Chapter Thirteen: Bothering

GOD THE CURSED CHAPTER D; 13 IS AN UNLUCKY NUMBER!!!

Chapter Thirteen: Bothering

Evon

  You know... I have the most amazing alarm clock. Like really, no one else's can compare to the awesome strength and prowess it possesses. It's a beauty, that thing. Brown, sleek, wooden; hard a board. Oh, and can't forget the best part: it's loud, obnoxious, and, oh yeah, packs a good punch too. Yep. That's right. It f*****g punches. Like... WHAM! Bop to the face. Smacks ya in the nose like a wooden plank. Total keeper right?

  Wait. I opened my eyes. The hell? The b***h was a wooden plank. It's not, a f*****g alarm clock. I looked around the room bleary eyed, feeling my throbbing nose gently. The stupid thing was still ringing. I glared down at it. B***h. The a*s clock was the instigator, the trickster that had to f*****g bleep on maximum volume next to my ear. My face scrunched in confusion. What the hell? Who even put that there. I could've sworn I hadn't even set it last night. I was totally T.P'ing the room of whoever the hell thought this was funny.

  I sighed and stretched, still holding my nose gingerly. I wouldn't be surprised if the thing fell off. Well... that's a lie, I would totally freak if it really did fall off. But anyway that's how I woke up! Glorious and epic win for Evon Fraiser. Not. The bed totally pwnd me. Bed one Evon zero. Yay. Insert sarcasm here. But yeah, head to bunk bed, going as fast as a f*****g cannonball, so that when it hit it hit hard. Really hard. Like super hard. Yep, it sucked; hurt like a mohfoh, annnnd, it kinda killed whatever other thoughts were going to be in my head before you know, stabbing, awful, temporarily blinding pain shot through my skull!

  "S**t." I groaned sitting up and tossing my alarm clock onto my desk spitefully, enjoying the dull thump it made (s**t I was turning into a sadist), before glancing up at the bed above me. Empty. Nicoli was gone. I sighed and looked back at where the alarm clock was sitting on its side. Good riddance. It didn't deserve to live. The thing should die. Be smashed into a bunch of hellish pieces of hell. Yeah. I bit my lip.

  "D****t," growled sitting up and straightening out the alarm clock so it was face up and exactly three inches from the edge of the desk. I couldn't take it, the stupid thing just had to be right where I put it or it would be bugging me all day. God. F**k my life.

  The door swung open and I turned to see Dale standing in the doorway, a strip of bacon hanging from his mouth, a key card in one hand, two plates laying precariously on his other arm.

He looked up. " Oh, vo, duede, vyour up," Dale said through a mouthful of bacon, walking further into the room.

"Dude, you needa chew your food." He set the plates on my desk, which was really the only clean place left in this dump, everywhere else was covered with his junk, (... ha, that sounded... awkward... I probably should get him to clear off that third desk now that Nicoli is with us...), and he stuck his tongue out at me. "Ah ew, man, gross, chew d****t, chew!"

Dale moved his head into my personal space. "Vou, knoiw vou vike it."

I laughed. "I don't even know what you're saying!"

He grinned and finally swallowed (ha swallowed... junk... oh god, mind is going down fast), plopping down on his bed across from me. I reached over and grabbed one of the plates off my desk, biting into a piece of toast. It was tough, probably kinda stale, and only lightly buttered, pretty bland but hey beggars can't be choosers, we were lucky we even got the bacon today since, you know, the all mighty apocalypse hit, but oh gosh, I'm getting depressing. Time to stop this train before it gets even more emo, I'll leave that Nicoli, I think he's got the role pretty down pat. You know how much I hate bein' a downer.

Speaking of Nicoli... I glanced at the bed above me, still empty, I laughed to myself, like he was magically gonna appear. Ha. That wasn't gonna happen, my alarm clock made sure of that. F*****g a*s, making me think it was special. I sighed.

"Looking for Nicoli?"

I nodded absentmindedly, flicking my gaze back down to the boy across from me. "Hmmm, yeah, I still didn't get to thank 'im for the, ya know, whole life saving and s**t."

"Ah dude, you needa get on that A.S.A.P, such bad manners man, thought I taught ya better than that."

