Portfolio: The Book of Chris

Ended

I look around for instruments for me to end it.

Maybe poison down the throat will help me sleep. ENDED.

 

Perhaps a knife will serrate the skin enough

for me, press hard and downward and slice real deep. END IT?

 

If only I could find a stool and some rope with

noose tugged tight; breathe in and take the leap. UNDID

 

What am I saying? There’s a quick way to end this s**t.

9 millimeter, locked, and shot. And only blood will streak. ENDED

 

I must urge natural death by blaspheming God

And let death take my soul to reap. UNDEAD

 

Oh what a decision I face every night to kill off

mediocrity. Put the loser to sleep. END IT!

 

Valley of the Free

 

 

Come with me, Come with me

To the Valley of the Free…

 

Let us march to destiny,

looking for the splendid company.

For with pleasant thoughts in mind;

our humanity will shine.

     Come with me, Come with me

     To the Valley of the Free…

 

A land hosting battered, broken, and misunderstood;

Friendship we will find amongst suffering brotherhood.

And amongst those who were cast out

we’ll hear their tales of fear and doubt

     Come with me, Come with me

     To the Valley of the Free…

 

In this splendid ravine we find men of broken dreams

From the shattered hearts, torn apart, from souls much to mean

But here they have safe haven

From the hearts black as raven

     So I invite you to come with me

     Into the Valley of the Free

 

No longer do they stand,

amongst the sin of man

They are measured by the goodness of soul;

not their skin, faith, or what they can’t control

     Come with me, you must see

     The life of the valley of the Free

 

We’ll see the roman emperor Claudius

Whose form was truly odd

But who’s heart represented best in us

The true spirit of God

     Come with me, sweet destiny

     In this Valley of the Free

 

Or maybe we’ll see sweet Joseph Merrick,

Whose life truly taught me,

the true extent, to which I’m content

Of the good in humanity

     Come with me, and certainly

     You’ll love the valley of the free

 

Many a hero is found there,

and I’m waiting to breathe the air,

Of outcasts, scapegoats, and those before their time

with good work and God we’ll find a place for thine

     Oh I can’t wait to see

     The blessed valley of the free

 

There are no fights for conflict is finished;

And the icy contempt of man is diminished.

Hurry my friends we must make haste.

For freedom, there’s no time to waste

     A light for you and for me

     We will find in the Valley of the free

 

And how do we make space for thine?

How do we reserve a seat?

Give your heart and then your mind,

and then your hands and feet.

     Blessings for you and blessings for me

     We will find in the Valley of the Free

 

We must be heroes to have the privilege

Of seeing this holy retreat.

We must fulfill needs with our privilege

and onward we’ll have the treat

     There’s work for you and for me

     Before we see the Valley of the Free

 

Kings we’ll find, and Queens too,

but only those whose heart stayed true

Every man and woman are kings and queens;

truly meek yet proud, and naïve but keen.

     With no sin in mind we will see

     The equal Valley of the Free

 

I’ve long waited to see,

Where I could find such company

Of those misunderstood like me

The studderers, the naïve, and hatred free

     Victory we’ll find in souls such as thee

     As we are close to the Valley of the free

 

My journey’s been long, but I fear its longer

This sad realization leaves me somber

Galloping through caves of doubt and tradition

Fearing the horror and guilt of sedition

     I’ll keep marching if you stay with me

     For we must find the Valley of the Free

 

Luminance. Warmth and jizzled hearts

Youth, expression, and songs of meadowlarks

I hear the songs of true Gospel  and joy

I’ve reached this place, Me! This estranged boy!

          Keep marching with me, were almost to thee

          The Blessed Valley of the Free

 

No turning back

There is no doubt

If freedom is what you lack

Then follow me

 

The winds of change are guarding the gate

Our reservations were made by fate

 

Tears have given us this pass

The destination is as clear as glass

 

No turning back

No bent back double

No time to fear

Say goodbye to trouble

 

If you have any hope and strength

Use it to meet our residence

 

And as the footsteps close in for thee

We’ll have much joy both for you and for me

Take 5 more steps and then you’ll see

One… for the body,

two for the mind

three for the heart,

its almost time,

four the spirit,

and five for the SOUL!...

