her, now I’ll be forced to avert my gaze whenever she walks past. Maybe I should just skip town and she’ll never have to see me again. I should really, to respect her.

Why did I have to bloody go telling her I loved her? Who even does that these days, isn’t everything just shy little fluttering eyes and knocks on the shoulder until two people come together with held hands a kiss. No one actually says it anymore, they just do it.

I slumped down onto my bed, the door was locked and I was ready with two bags of popcorn and fifty bottles of soft drink. I could bunk down here for a little while. Maybe it would just blow over and no one would remember it. I suppose that would be the best way out of this mess.

I closed my eyes and waited for my phone to go off. It really shouldn’t be too long now, words can pass so quickly. She would’ve ran off immediately to her friends and they would’ve had a quick giggle whilst someone else told one of the boys who tell all the other boys who would come and demand what idiot had inhabited my mind. Would they come to my house? I shut the blind to my curtain quickly, they didn’t need to know I was home, I could be halfway to Timbuktu by now for all though. I wonder how much a ticket to Timbuktu would cost.

A small ring went off the corner of my room. I groaned and wished it would stop. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. The phone stopped ringing. I would look later, soon but just not now.

A burning curiosity entered me, I was always curious and waiting would just stress me out more. I picked up my phone and flicked it off the lock screen.

One missed call. One voicemail. From her.

Perhaps it was time to change my name now and become someone else.

Hesitantly I dialled the voicemail number and put it on speaker.

“Hey, we need to talk.” She was hesitant, like she was saying something she didn’t know how to say.

My heart groaned.

“I think I’m in love with you too, so yeah, call me if you can.”

I froze, what else could I do but freeze. Did I hear right? Was I already in such a state of delusion that I was making things up. Her words were loud and clear in my mind; was it true? It was, it had to be, I wasn’t that deluded. Sure I may put milk in before my cereal but that doesn’t mean I’d create voices in my head.

I picked up my phone and dialled, breath coming heavy. Perhaps this wasn’t such a bad idea after all, like drinking one too many beers, except now I was drunk on love.