Dumb Flu

A new epidemic is on the rise. The symptoms involve the infected not being able to talk, once and for all. This creates much hype and panic about the country - all because of one culprit.

[Act 1 Scene 1] : 

Library (Group of friends reading a book)

JAKE - Hmm...interesting stuff! 

DEAN - Shush! 

JAKE - Oh I'm sorry, Carry on. (Carries on reading his book) I can't believe he just did that! 

DEAN - Shush! 

JAKE - I'm Sorry. (Carries on reading his book) Oh my god! he did not just do that! 

CHRIS - Jake can you be quiet! 

JAKE - Well I'm sorry! I'm just a loud reader. 

CHRIS - Then why are you at the library? 

JAKE - I'm sick and tired of reading these books at home so I came here. 

DEAN - Well If you're going to read at the library you need to be quiet. 

JAKE - Where does it say "Be quiet"? 

CHRIS - Everywhere! it's on every wall. 

JAKE - Oh, that's what those signs were for. I thought they were just gag signs. 

DEAN - Every sign in the library is serious, not a gag. 

JAKE - Your point? 

CHRIS - Be quiet and read! Don't read out loud! 

JAKE - Fine then! I won't read. Hey did you guys hear about the first person that landed on the moon? I bet you didn't. 

CHRIS - Jake we all know! Now stop distracting us. 

JAKE - Ok, hey Dean did you hear about the chicken that crossed the road? 

DEAN - I don't care Jake! just let me read! 

JAKE - Ok, no need to get mad. Hey Chris did you hear about why 6 ran away?   

CHRIS - Jake just be quiet! we're all trying to read. Don't open your mouth for the next 20 minutes, if you talk one more time you owe all of us a drink. 

JAKE - Fine. I bet all of you will suffer without hearing me talk. 

[Act 1 Scene 2] 

(JAKE can't resist not talking) 

JAKE - (mumbles then shouts out) I can't take it anymore! 

EVERYONE - Shush! 

LIBRARIAN - Sorry to bother you guys, is this your friend? 

DEAN - Yes. 

LIBRARIAN - He's not following the rules at the library so I want you all to kindly leave the place. 

CHRIS - But we didn't do anything, he's the culprit. 

JAKE - SHUSH! No talking in the library 

LIBRARIAN - I don't care about who did it- 

JAKE - Shush. 

LIBRARIAN - (Reacts) I said I don't- 

JAKE - Shush. 

LIBRARIAN - I want all of you to!- 

JAKE - No talking in the library. It's a "no talking" policy. 

LIBRARIAN - I want all of you to leave this place at once! get out! get out! 

(they leave the library) 

CHRIS - Thanks a lot Jake. 

DEAN - You can't keep your mouth shut for more than 5 minutes can you? 

JAKE - Come on guys! I just had to tell you something really urgently. 

CHRIS - Urgently? what did you want to tell us urgently? 

JAKE - Well... 

CHRIS - Is it really important? 

JAKE - Yes it is. 

DEAN - Tell us, what is it? 

JAKE - I need to copy one of your homework for tomorrow's class. 

DEAN - What?! You could've told us this after the library session! 

JAKE - Well I'm sorry, I just love to talk. 

CHRIS - Well newsflash! the library doesn't. 

JAKE - Come on guys cheer up. 

DEAN - You still owe us all a drink. 

JAKE - Oh about that, I didn't bring any money. 

DEAN - Now you owe each of us two drinks for tomorrow. 

CHRIS - Not like you’re gonna bring any money tomorrow anyways.

[Act 1 Scene 3] 

MR. CRAIG - Ok class, can someone please give me the definition of life. 

JAKE - (Raises his hand eagerly). 

MR. CRAIG - Anyone? Anyone at ALL? 

JAKE - (Raises his hand eagerly) oh please please please please please (mumbling) 

MR. CRAIG - (Sighs) Ok Jake, tell us. 

JAKE - Life is like a cycle, life is like a never-ending story. You have many twists and turns along the way. Your past affects the present, the present affects your future. 

MR. CRAIG - Ok good- 

JAKE - But there can also be times where you are expecting something which you don't want to expect. For example you can get a tomato instead of a potato, you can get juice instead of water. There are many evils that try to distract you along the way. 

MR. CRAIG - Ok we get it Jake you can stop now- 

JAKE - Though there are many evils that try to distract you along the way there are also angels that guide you along the way. Great examples of angels are our parents, friends, family, teachers etc. That's not all! 

MR. CRAIG - Ok stop right there, we need to move on!- 

JAKE - We are also given challenges that we need to conquer. These challenges are either given to us by destiny or shown blocking our paths. The path in which we call life. 