Take pride my friend,

For you are now whole

          Congratulations we have finished the journey

          And now you can most certainly see

that the Valley of Freedom was always within thee…

 

 

Answer

I asked myself one day

“What would I say at my mother’s funeral?”

A morbid question

Yes…but one

Worthwhile…

I put myself in the scene

with me looking

Torn inside

With my eyes damp,

My throat raspy,

My heart ripping through my chest,

Standing on a podium.

A beige podium with a velvet cloth covering the mantel piece.

And my mother with rest sprawled on her face.

And I saw myself from both inside and out

Deliver not only a sermon…

But a story…

          And the way I figured it the best motivations come from stories

Because stories have actually occurred.

And I saw myself there with my black overcoat,

My starchy white shirt,

My long dark tie

Deliver this story:

“Ladies and Gentlemen

Everyones…..Everyones…

I am so glad to have you with me on this glorious occasion.

I know I must perplex you,

With the word glorious,

But yes indeed.

Through my tears

I come to deliver to you

the testament of a servant.

I will open up by saying to you that once

A great man said that, “everybody can be great

…because everybody can serve”

This magnificent woman you see below me

Was the greatest servant of all.

Greater than all the seraphs,

And all the virtues,

And all the arch-angels.

          My mother was a servant.”

And I would talk. Not long mind you

But I thought about this

and I saw myself speak.

There were sweatdrops teaming down my face

And fire in my hands.

And as it came I closed that testimony with

A story and a poem:

“But I’ll leave you with this.

Not long ago my grandfather suffered a stroke.

He survived, but his mental state, was never the same.

My grandmother suffered from 3^rd stage Alzheimer’s and dementia

And my mother spent every waking night taking care of them,

Instead of sleeping at her own home.

Keep in mind she had 3 other siblings, but she always did most.

Long story short, she paid the bills with her money,

she paid the babysitters,

who stayed the hours she wasn’t there,

and took care of two mentally handicapped daughters at the same time.

          So one day I ask her,

As I see her working and drudging, and slaving through the day’s work.

I ask her ‘Momma why don’t you just put them in a nursing home? You don’t have to do all of this, least of all by yourself?!”

My mom, stood there, thought for a second,

And gave a simple response,

She said that it was her DUTY as their child to take care of them

As they did her”

And as I saw myself delivering this powerful sermon

I saw myself choke up a bit.

I saw my throat bounce with the emotion

That spurred the words that came from that single one

Those words resulted in a poem,

“Duty”

 

From that word,

a poem arose, a poem  which

has not only became my personal creed,

But a creed to anyone,

Anywhere who’s doing the right thing…

For no reward.

And as I stood on that podium,

And as I watched myself,

From inside,

And from out.

I looked in front of me to see the crowd,

Full of my aunts and uncles, and my siblings,

And my own wife and kids.

And I saw myself deliver words that are not just

Meant for that group, but for the masses.

And the embattled man continued.

“And that word resonated with me,

I’m a poet so naturally you know I love words.

And as I pondered about that the words came so easily to me

And in honor of my mother, and in honor of anyone who’s ever served with no promise for compensation……I say this poem…”

And at that moment…..whoosh….the crowd is dead silent.

And out-came the testament of the servant’s creed:

“Duty

The true display of one’s innermost beauty

Is how they respond to the call of duty.

For when it calls it must be heard.

Recognized, and done without a word

There can be no hesitation when it calls

No one can dictate on whom the burden falls

There is only to do and to die

To work your hardest and always try

No matter how dark and dreary it seems

It can be done if you dare to dream

So no matter the fatigue, the mistakes, or the falls

You MUST answer when duty calls.”

Thank you Mother, you taught me to answer well…

 

 

Baby Shark

I learn a song from my days in Camp,

And decide to bring it home.

To my little cousin Paris.

Its silly, energetic, but strangely morbid to,

I don’t think she’ll notice, though,

so I ask if she wants to learn a new song and her face

Puckers up saying, “No!”