I rolled my eyes. "I know, the gods of hospitality and chivalry are gonna smite me on the spot."

"Never know dude."

"Yeah... right man," I took a breath, before laying down on my bed, the plate resting on my chest and eating one of the two strips of bacon on it. "Any idea where he is?"

Dale nodded. "Yep, and you won't be able to get to 'im before tonight."

"Huh, why?"

He looked at me like I was the most oblivious person on the planet, which hello, if anyone was gonna be oblivious it would obviously be him. "He's in the Underworld man, Defense Squad remember?"

"Ah s**t," I groaned. "Forgot. F*****g sucks." I finished the second piece of bacon.

"Didn't suck before."

"Didn't have a reason to care 'til now."

"Ah the spark of young love, so unreasonable and irrational."

"Wow, you know words with more than one syllable," I said dryly.

"Hey man no need to hate, can't control those hormones man."

"What the hell are you talking about? I don't like him," Dale raised an eyebrow. "Like that you dork, you know what I mean."

"Sure, and you just happened to run out the door after him last night?"

"Hey! I didn't want him to get lost, and dude, he almost kicked down Akes door, don't forget someone had to hide your porn stash."

Dale waved a hand. "You should've let him, and you had your eyes glued on his a*s the whole time."

"Did not."

"Uh-huh, and you definitely didn't wink at him either."

I shot up on my elbows. "S**t, you saw that?"

"Dude, I was sitting right across from you, I saw everything."

I shrugged and laid back down, playing it cool. "What can I say? I'm a flirt at heart."

"Yeah that was when there was something worth flirting with, don't think I haven't noticed the lack of flirty Evon lately."

I opened and closed my mouth. "S**t."

"Yeah, just admit it man, and stop being a wuss."

"Man, this is getting awkward, how bout a topic change huh?"

"Dude, come on, you can tell me anything. He's a dude, I'm a dude, you're a dude. We're all dudes. We all got the same things, nothing you can tell me I haven't seen already."

"Dude, you sound like a f*****g stoner, you know that right." I smirked, oh yes, he just dug himself into a hole. I cleared my throat. "So you have gay porn under there?"

"What?"

"In your porn stash, you've seen it all right?"

"I didn't mean like-"

"Well you know, one dude's gotta take it up the a*s right?"

"Uhm, Evon, now would be a really good time to sto-"

"Big throbbing dick just shoved up there, like mmph." I punched the air and grunted mimicking the action with my fist.

Dale looked mortified. "OKAY! That is enough! I get it! Done. So done. Not gonna ask you anymore okay? Okay. Done. Yeah."

I laughed and looked over at him. "Remeber the bro code man, 'ask not tell not.'"

Dale nodded his ears tinged red, the only way you could tell he was blushing. "Okay. Yeah, definitely not gonna ask about that s**t okay? I don't wanna hear about your frisky times together." He paused. "Wait a minute, wasn't the bro code like 'bro's before hoes' or something. Actually never mind don't answer that. Done. Yeah. Totally done." He ran a hand down his face. "So whatcha gonna do now?"

I sighed and shrugged. "Dun know, I'll probably go and see how Vic and Sally are doin since I don't have to get back to scavenging 'til tomorrow, I'.m apparently still 'recuperating'. Julius seems to think I'm gonna keel over any second now."

Dale nodded. "Lucky you, Trent, Dante and I are on Kitchen Duty with Winston, Matthew and the Twins since you're out of commission. Julius doesn't want us out there without a fourth guy."

"Mmm, makes sense."

"Yeah, well dude, I'm gonna get back to work, gimme that plate."

"'Kay, here, and thanks dude."

"No problemo hombre." Dale crossed over to the door.

"Hey, dude! Do you know who set my alarm on my bed?" I asked.

"Ah yeah, that was me man, had to make sure you got up at some point."

I grabbed the pillow off my bed and chucked it at him. "Dick, I was enjoying my do nothing day. F*****g smacked my face thanks to you."

Dale easily sidestepped, stupid animal like reflexes. He grinned. "What the hell happened man? Is that why you're nose is red?"

I threw a pencil off my desk at him. "Ah shut up a*s! It's your fault, just get outta here!"