MR. CRAIG - Stop it now!- 

JAKE - Challenges can be good or bad depending on how you look at them. If you have interest in the challenge you're most likely to conquer it faster and easier whereas if you don't have interest in the challenge you're most likely to fail miserably at it and regret it your whole life or take ages to conquer and then be relieved about what you did. 

MR. CRAIG - Oh god. 

JAKE - Along the paths we also come by friendship and love. 

[Act 1 Scene 4] 

(The entire class are dead bored. The teacher is getting mad.. man comes on with sign 45 minutes later) 

JAKE - ...To those which are in relations to us by memory, and that sir is life. 

MR. CRAIG - Jake! sit-down-now! I keep telling you to stop but you don't! you carry on as if you're running a marathon. Do you know how long you've been going on about this? 

JAKE - No not really. 

MR. CRAIG - 45 minutes! that's the entire period! just look at your class! they look as if they've drunk poison and dropped dead! 

JAKE - Why what happened? 

MR. CRAIG - You Jake! you bored them to death! before this period I used to think the phrase "bored to death" was used metaphorically, now I know it's not because I've just witnessed it happen. Class! wake up! 

CLASS - Oh what? What happened? 

MR. CRAIG - Sorry about the trouble class. It appears that Mr. Chatterbox has finished his lecture. 

DEAN - He did? oh praise the lord! 

CHRIS - My beauty sleep's been ruined! (School bell rings) 

MR. CRAIG - Alright now! school's over! get out! 

[Act 2 Scene 1] 

JAKE - Gosh who would've known that I would bore the entire class to death by just talking. That's a great achievement for someone like m- 

(All of a sudden he can't talk, Jake mimes his lines from here on) 

JAKE - (Mimes) someone like me! Wait...why can't I talk? me! me! me! (screams) 

(Jake panics over not being able to talk anymore)  

[Act 2 Scene 2] 

(Clinic Lights on, Jake is lying on the sofa exhausted)  

DR. DIM - Right then Mr. Rogers, your case of constipation is…..pretty serious, I’ll be back. (Echoes) You’ll need this! 

(Goes and picks up a huge stick, comes and waves it in front of the patient)

PATIENT - W-What’s that for? 

DR. DIM - Uh….this goes up (makes the stick go up) 

PATIENT - (Gasps) 

DR. DIM - And um….you may need these afterwards. Have a good day! 

DR. DIM - Next patient! Right then, what's your case? 

JAKE - (Mimes) I can't talk.  

DR. DIM - What? 

JAKE - (Mimes that he can't talk) 

DR. DIM - Uh...can you please talk with your mouth open? 

JAKE - (writes on a piece of paper about his case)  

DR. DIM - What?! You can't talk? That's ridiculous. 

JAKE - (Mimes) I'm serious I really can't talk.  

DR. DIM - I'll test to see if you're lying or not. Are you ticklish? 

JAKE - (nods for yes).  

DR. DIM - Ok then, I'll tickle you. If I don't hear a single sound I'll believe you. 

(tickles him everywhere)  

DR. DIM - Hmm….let me try that again. (tickles him everywhere)  

DR. DIM - Hmm….not a sound. Wait, aha! you were lying about being ticklish! 

JAKE - (Mimes) No  

DR. DIM - Right then, I have another test. This um….might get ugly. (Continuously beats up Jake)  

DR. DIM - Oh this is bad, this is really bad… Say Ah! (and stick your tongue out with your mouth open).. Oh, sorry! I mean mime it. Your throat looks fine ok so it’s definitely not tonsillitis. You didn’t even make the slightest sound or giggle, not even a single peep! When did this happen? 

JAKE - (Mimes) Just recently after school.  

DR. DIM - Hmm....so you mean right now? recently! that's what you meant right? 

JAKE - (Nods for yes).  

DR. DIM - This is peculiar. This is a whole new type of illness. Unfortunately, right now I don't have any medicine for you, I'm really sorry, I can't help you. 

JAKE - (Walks out of the room very sad).  

DR. DIM - Ahem! There is something really important you have to take care of. Medical bill will be $200. It costs money for me to beat the crap out of you. 

JAKE - (Takes the bill, rips it and throws it at the doctor)  

DR. DIM - Jeez....he must've had oatmeal for breakfast. 

[Act 2 Scene 3] 

DEAN - Hey Jake did you finish the homework? 

JAKE - (nods for yes).  

CHRIS - Dude you haven't been talking all day, are you alright? 

JAKE - (shakes for no).  

DEAN - You're not? what happened? 

