Sins of Youthful Love Pt 1

Cairan and Shep are discovered and Dios debates whether or not to make a life altering call..... PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!

-Betrothed-

The Sins of Youthful Love

Part 1

 

            It's not like he'd meant for it to happen. No, it just sort of did. It's not like he had wanted the curse to fall on them, on the kingdom, their families but it did. He didn't mean for things to escalate so quickly, so forcefully, so strongly. It didn't matter what he said, what he believed. It didn’t matter that he was supposed to be getting married; that he was betrothed to another" to Diana. None of that occurred to him, especially not when he had the poor servant boy trapped beneath him. Not when his lips molded against his. Not when he'd crane his neck back and beg for more. He could push all those thoughts away and pretend that this was meant to be.

            But little ever really was.

-Betrothed-

 

            The room was silent but that wasn't a surprise to anyone. Neither was the emptiness, the feeling of deep sadness; that stretched across the table, seeping through cracks, doors, and windows. Nothing could stop it. Nothing could block it. Droughts and famine plagued the lands. Earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, and thunderstorms, Mother Nature threw everything she could at the heads of mankind. The people grew disheartened. The people grew angry. Unrest filled the hearts of all. 

            The curse had struck.

            It was a disease of both the body and mind; a disease that was not only affecting the royal family but everything, everyone. It was death's vengeful mistress, enraged at her secondary position, pitting her children" despair and fury" against the wits of man.

            Candle light flickered overhead, dancing on the walls, as the chandeliers above the great hall swayed gently with the crisp winter air. It was cold but no one felt like shrugging his or her shoulders against the bitter bite. They didn't see a point. They didn’t see a point to much of anything anymore. Well, everyone but the youngest prince; the youngest prince of the name Shepherd Vonhussen"the Prince of the Sea. 

            He still had reason to live. He could still find joy in these dark times. He could find reasons to smile while all else frowned and turned to despair. His sea green eyes scanned the room, lifting his hand casually to guide the waterlogged soup to his lips. It was bland and lifeless, the few vegetables that resided in its depths had long since been devoid of their flavor. An even lesser group than him would think this preposterous. The royals eating like slaves? No better than commoners? Starve the populace! Tax them! Crush resistance! Their reserves had long since been depleted, given away to their starving people, but Shep didn't complain. He knew why his father did it. He saw the wisdom behind the action even if his older brothers, Dios and Berrick, could not.

             Dios was the oldest, and with his swamp green eyes and uncharacteristic red-brown hair, was the pretty boy. He was the one the people regarded as the charismatic and charming one. He had the people, both men and women, wound tightly around his finger. Despite his obvious elitist airs and views he remained a town favorite, if not only for the attractive curve of his lips. It had long since been suspected that he wasn't truly a royal, a b*****d to some other in an scandalous affair, but Silvia swore on the Great Goddess of the Fluss Hasse that he was in fact her child. Who, in their right mind, would dare speak against the word of the Queen? Despite this, the offer of kingship was not extended to his older brother, as was his right as the eldest of the three. 

            Berrick, resembled his father in more ways than one, and naturally he became the favorite for succession to the throne. Women flocked in legions, seduced by his rugged and rough allure. His arms rippled with toned muscles and faded scars, a shade lighter than his tan skin, and long black hair framed his strong jaw. He looked like bad news and he wasn’t short of it. He only visited the palace for two reasons: to either aid with military affairs or to deflower young maidens who ambled about his room for a night of intense passion. 

            Shep paled in comparison to his elder siblings. He wasn’t exactly what many would consider “handsome” or “good-looking”. He hung in the shadows of his brothers and his father, invisible, to even the palace servants. His black hair, forever unruly, was kept at a perpetual length that never passed his neck or fell into his eyes. Shep was skinny and gangly to the point that he appeared to border on anorexia. This, Shep declared, was the perfect disguise to mask his sly and cunning nature. He was easily one of the smartest minds in the kingdom; with tactical and worldly knowledge to rival that of a child of Weisheit. His natural ability in academics infuriated him. He feared loosing the favor of the night that allowed him to blend into the crowd, without so much as a whisper.

              His brothers held onto that medieval belief that they were above everyone else and were naturally entitled to the luxuries they wallowed in. They claimed that the gods had imbued them with some sort of natural born power that allowed them to assert themselves over others. Shep himself scoffed at the very notion. How couldn't they see that it was simple luck that they were descendants of royal blood? They could’ve been just as likely to be born a peasant, as they were a royal. Though, personally, he couldn't see much of a difference. At the moment all he viewed was a large dreary castle that was always too cold because there was never enough people to truly warm up the place. They were just as hungry as the poor and the only luxury they truly had left, was their titles and noble airs.

            The two oldest siblings had voted against giving away their reserves, holding tight to their self-indulgence, while their mother and father voted to give them away. Shep was the tiebreaker in the matter and he was quick to side with his father, incurring the wrath of his older two siblings.

            "Why do you even let him vote father?" Dios had whined, fixing his younger brother with a poisonous glare, his nail file slipping from his loose grasp. "F**k,” Dios cursed bending down to retrieve it. Berrick nodded silently his steely eyes fixed on the sea prince, his lips spread into a hard line, "He's not even eighteen yet." "And why does that matter?" Don thundered, "You two where even younger when we gave you the right to vote.” Don shifted his gaze to Shep, "and we all know that Shepherd is more than capable to lead,” He ran a hand through his hair tiredly, "he is far more qualified than the both of you.” Shep winced, as their glares grew even more ferocious. It wasn't a secret that he was their father's favorite.

