Valiance

She hated people who killed themselves. She thought they were greedy, selfish and stupid. So of course when she thought about killing herself it was valiant.

The other people were only killing themselves because they were caught up in teenager angst. They were depressed because their boyfriend of two dates had broken their heart or they were so vain their friendships depended on the shapes of their chin. They were foolish to think any of it really mattered.

As a teenager it was alright if she killed herself because she wasn’t depressed or heart-broken or vain. She didn’t mope around asking for self-pity in any emotional or physical way. No one knew what she wanted; she wasn’t one of those people.

She listened to her friend talk about how depressed she was and she wanted to scream at her to actually look at her life. If she looked she would see she had everything needed around her in the world, there was no reason for her to be depressed except her own stupidity.

She didn’t want to die because life was bad or she thought the world was horrible. She wanted to die because she couldn’t see a future. In her perfectly fine life she had nothing to hold onto. There was hope for something better after. That was why her death would be justified, because she was seeking something this world couldn’t bring.

She was allowed to be annoyed at others because they were so caught up in the world to realise what it was doing to them, but her reasons were valid.

In reality she hated them because she was afraid. She feared the day that someone she knew killed themselves. If it happened every day she would question what she could’ve done. It was easier to blame them now than blame herself later. If only they had gotten past their foolishness and accepted their life.

When it came to wanting to die she knew the only person she could blame was herself and that was why it was valiant. It was her own choice and responsibility, she had looked at the world and accepted that there was no life for her. She wasn’t greedy, or selfish or stupid, she was brave. If she killed herself there was nothing anyone could have done, they couldn’t have changed anything.

If she had stopped looking past the world and beyond her future she may found that she had a present. She may have realised that the time now leads to a future and if she had really wanted one she could have created one for herself instead of waiting for one to be created. But she didn’t and when she died no one remembered her as valiant. No one remembered her as greedy either, or selfish or stupid. They remembered her as someone they loved, and in the end that’s what mattered.

 

Reviews

[Nicole Schuster]

Interesting and thought-provoking. Suicide is a touchy subject, but you brought a new light into it. I love how you explained that sometimes, people end their life not only because it's so awful, but because they see a chance for something better in the next life (heaven, afterlife, etc.). Interesting take on this subject and a great read :)