Demeaning Truths

idk felt like writing something sassy and sarcastic and mean hope u laugh a lil, get a tad hurt, feel something and enjoy :3

Ha!

You make me laugh

You look at me as if you honestly believe I still care

Is it really THAT great of a surprise that my love has forsaken you?

Pathetic!

Utter idiocy!

Ha!

Okay.

Let me tell you something.

The sight of your tearing face leaves me disgusted

The sound of your voice is that of fingernails on a chalk board.

A noisome, hellish, grating sound.

Your presence is an anathema 

One that drains me of all my life

Your body as scrunched up and unwanted as a toad.

Awww.

Did I hurt you?

Did I leave the Baby feeling sad?

Did I make your tears overflow?

Do I make you want to crawl into a hole and die?

Good.

For you have given me those same feelings for far to long

And now at last I am rid of you 

And now at last you will see all that I can be

When your weight isn't keeping me down.

Author's Note

So yeah like wat it said above. Tell me what needs to be improved for later poems

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

"Pathetic!
Utter idiocy!"
I like the honest and direct words in this poem. Sometime better to be to the point to get rid of dead weight. I like the complete poem. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Summer D.]

Well, I'll give you your points for emotion. Definitely. The animosity floating off the words was really strong. It's just your choice of words and the way you chose to present them I have a problem with. I'm always one for presenting your hate and any negativity in the most subtle, eloquent, yet powerful way in poetry. As not to sully poetry with any un-needed elements.

The beginning is fine.

"Ha!
You make me laugh"

Brilliant start but it's the rest that sort of sounds weird.

" You look to me with the foolish belief that I still care.
Does it surprise you? At the final curtain call that you found a knife- steel and all?"

Use imagery. Show not tell. A knife to the back usually indicates betrayal.
I love the following two insults. They really keep to the feeling and they're not out of place.

I think overall you should balance it with a more refined way of writing poetry.
This seemed more like a rant at parts then a poem. Title was utter genius though; as always.

YT,

Summer

[palfor03]

could the last weight be taken figuritively and literally?

:p

I enjoyed it overall. Felt like there was some real tension behind this. It almost felt directed at me.