But there is no hiding that smile from me.

I put on one of my goofiest faces; one

Where I move my lower lip down, my

Eyebrows strain, while my eyes go here and there.

It isn’t long before that sour puckered up face

turns brilliant.

A smile emerges, delighting me

as if I were her father.

I tell her to stand in front of me and hold her hands out to the side.

I tell her to raise her right hand up, take her fingers and

Make a small biting imitation.

I ask her “You ready?”

“Yea” she replies.

“And a one and a two and a three…..baby….

Shark! Do do do do do do do Baby….

Shark!”

Her face lights up cause she looks so ridiculous and we progress from

“Baby Shark do do do do do do do…” to “Mama Shark do do do do do do do…”

Then “Daddy” then “Grandma” then “Grandpa”.

I pucker up my lips like her when we get to grandpa.

And were bouncing up and down till were….

“going swimming do do do do do do do….going swimming!”

And her face is telling me “what’s going on?”

But WAIT A MINUTE!

To our unpleasant surprise we, “see a SHARK do do do do do do do…see a SHARK!”

Now that we’ve seen the beast we’ve got to get going so we start….

“SWIMMING FASTER DO DO DO DO DO DO DO….SWIMMNG FASTER!”

And were swimming, and swimming, till we can hear a great grumble….

And suddenly singing pain, and suffering shame,

shake us to our souls, and along comes to crimson pool from the…

“SHARK ATTACK AH AH AH AH AH AH AH…SHARK ATTACK!”

And we’re flailing frantically because we…

“Lost an arm do do do do do do do….lost an arm!”

CHOMP COMES ANOTHER CHUNK AND WE…

“Lose a leg do do do do do do…lost a leg!”

Now we’re in big trouble because we need….

“CPR DO DO DO DO DO DO DO…CPR!”

And uh oh, this can’t be…

“It’s not working ahhhh!”

And there is a long pause… as we lift and ascend, emerging from the accursed sea

Rising with grace until we…

 “Go to Heaven do do do do do do do… Go to Heaven!”

But there we find reprieve from our mortality’s ending because through the pearly gates…

We arrive to see a….

”PARTY WITH JESUS…DO DO DO DO DO DO…PARTY WITH JESUS!”

 

Oh, what a joy it is to revel in the fun and games of a child.

                And me and the munchkin, by the time we’re through,

Are worn and weary from wailing.

She raises her little arms to me and I pick her up.

For now…

There are no more sharks, no more bites, and no more heavenly silly parties…

Only a sweet little girl,

drifting on the calms safe waters of sleep

 

Rise of the phoenix

For a long time,

My mind stayed in limbo

I felt I had a decision to make

Or not one possibly.

“Which creed do I belong to?”

“What God do I pray to?”

“Or do are there more than one?

Or none at all?”

 

Hours, days, months

…years

Was how long I pondered over this.

How could something inspired to bring hope…

Cause so much pain….

But one day I sat in my room

And I prayed.

Not knowing to who or what I was talking to.

 

But as I continued to ponder I began to focus on

The things that I wanted.

The values I cherished.

The person I wanted to be.

And whoosh!

            The fire had been set,

My creed was realized,

My faith confirmed,

My path lit,

My heart set on fire.

            So I felt happy,

                                    Jubilated

           Enthralled

So I decided to write…

With Dr. King’s voice blaring through my laptop…I wrote

With Maya Angelou’s words leaving echoes through my brain…I wrote

With the now vibrant colors of the room lighting my heart…I wrote

With the song “Someday” playing as my ringtone…I wrote

With my now mythical personification, that eternal eagle of ethereal flame burning in my chest…I wrote

And as I wrote I began to think “what if the world could hear me?”

“What if I could scream to world about my transformation…my rise

   to the world?”

And as quick as it came,

my transformation was captured

On a computer screen…and

If I could talk to the world for one moment

I would let them,

all of us,

children of the atom,

conquerors of Gaia,

sons of clay,

daughters of silt

I would let them know these words…

 

“I choose warm ashes now…

I choose to stand, because I’m free now

No more tiresome indecision.