"That bad huh? Wish I could've seen it."

"Oh god you're a f*****g sadist."

"Nah I just suffer from that one human phenomenon where we find humor in thinking omg thank god that wasn't me."

"You mean ?"

"Yeah that one!"

"Just get out."

"Okay, okay grumpy pants, I'm goin, goin gone, turn that frown upside down." Dale offered a wave and the door slid shut behind him.

"Ugh," I groaned and dragged a palm down my face. You know what, f**k finding Vic n' Sally, I just wanted to f*****g sleep. Yeah. That's what I was gonna do, be a lazy a*s and just lay here. All. Day. Long.

Yeah. Right. Like things ever worked like that for me.

I sighed and rolled over, my mind was all fired up now. There was no way I was going to get anymore sleep now. I was too awake, too focused, any chance I had at relaxation was lost. Today was going to be hell, I could feel it. I was even more antsy than usual, even sitting still was going to be next to impossible. I groaned and sat up.

F**k it.

Let's go bother a lovely couple.

I was already dressed (granted it was s**t I wore yesterday, and I probably smelled like a*s, but you know, whatev, showers are for losers, real men reek) so that wasn't an issue, and I jumped off the bed, pacing quickly to the door and waiting impatiently for it to slide open. 

I took a breath. "Yeah, let's do this."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"You sure you don't need any help?" I asked, knee bouncing incessantly up and down.  "Like anything at all, seriously, anything."

Sally sighed and placed another vial in the cabinet in front of her. "You can help by sitting there quietly, and for the love of god stop that infernal tapping. I can't hear myself think."

I groaned. I was in the infirmary I had woken up in yesterday and Sally was currently cataloging all the medicine we had, which granted as pretty extensive. Turns out her medical knowledge was actually more extensive than the virtually basic first aid that Winston had learned when he was in High School, making her a perfect fit for the medical team, which I might add, has been horribly understaffed. Looks like Julius picked right again.

"I don't see what you have to think about." I mumbled pushing off the examinination table I had been sitting on. "It's just a bunch of bottles." I started pacing around the room.

Sally rubbed her temples and placed the last vial in with the others. "Evon, are you okay? You seem... jumpy. Maybe you need a relaxer or anxiety reducer perhaps?"

I shook my head. "Nope, I'm fine, just... one of those days."

Sally raised a brow and shrugged. "If you say so."

"Yeah, yep I do, so I'll leave you to that, I get the feeling I'm getting on your nerves so yeah, bye."

Sally shot me a sympathetic and grateful smile and I quickly bounded out the door.

"That was uneventful," I mumbled to myself sighing, shoving my hands in my pockets. I really did need to calm down though, I felt like I was going insane here.

I'd already stopped by Victor's and that hadn't ended well. He ended up kicking me out after like five minutes when I tripped over the abundance of wires and ended up breaking the device he was trying to fix. Yeah. The dude had been pissed to say the least. At least Dante wasn't there though, things probably would've ended up much worse.

Eventually I found myself in the kitchen sitting bored out. Of. My. Mind.

Dante was the first to notice I was there. "Yo dude, watcha doin here?"

"Bored, gimme something to do." I held up my hand, it was shaking slightly, god I felt like I was getting off a caffeine high.

"Yeek, that bad huh?"

"Yep. Vic and Sally already kicked me out for not being able to stand still."

"I hope you didn't break anything."

I chuckled nervously. "Yep, definitely didn't man. You know me, my since of balance is perfect."

"Sure." He turned to the door and called inside having a conversation with one of the people inside. He waved me over after a moment; I was quick to follow.

"Okay, so we just got some fresh produce from the farmers so we were going to make some sort of stewy thing." He rubbed the back of his head. "I think."

I rolled my eyes. "You have no idea what you're doing do you."

He shook his head. "Nope. Not one man, my talent lies in machines not organic life forms."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Why do I get the feeling that applies to people too?"

"Oh, because it does." He grinned. "Anyway, you go talk to those guys, I'm not touching the food, I'll be more likely to make it toxic."

"What the hell have you been doing then?"

