The Pie and Denture Story

I want to write a story as boring as pie and as supple as dentures. The problem with that is that pie isn’t particularly boring. You can get apple pie, meat pie, the terribly odd pumpkin pie which shouldn’t be sweet but is. Then there’s the pastry; shortcrust; flaky and the puffy ones that tends to end up more on the table around you than in your mouth. So writing a story as boring as pie could be a hard challenge, because pie in all its diversity is really quite delicious. Okay a story as delicious as pie would work better. But then there’s the different types of delicious. There’s the scrumptious delicious, what should be a cooking story where the main character whips up fondant and soufflés and delectable little treats for the world. Then there’s the other delicious, which considering there’s little actual tasting involved shouldn’t be used to describe this taboo and unmentionable act which only appears in certain areas of the bookshop where children are not allowed to go. The first would be far too tempting because to enough knowledge I’d have to go and gain experience of all the delectable things out there. The second would be foolish because who wants to read a story about that.

Even after all that then there’s the second matter of writing a story as supple as dentures. Dentures in their nature aren’t a particularly supple object, in fact if they were rather supple it might require another visit to the dentist. Of course maybe then I could write a story about going to the dentist, a practical story which a poorly-toothed suffering patient getting some straightforward, unsupple repairs. So a story as supple as dentures must be straight, with not an inch of flexibility and very little evidence of anything but a strong, practical stance.

Oh the ways things are made difficult. Perhaps it is just best, to leave it all up to someone else. Someone who may want to write a story about cooking, and someone who would rather write a story about certain areas which are better left to the dark. Maybe someone is out there just craving to write a story about a visit to the dentist. All I know is that writing a story as boring as pie and as supple as dentures doesn’t have to be a hard task for someone who wants to do it. But me, I’d rather write a story as slick as a sloth and heavy as hair; that’ll be easy right.