Enough with all my religious revision

I choose now warm ashes

Because the phoenix has rose again…..

Like the 600 I ride into the depths of my soul.

There is no darkness I fear now.

At least not from me…

I choose to rise despite a cruel world,

I choose to burn amongst ice,

I choose to fly and be free

Yes…free

…free indeed on the wings of my heart and meditations of my mind.

I have my core.

I have my seed

I have the root to bear the tree.

For no good tree brings forth bad fruit.

I will not because my core is good.

I choose to believe it’s good.

Warmness and heat has tinged the air

Let go feelings of pain and despair

With the knowledge of the Atman there can be no fear

We don’t die so have great cheer

 

But no doubt,

This road ain’t easy

It’s a road marred with pain

It’s a road marred with loss

It’s a road that’ll beat you down

..BUT DON’T YOU STAY THERE YOU GET UP!

….YOU RISE!

            

I choose to be myself

Now its time for us all to choose .

For if there is no death we cannot lose.

            So its time to rise

Its time to rise so that someday

we’ll reach someday that we’ve all been talking about.

That someday where all men and women will be able to join hands and sing together

like Dr. King said.

That someday that your parents told would come when you first saw evil in this world.

That someday that we all dream and put off goals for,

saying “Someday, mankind won’t have these problems”

That someday that negro slaves dreamed about,

That Holocaust victims prayed for,

That the American Indians remember.

And that someday is our united destination

For every nation of either God’s creation

Someday is our freedom

Someday is our truth

Someday will be of peace

Someday is what we choose

 

So it’s time for fire,

its time for a spark

Of warm ashes derived from the heart

With Red flame of passion

Orange of uniqueness

Yellow of Joy

Green of vitality

Blue of peace

Purple of serenity

White of purity

Black of strength

And we must not overlook

The in between nature of the Gray that is TRUTH

 

            So amongst battered spirits

                        Amongst broken cries

                        Amongst weary soldiers

                        And tear filled eyes

HERE WE RISE…

HERE WE RISE… AND WHEN WE RISE BOTH THE RADIANCE OF THE SUN AND THE SERENITY OF THE MOON WILL BE UPON US..

SO AMONGST DIFFICULT SCHEDULES…we rise

AMONGST SICKNESS AND TOIL….yet we rise

AMONGST DYING RELATIVES, FAMILY, AND FRIENDS….we still rise

AMONGST RACISM, STANDSTILLISM, AND INTOLERANCE…we must rise

AMONGST LITTLE FUNDS AND HIGH DEMANDS…we still yet rise

AMONGST THE FEAR OF THE QUESTIONS OF THE DEEP UNKNOWNS….we always have the choice to rise

…like the phoenix that we all are. We all are divinity…but we must choose.

We must choose to fight and to not go gently into that good night.

WE MUST WITH GOD SPEED

BE FREE INDEED

REGARDLESS OF RACE, ORIENTATION, OR CREED.

TO RID OURSELVES OF HATRED AND GREED

AND ONLY THROUGH LOVE CAN THIS BE ACHIEVED.

WE MUST RISE AND FEEL THE NEED

TO BEAR GOOD FRUIT BECAUSE WERE GOOD TREES

AND CHOOSE WITH ALL OF OUR WANT AND DESIRE…

TO RISE LIKE THE PHOENIX AND BURN LIKE FIRE!”

 

Death of the Phoenix

 

 

 

I sat in a chair one day

and began to meditate.

I cherish this regretful meditation;

For its truth,

I found,

Was quite devastating.

            Sitting upright in the desolate room

With pictures of unattained goals attached to the walls,

I thought to myself,

“Who the hell wants to live forever?”

And more importantly,

why?

            Loudly dormant in my mind

Lied a phoenix.

But in this meditation,

Its colors had

Dampened.

                        There was no red passion flame,

Only omnipotent black.

                        No joyful yellow sparks,

Just leprous white.

                        No unique orange embers,

Only bitter-truth gray.