He wasn’t quite sure why Dios hated him so much. The boy had no desire to be king, he'd made that much obvious, and he was more than content to freeload off the wealth of the family. As long as he still possessed his jewels and playthings, he spoke no word of insurgence. His obvious dislike for Shep confused him despite the truths of these matters. Berrick viewed him as an obstacle to the throne but Dios? What could he possibly do to him? What had he possibly done to him?

            Shep sighed and leaned back into his chair, shaking his dark locks with slow deliberation, as if to rid him of these thoughts. He was dreaming now. He was thinking back weeks. No, months!  No, years! He had to dwell in the present now, remember it, see it, and live it. And he realized that at that moment his reality was no more than eating horrid soup, and trying to catch the eye of a certain servant. One who had skillfully pretended not to hear his calls or see his longing stares. Shep had become infatuated with this servant boy who managed to make his heart flutter uncontrollably. He brought an unfamiliar red to his cheeks and awkward movements, which he hadn’t known sense his early teenage years. These were actions foreign to Shep, things he’d known that were forbidden, but things he did anyways because of the feelings he felt for this servant"

            His beloved servant. 

-Betrothed-

Author's Note

PLEASE REVIEW I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ALL THINK!!!! D;

.... Epona is a man LOL just making sure you all understand that. He's kinda a pretty boy, more fluid than the others so I gave him a girlish name. But don't be fooled, he's most definitely masculine :p Anyway TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!! PT 2 WILL BE UP SOON! pt 3 IS IN PROGRESS

Reviews

[Writer #00]

So you supposedly have an editor, so I'm not going to mention most of the grammatical mistakes like misplaced commas and unnecessary semicolons.

swamp green eyes-->perhaps consider hyphenating 'swamp green'?

He was the one the people regarded as the charismatic and charming one. -->last 'one' is redundant, as it is already implied

to either aid with military affairs or to deflower young maidens who ambled about his room for a night of intense passion. -->this made me laugh

that he appeared to border on anorexia-->anorexic?

They could’ve been just as likely to be born a peasant, as they were a royal-->They could've been a peasant just as likely as they had been born royals...I dunno, but something about this sounds convoluted...maybe just me

At the moment all he viewed was a large dreary castle that was always too cold because there was never enough people to truly warm up the place.-->there were never enough people...

all of his lieges wishes-->liege's

"I'll be sure to take of that later"-->What is Shep going to 'take' of 'that'? Do you mean take car of that later? (by the way, this romance is cheesy, I feel like I'm reading fan-service written by a yaoi fangirl...I'm only being extra critical because you claimed this romance was more interesting than things like Percy and Annabeth -_-)

It's a bit unrealistic that Shep's older brother would ditch dinner just to watch him make love to a servant...it's also just plain creepy and perverted. Also, why is Dios only shocked by the fact that he discovered the lost prince? Perhaps consider adding a line in which Dios regards the fact that he'd just seen his little brother visciously kiss his servant, but that there was soemthing even more surprising/jarring/disturbing/whatever about the scene: then go on as you did. Just a suggestion.

a blonde face appeared-->a blonde-haired boy appeared, perhaps. i realize Epona's gender is made evident only a line or so down, but introducing him androgynously gives the reader time to mis-imagine him as a female (as I did)...it doesn't help that he has a feminine name

A muffled cry met his and Shep quickly threw on a shirt and reached for Kabbelung, removing it from its resting place besides his chair. -->a muffled cry met his...what? His boxers? i think you meant ear, probably.

an hauntingly beautiful manner-->a hauntingly...

"I'd rather him alive then dead."-->okay, so if you mean you'd rather Shep alive before dying, then it makes Thyme sound stupid given the common knowledge that one must have lived before dying. Otherwise, change 'then' to 'than'

Heh, heh, Riptide, eh? I thought its name was Kabbelung...seriously, though, you might want to change that. it's at the end, last part.

Clever choice of names. Thyme and his last name definitely seem to have the most meaning. I'm confused as to why Thyme is attacking Dios' kingdom. Why didn't he just set up a negotiation with the king and request the lost prince in return for giving their kingdom a few more years of peace, or something? Doesn't make much war sense, wasting an army like that, but I'm not really into war strategy and such, so I'm probably off. Plus, it's 2 AM and I'm dying, so some things just flew over my head. Sometimes I was confused as to when Shep was doing something and when Cairan was doing something..because they're both males, so pronouns become not as helpful : ) Anyway, I think this part might do some good from another revision or two, I think Dios is a creepy, back-stabbing, envious Perv. Me go sleep now zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

[Writer #00]

haha, I put 'take car of that'...then I bashed your romance. Not a good order. I meant take care...if you didn't figure that out. And I wrote soemthing. Meant 'something'. : )

[Dene LaRue]

So i absolutely love the poetic presence of your first two paragraphs. Very engaging! I think that your introduction is good. The pacing is great. I appreciate the fact that Shep isn't 'handsome' like most protagonist. I'm definitely looking forward to reading more. Thank you so much for sharing!

[Tsukin Archangel]

Thank you! And yeah he's meant to be just kinda... average, of course well Ciaran doesn't think he is cause well he likes the guy but ya know. THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!

[crystalandra]

Okay, I have to say that I was totally enthralled by your story...I enjoyed every bit of it and found myself on the edge of my seat getting into the drama. You've done an amazing job with the story and am looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters.

[Tsukin Archangel]

Wonderful :3 I'm glad you liked it :o Though Warning... the next parts are like 2x as long as this one LOL (part 2 is done... and I'm actually putting the finishing touches to part 3 now... so i'll try and get them edited asap :3) THANKS FOR TEH REVIEW!

[Tsukin Archangel]

btw The next arc has been fully uploaded! So feel free to read it!