JAKE - (Mimes) I can't talk anymore.  

CHRIS - What's he saying? 

DEAN - I think he's trying to tell us that he lost his voice. Is that right? 

JAKE - (Mimes more clearer) I can't talk anymore.  

CHRIS - You--Can't--Talk. Wait hold on, You can't talk? 

DEAN - What? how's that possible? can you at least make a slight peep? 

JAKE - (nods for no).  

CHRIS - What? hold on let me tickle you. (tickles him hard) Oh my god! did you hear anything? 

DEAN - No, not even the slightest peep. 

CHRIS - He can't talk! it's official he can't- (Chris can't talk)  

CHRIS - (Mimes) Talk? he can't talk? why can't I talk? talk! talk!  

DEAN - What was that Chris? 

CHRIS - (Mimes with panic) I can't talk!  

DEAN - What? oh my god! Jake! look! he can't talk! he can't!- 

(Dean can’t talk) (sound cue) 

DEAN - (Mimes) talk? wait why can’t I talk! talk Dean talk!  

JAKE - (Mimes) Great! now none of us can talk. Let's go to the doctor.  

[Act 2 Scene 4] 

DR. DIM - Yes what seems to be the problem?   

CHRIS - (Mimes) we all can't talk.  

DR. DIM - Eh what? 

JAKE - (Mimes) You remember me from yesterday?  

DR. DIM - Weren't you the guy who threw the bill at my face?  

JAKE - (nods for yes energetically).  

DR. DIM - And what seems to be the problem this time? 

JAKE - (Mimes) my friends can't talk either. (sound cue) 

DR. DIM - What?! T-Them too! my god this isn't an illness. This is a whole new e-e-e-e-epidemic! 

FRIENDS - (Mime in shock) Epidemic?!  

DR. DIM - I must report this issue to the Centre of Disease Control and Prevention, please be in the waiting room. 

(Friends leave for the waiting room) 

DR. DIM - Hello? Yes, I'm calling to report a new-found disease. It is not widespread just yet but I feel like at the rate it is spreading, I fear we have an epidemic on our hands. (pause) Yes I'm serious! I'm with the patients who have it. The case is regarding them not being able to talk, they can't even make the slightest peep! Yesterday 1 person was infected and today another 2 are infected. (pause) You're sending the media over to report this issue? (pause) alright sir. 

(Doctor goes to the waiting room) 

DR. DIM - Alright then. (Sees the patients panicking) What happened here?! 

JAKE - (Mimes) None of them can talk. 

DR. DIM - W-What?! T-They're infected too? but how? You've been out here for only about 3 minutes. 

MEDIA - Hello doctor, we've received reports about a new-found disease. What is this regarding? 

DR. DIM - This is regarding the infected not being able to talk. 

MEDIA - How did this all start off? 

DR. DIM - The first person infected came in here yesterday for me to check the issue. Then today two more people infected came in. I'm not sure about the cause of it- 

(Doctor can't talk) 

MEDIA - Carry on. 

DR. DIM - (Mimes) W-What? I can't talk? No!! I can't talk! 

MEDIA - What was that doctor? we couldn't hear you. 

DR. DIM - (Mimes) I can't talk! 

MEDIA - You--can't--talk? hold on! you can't talk? how did this happen? 

DR. DIM - (Mimes) I don't know. 

MEDIA - This is just in, the new disease is spreading at a rapid pace. Just by the looks of it the entire clinic is infected, including the doctor and- 

(Media can't talk) 

MEDIA - (Mimes) What happened? why can't I talk? Oh god! I can't talk either! please help! 

[Act 3 Scene 3] 

SECRETARY - Sir why are you having terrible headaches these days? 

PM - It's the media! because they're also infected with this disease they're sending me report questions through WhatsApp! The media are more annoying on chat then while talking. 

SECRETARY - Is that so? 

PM - Yes! I'm getting 10 questions from 5 different news channels per second. Gosh these people type very fast, and the worst part is that I can't ignore this because it'll give them a bad impression about me as Prime Minister. 

SECRETARY - That's really sad. Sucks to be you sir! 

PM - (Takes off his sunglasses and spectacles) Sucks to be me?! 

SECRETARY - U-Um…..n-n-no sir, it's awesome to be Prime Minister! 

PM - That’s what I thought. I just wish I didn't have a WhatsApp account. (answers the phone) Hello? 

MEDICAL - Hello sir, we've come up with a name for the new disease. 

PM - Oh really? what is it? 

MEDICAL - Dumb flu, sir. 

PM - Dumb flu? ok sounds....good to me (says it awkwardly). 