Its wings spread through my mind.

 

Noticing its beak I began to ponder….

“How do you kill the unkillable?

How do you murder Joy?

How do you erase all goodness?

Passion, love, and happiness?”

 

Crying pitifully, the titan showed me that,

Select few are born to be denizens of light.

Innocent by nature, and incapable of malice.

These souls light up the world with their smile,

They relish on all things passionate; love, smiles,

jokes, happiness, warmth, and making love through once lonely nights.

 

In the midst of my meditation

I found myself a denizen.

I don’t say this for praise;

I’m just speaking of a condition.

Of GREAT JOY, PEACE, AND WARMTH WITHIN EVERY SOUL.

As I think to myself, and ponder beyond my miserable being, I think

“Has mankind lost this?”

It seemed that with the passing of time

Responsibilities are mounted, and therefore

Stress latches on, not like a fly, but an overbearing

Leech, hungry for your strength, but more so for the warmth of your heart

How it strives for its sustenance by taking what makes life enjoyable,

livable, and even tolerable.

The titan carried me through my self-imploding mind,

I watched,

as the ashes burned happiness through our journey’s wake.

I came then to realize that Joy is an affliction,

for it never leaves.

It thrives within the heart

and beams throughout the body.

However joy comes at ONE regretful price,

one of which would explain why the world is so cold.

For with joy comes everlasting despair.

There is no gray,

no median between

The fires of Joy

and the icy contempt of Despair.

When one takes hold, the other resides,

Dormant,

waiting to take your body

I have joy, but what I desire most is peace.

I long so sweetly for the ending of all wars.

I prayed for all violent confrontations to end,

whether they are commenced by the sword, the gun shell, or the heart.

I ached for a median,

a rest between their confrontation.

I needed them to stop.

 I agonized, wanting one to win.

To be honest,

…I rooted for despair.

For I thought, “What is joy to only have despair waiting in the midst?”

“How fitting?” I thought.

When the chasms of darkness seep into the soul

And maybe so my hands that will help me end this.

Maybe,

Just maybe,

then I will have peace and everlasting joy,

Stemming from the end of all external and internal confrontation.

How beautiful was this magnificent titan.

Joy incarnate.

The Dead Phoenix.

 

And I realized the answer to age old conundrum.

“How do you kill the phoenix?”

How do you destroy

The blazing titan of fiery joy?”

Let its flames burn bright in a world of cold shoulders,

malcontent, greed, malice, and broken spirits.

Let it burn and spread warmth and light to the

Darkest reaches of the mind, the universe, and soul of God.

….Then it will be done.

For the climax of fire is to be extinguished.

Then all there will be is ashes,

Glorious,

Beautiful ashes.

And no life will stem from them,

Because all of it has been used.

Warm ashes are coals damaged,

But not burnt out to exhaustion.

Still retaining the ability to ascend like

Christ to the heavens above.

 

Cold ashes, however are a different story. No life stems from it.

I desire peace, so I don’t choose to warm them.

In the reaches of a self imploding mind,

I stand in the midst of cold ashes

with fire in my hands.

 

Explicit

Were here together on honeymoon night,

ready to delve in abrasive pleasure.

Anticipation looms for much wanted delight.

We’ve prepared for costs beyond measure.

Your mine tonight, so turn off your phone

scoot next to me and we will share,

air of one another, with no thoughts on home,

and no need for underwear.

God help our neighbors who desire quiet sleep,

For there will be plenty of noise making,

In this war-room, they’ll be no peace,

For walls and headboards will be shaking.

            Blessed contact, of wall to veins, and skin to tongue, a pleasure like no other.

            Oh the screams that comes from this love made without a rubber.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I would put each poem as separate units. The poem were very good. I would want to give my opinion and thoughts on each one. You are a very good writer. Your mind and thoughts went to many places. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Chris Jones]

Thanks. I'll be sure to give you a shout out or review on one of your poems. Thanks for the support

[Chris Jones]

Hope you guys like. Some poems have little typos. In "Rise of the phoenix" the line above "black of strength" is "White of Purity".