"Cleaning, setting up, taking down, s**t like that. It's why I was the first one out." He laughed.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the boys in the kitchen, who were standing in front of a pot of... honestly I have no idea what. Whatever it was, was of definite questionable origin. 

"Uhm, guys," They turned to me. "The f**k is this?!"

"Stew!" The twins said immediately.

I made a face and sniffed the... liquid? Goo? in there. "Uhm... what the hell did you put in here?"

"Everything!" They exclaimed.

I must have looked freaked out cause Dale clarified. "We pretty much dumped the load the farmers gave us into that pot."

"Okay... so... uhm... why is it... black?" I eyed the pot which was bubbling slightly and looking more and more like that poison apple serum that witch had used in Snow White. "Is that edible? It looks toxic."

"I... I actually don't know."

I sighed. "And Dante was worried he'd make the food toxic." I looked back at the crew in front of me. "So, who's gonna test it?"

They all exchanged glances. "We will!" The twins volunteered almost immediately.

"No!" I grabbed the two gingers before they could reach the pot. "Anyone else? Winston?"

He shook his head, the sleepy look that usually plagued his features temporarily replaced with shock. "Uh, uh, I gotta be okay if one of these guys gets a concussion or something."

"We have Sally now you know."

"Still, what if she needs help."

"She has Julius."

"Why not Matthew? The bookworm has an answer for everything."

Matthew shook his head. "I have answers for the mind, not for the body, I suggest you keep me away from that devils arithmetic if you wish to still to be able to use me."

I sighed. "Trent?"

"Why don't you do it?"

"What?"

"You can't order me around."

"Seriously? Do you always have to be difficult."

"I just don't see why I have to always take orders from you."

Dale held up his hands, standing between us. "Ladies, ladies, let's not fight, I'll test it 'kay?" He walked over and put the ladle in the stew. "Oh whoa, this is thick."

"Uhm Dale... maybe we really shouldn't-"

"Nonsense," He brought the ladle to his lips.

We held our breath as he downed the liquid.

"So?"

Dale smacked his lips. "It's actually not that bad."

"You don't feel like nauseous or anything?"

"No."

"Maybe it'll be a delayed reaction, perhaps we should put him under surveillance," Matthew suggested.

"Well if he starts like turning white or something... I have a first aid kit with me," Winston said sleepily, stifling a yawn.

"Dude if he's puking up his guts I don't think a first aid kit is gonna do s**t." Trent said.

"Hey! Watch your language 'round the twins," Dante called from down the hall.

"Okay, so how long are we supposed to watch him anyway? Dinner's in like thirty minutes, kinda don't have time to make something else unless we start now." I interjected.

"Guys, guys, we've wasted like five minutes already, I think if I was gonna be puking up this s**t I would've done it by now, don't you?" Dale said clapping his hands.

"True...," We all murmered our agreement.

"So it's settled then. We'll be serving mystery slop for dinner tonight."

And we did.

And let me tell ya, some of the reactions were just hilarious. 

Akes looked like a drowning fish. Victor looked like he wanted to slap Trent (which I totally would've been okay with), Sally looked pleasant and thankful (though when she thought no one was watching it morphed into one of disgust). I was pretty sure she was thinking that she'd have had a better chance on the streets than trying to digest whatever it was that was in that bowl.

Most of the others shared similar disdained expressions and ended up just kinda staring at one another, not really sure if it was okay to eat or not.

"Oh for the love of god people, it's edible!" Dale shoved a spoonful in his mouth, than another, and another. Sally looked horrified and Dante was praying fervently. He finished the bowl with a satisfied sigh and looked at the rest of the kids in the hall. "See. I'm alive. Eat d****t!"

So we did.

Though I knew who we were going to kill if we all woke up with hideous stomach cramps. 

Yeah that's right. Dale.

He better run if that happens.

Author's Note

review?

Reviews

[Rhianne Ney]

A lot of censored words, eh? But nonetheless, great chapter. Can't point out anything bout the grammar

[Tsukin Archangel]

lol yes censored words are the greatest

[Rhianne Ney]

Heck?

[Tsukin Archangel]

lol sure and u know all the rest

[Rhianne Ney]

Haha

[Rhianne Ney]

Actually I don't