SECRETARY - What's dumb flu sir? PM - The name of the new disease. 

SECRETARY - Ok sir, you may want to inform the media about the new name. 

PM - Good idea! (tells the disease name to the press by WhatsApp). Oh dear! 

SECRETARY - What happened sir? 

PM - This is the last time I'll ever listen to you! 

SECRETARY - Why sir? 

PM - I was just about to take a nap, now because of you these news channels are asking me why this disease has a ridiculous name! 

SECRETARY - It's just one question, you can answer it. 

PM - No it isn't! I have news channels asking me the same question in a rephrased way! So now I have to answer differently to all of them (Rages). 

[Act 4 Scene 1] 

ROBOTIC NEWS REPORTER - (in an emotionless voice) The new disease dumb flu till date has infected over 500 people. 100 of them being news reporters, 200 of them being school students and the rest being shopaholics. 

(Affected people communicating with each other using mime, others running around panicking)

SECRETARY - (Walks in silently and sits right in front of the PM who is meditating in silence). 

PM - (Opens his eyes slowly and is scared) Ah!! you fool! how many times have I told you not to scare me like this! 

SECRETARY - It's nothing like that sir, I just didn't want to disturb your meditation. Why are you meditating all of a sudden? 

PM - It's the media! they're annoying the living lights out of me. If you check my WhatsApp, on average I'm getting about ten thousand messages! (sneezes) sorry, I think I'm getting allergic to them. 

SECRETARY - Oh dear. 

PM - They keep asking me what's the cause, what's the cause, what's the cause, because…. they can't find better ways to annoy me. Now then, what did you want to tell me? 

SECRETARY - Actually sir...now more than 600 are infected. 

PM - More than 600 are infected? (sarcastically) great! that's just fantastic! now all that's left is to rename the country! I was thinking, Dumb land! Dumbtopia! now that's thinking big, am I right? or am I right? 

SECRETARY - You truly are a visionary sir! by the way, scientists told me they found the cause. 

PM - Well? go on? what is it? 

SECRETARY - There are 2 causes actually: First cause is talking way too much. 

PM - That's probably how the media got infected. 

SECRETARY - Second cause is talking to the person who is infected with dumb flu. 

PM - Talking to the infected? you mean silent killers? 

SECRETARY - Yes sir, if that's what you mean. 

PM - Ok I'll tell the press immediately on WhatsApp (tells them the cause). Wait! why am I doing all this? this is your job, wow! making me do all the hard work? 

SECRETARY - Aw! come on boss! 

PM - Whine again, and I'll slap you repeatedly with a piece of fish. 

SECRETARY - Please don't, I'm allergic to fish. (Types in all the answers) Alright, I entered all comments. 

PM - (Checks the phone) Oh...oh! no! how come technology works well with you? every time the phone is in my hand, I'm being attacked by dingles! what do you suggest I do? close my WhatsApp account? or shut down my phone? 

SECRETARY - For now…. just shut your mouth. 

PM - What was that?  

SECRETARY - Shush! (whispers) disease, remember? (gestures a talking a hand). 

PM - (Whispers) Oh... 

[Act 4 Scene 2] 

ROBOTIC NEWS REPORTER - (emotionless voice) Scientists concluded by saying that the cause of the disease dumb flu is either talking too much or talking to the infected. 

(meanwhile) 

TOURIST - Wow! such a quiet country this place is. I always thought it would be noisier. Oh, good gentlemen! you know this place better than me. Can you tell me where the nearest ice cream shop is? 

PEOPLE - (Mimes) don’t talk! 

TOURIST - I-I’m sorry, can you talk... 

PEOPLE - (Mimes) Be Quiet! 

TOURIST - Shut---up, Shut up? you’re all telling me to shut up?! how dare you! how dare you all! I have all rights you know?! I'm human! 

PEOPLE - (Mimes) (Clap their hands and stomp to call police) 

POLICE - (Mime) (Drag the tourist to the back and attacks him) 

TOURIST - Oi! what are you doing with me! let go of me! I’m a tourist y’know?! infringement-of-the-law! unconstitutional!!! 

[Act 5 Scene 1] 

(A presentation is projected: “2021” Few years after dumb flu began to spread)   

ROBOTIC NEWS REPORTER: (emotionless voice) Today, we have a terrible news. Today, as of 6PM, Dumb Flu Patient number 0 has died. Scientists have declared that Dumb Flu is lethal to human life, and the infected will die after two years of infection.

Author's Note

There may be grammar problems. I made an attempt to introduce a new concept - and I chose to present the idea of a new epidemic in a comedic way. It would be great to hear whether the concept was suitable.